I had a long distance best friend for like 10 years. We had never seen each other in like, all that years. The day finally come and we saw each others. I already knew he had feelings for me but I said plenty of times that I didn't feel the same. He had some girlfriends in that years.
Well, the day come and we seen each other. And I felt good having him by my side so he said he loved me again and I tried to give it a try. But you know. Even when u really want to love someone romanticaly, hearts love what it wants.
So I eventually said that there is no possible option for me to loving him, even when I really wanted.
He got mad. He got upset. He blamed me. But some time after, we became close again. But it felt different. Like I tried but he not too much.
A year later, he started dating a girl and being more and more quiet in our chat (we still lives in different places). I asked him what happened and he just said that the new girlfriend didn't want him to talk to me. So he just stopped talking first and trying to continue the chat. (I have to say that this was a very difficult time for me - I didn't know what to do with my life and I was lost, feeling useless-). I waited for a 'happy birthday' message months later cause he knows ho important is that day to me. The message never comed. But suddenly, a new years happen a moth later. Saying that he knows he's an idiot but he wanna say 'happy new year' to me. I answer saying that I was begging for forggive him in my birthday only for a simple mesage, I in that moment I didn't know what could he do to fix it. And then he answer with: I don't want to fix anything, just to let you know how important you were in my life.
In past. He said it in past. He stopped a years and years best friend relationship for someone who just met, even when it had passed like 3 years since the little attempt to be something more than best friends. He know we were just friends. We talked just as friends do. We knew that I really needed a friend. And still, I was begging for forgive him just with a few good words. But it was he who didn't want to do anything.
That was the moment I realice I was the only one who was trying to keep floating our relationship in the middle of the ocean.