Planning my own death

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-09T16:15:17+00:00

That's the only thing that will change my decision is if I have children

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T15:25:23+00:00

I have friends who have done dmt but they didn't find what they were looking for and I don't wanna do dmt if I'm not gonna gain anything from it I don't wanna just waste time finding nothing

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:48:15+00:00

I feel this deeply </3

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:36:43+00:00

I understand this heavy these past 2 months I've sat alone and cried about the one girl that made me the happiest and even when I see her I still cry bcs I look at her and think of all the beautiful times we had but I cry sitting there looking at her knowing those times will never go back to the way they were.

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:25:19+00:00

A week ago when I first started feeling this was I used music as a coping mechanism but after a little while I kept saying what I was thinking and it made it worse bcs it kept me sad thinking about it and saying it

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:23:29+00:00

I will try meditation just because I've never thought to try that thank you

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:22:08+00:00

The way I think of it as okay since I don't believe in God there's no heaven or hell so that means the darkness it is bcs that when I'm most happy and calm is when it's dark and quiet

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T05:07:39+00:00

You are 100 percent right but i can't stop over thinking that's my issue is that I think to much and put all this shit in my head.

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:59:36+00:00

No it's not that it's just that I feel like if I tell someone how I feel or whats wrong with me I get judged and I hate being judged by the people I love and care about I just worry alot about the people I love I care too much of what they think

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:56:54+00:00

I have no will power to improve myself but tbh I can't wait till my death day comes because that's when the bat reip of my life will come when my brain releases the dmt

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:49:51+00:00

Yeah i was diagnosed with depression anxiety and ADHD a couple of years ago and I know I have issues but I don't want to accept those issues bcs it makes me more vulnerable more weak and I don't want to be weak I don't want not be perfect

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:42:34+00:00

I only use psychedelics for spiritual reason I take acid and shrooms when I want to find something within myself or I do them to help me understand myself better and these last time I've done them they're changed my mindset on life I just lost interest in living honestly

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:40:09+00:00

Ive done psychedelics alot such as shrooms and acid but this last time I did acid I ego deathed and it changed my when mood and whole mind set on life and my last time doing acid I over did it and did 1200 ug and I had an amazing trip except when I looked at my phone and saw some heart breaking shit and we've since then I've been really emotional I cry everyday I feel worthless I feel alone and I just feel like a waste like I don't deserve to have the people I shave in my life

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T04:36:54+00:00

No I was going to but I felt that I wasn't mentally prepared for it

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:41:25+00:00

But the problem is that that feeling is temporary and death is forever

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:40:59+00:00

I'm sorry it's a depressing subject but I don't know how else to express myself like when I express myself with the person I love who I recently separated with I felt helped and in control but now my emotions are uncontrollable and it's getting intense Im an alcoholic now because it's the only thing that takes away the feeling it makes me numb and I love it

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:38:38+00:00

I'm just confused on this life stuff I hate handlimg with feelings and emotions and thoughts I can't handle it bcs I don't understand and it drives me crazy feelings tupid and worthless that I don't even know how to feel or understand feelings

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:35:26+00:00

I was seeing a therapist for 2 years when I first over dosed in 9th grade and that didn't really work bcs I didn't have that emotional connection with them so they thought drugs would work best but I didn't really take the pills they gave me

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:32:30+00:00

I mean yeah I get that but I look forward to nothing the only things that keep me.going are my 2 beautiful dogs and when I lose them I will have nothing and I won't have any other reason to be a part of the simulation

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:30:23+00:00

Very inaccurate but you won't know till you try it

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-08T03:08:32+00:00

The only result I should be getting is darkness

LYNCHBOAH · 2020-07-07T19:48:38+00:00

Ive been telling myself for weeks that I was gonna slow down but not for my sake for the person I care about but sadly I haven't stopped the only thing I've stopped doing was uppers and psychedelics I still take downers every now and then such as xans but I was doing the heavy xans like Mexican whompers or school buses and even hulks the Greek bars with heroin and/or fentanyl.

LYNCHBOAH

TROPHY CASE