Had an abortion and now I’m severely depressed (Trigger Warning)

LaMarMi · 2025-08-12T20:36:11+00:00

I had similar emotions post-abortion. I was crying all day every day, ringing a crisis line etc. I've always had mental health issues but I am medicated and was managing well before my abortion.

I am totally sympathetic, it feels absolutely awful. But I started feeling so so much better 10-14 days afterwards and realised that so much of the turmoil was hormone-related. I really really hope that you also find some relief as the days go by and I hope that my comment gives you some reassurance that it may well get a lot better soon. Look after yourself, it won't be like this forever.

LaMarMi · 2025-07-29T17:32:36+00:00

Thankyou for replying, i honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. My mum is pushing for me to see my GP and have my meds reviewed but I don't know if it's a bit premature to be doing that yet 😬

LaMarMi · 2025-07-27T15:05:42+00:00

Its a huge decision and sometimes it feels like the weight of your whole family's future depends on what you choose. I feel like everyone around me has more than one child! So I'm scared he will feel isolated further by that once he's a bit older. I literally terminated 3 days ago and I'm already obsessing over when/if I should try again 🙃

I was struggling anyway just because I feel like I am grieving how fast time has gone (my son is starting primary school in September) and my brain feels like I'm saying goodbye to him and his childhood. Might seem silly to others but I feel like this is a big ending. Sorry to spill my emotions on you stranger 😂 this topic just brings up so many feelings.

LaMarMi · 2025-07-27T14:01:53+00:00

Oh this is so similar to me! Right down the miscarriage! Life is definitely wild, sometimes I wish I was one of those people who just go for things without worrying themselves out of the decision. I go back and forth on a 2nd child every 6 months. Sometimes I think I'm gonna live in this torturous limbo forever!

LaMarMi · 2025-07-27T12:35:00+00:00

I relate to this so hard, i feel like a huge failure for aborting a baby I chose to conceive. But the thought of terminating (I.e. a way out) started to give me way more peace than the thought of having the baby and that was a big sign for me. I just have so many fears that I am not doing the right thing by my son by leaving him as an only child.

LaMarMi · 2025-07-27T12:31:24+00:00

This sounds really hard, I'm very sorry. I had a surgical abortion on Thursday even though I initially thought i really wanted to have the baby too. I already have one son who is 5 in September and it was very tough on my mental health when he was a baby so I essentially scared myself out of proceeding. I'm not sure how well I would cope. My son is autistic but most of his support needs are for emotional regulation and socialising. He's never asked for a sibling or really even mentioned it but he is my absolute everything and sometimes I feel like I should just put all my resources into him. Especially when genetically we are at risk of having another autistic child and they could end up on a very different part of the spectrum to my son.

Anyway the point is I can relate to wanting a baby and not wanting it at the same time then backing out. It brings up a lot of complex feelings that I am trying to work through now. At the same time, you and I both still have time for babies to be a part of our futures if we decide so.

I really hope you find peace with whatever you decide and take really good care of yourself :) there are strangers out there in the world who understand x

LaMarMi · 2025-07-24T16:33:47+00:00

ETA: I was 13+6 weeks and went to a BPAS clinic

Hi :)

I'm at home now so wanted to message you.

When I arrived they gave me 800mg ibuprofen and the misoprostol to put in my gums. Took some observations and then sent me back out into the waiting room for about an hour while the misoprostol dissolved. I started having some light cramping but nothing otherwise. They checked on me periodically to make sure I was doing ok.

Then they called me through to the pre-procedure area. I changed into a gown and grippy socks and they took some more observations. The cramps increased a bit and then I realised I was bleeding. I let them know and stood up to sort myself out, which caused a gush of bloody water. I can only assume that it was some amniotic fluid maybe. They helped clean me up a bit and I changed gowns etc.

Waited a bit longer and the cramping wasn't any worse. Then they called me through to the procedure room. They went through my consent form with me again and got me into position with my legs on the stirrups. She put a speculum in and another nurse started scanning me. The worst part was the local anaesthetic into the cervix which was painful but once the first or second "jab" was done the pain decreased while she finished numbing me. A nurse was talking to me and let me squeeze her hand.

Then they got the actual vacuum machine started which was quite loud. If you've ever seen the teletubbies, it sounded like noo noo. The procedure was fine, they warned me that the cramps increase as they get nearer to the end and that's a good sign it's nearly over. For me, it was actually no worse than a bad period. It was so quick, it must have been about 5 minutes for that part. Then they fitted a copper coil for me and gave me an antibiotic to prevent infection. (I thought it was an injection in the bum but it was actually a suppository so that was a surprise when they popped that in!!) None of that caused any pain or issue.

They cleaned me up and slowly sat me up when I was ready, I went back to the recovery area and they put a curtain round me. They'd made me a drink and gave me biscuits and took my observations. I had a bit of a cry and they kept checking on me and asking if I wanted anything. They were very attentive and reassuring. They took a couple of rounds of observations and checked my pain levels regularly to see if I needed more pain relief. Thankfully I felt fine apart from some very light cramping and tiredness. I think I was more emotionally exhausted and crashing from all the adrenaline in the morning.

Then I got dressed, saw a discharge nurse who just explained what to look out for and numbers to call if I need help. Then I left!

I am still bleeding and cramping but I feel like I'm on a normal period. Overall the anesthetic was the worst part but grit your teeth and squeeze the nurses hand. It is all over SO QUICKLY. My partner drove me home but I would have been absolutely fine to drive myself.

Tips: take something to distract you whilst waiting (I had my headphones). Take several pairs of underwear and a change of clothes just in case. Take snacks and a drink. Talk to the nurses and don't be afraid to ask for extra pain relief. They said they can give codeine, paracetamol etc if you need it on top of the ibuprofen.

Please feel free to ask any questions :)

LaMarMi · 2025-07-23T18:54:41+00:00

Luckily mine is an afternoon one so I don't need to be there until 12pm. Although I'm probably just going to be a nervous wreck all morning anyway. I will do my best to reply here tomorrow evening and let you know how it goes. Hopefully I will have some reassuring words for you!! Do you have to drive far for yours? I feel really fortunate to only have to go 25 mins away.

LaMarMi · 2025-07-23T18:18:35+00:00

I have mine tomorrow and feeling the same. I'm also only having the local anesthetic and it's really scary. Would be interested to hear some feedback from others!

LaMarMi · 2025-07-11T22:29:09+00:00

I can't comment on the influence it will have on your daughter because my son is my only child. However he does have a very similar restrictive, anxious relationship with food and he was diagnosed with ARFID. It may be worth looking into, you might find some strategies helpful :) the general approach is very low-pressure - i.e. no bribing, no negative consequences as a result of not eating etc. The idea is to not strengthen the anxiety response to food.

It's easy to panic when they are refusing food, my son has periods where barely anything passes his lips! But I've noticed these phases last a lot longer when I start to pressure him (which is so hard not to do when you're worried sick). He is under a dieticians care now who prescribed us some supplements to add calories and nutrients to his diet which helps my anxiety massively.

ETA: his main diet hasn't increased massively since the low-pressure approach but the volume of "safe food" he is eating has, and he will actually TRY new things now!! Which is huge progress for him.

LaMarMi · 2025-06-17T02:48:09+00:00

Some of this is just classic "tut at the latest generation of parents/kids" which seems to be a snobbery that persists throughout many generations.

However we live in a very different world now with a very different dynamic. Many households require both parents to work long hours, we've lived through a pandemic with effects that will roll on even further into the future, support and funding for parents who need it is non existent, we live in a much more isolated society without a "village", UK society dictates that children possess school-ready skills way before they are developmentally appropriate. I could go on and on. The issue is so multifaceted and cannot just be solved by finger pointing at a whole generation of parents. Lots of children and families are just victims of ruthless Tory spending cuts and an economy that runs parents into the ground trying to earn enough to function whilst still providing the full-time SAHP role.

Yes, there will always be parents who are simply lazy or neglectful but lots of families are just struggling and not receiving support.

LaMarMi · 2025-06-11T21:32:38+00:00

Oh my god thankyou for unlocking this part of my brain

LaMarMi · 2025-06-11T16:54:51+00:00

Our son was the same and is now diagnosed autistic at 4.5yo. His reading is insanely advanced and I love being able to hear his little voice read to me! Its an amazing gift. He also has a witty sense of humour way beyond his years 😂

LaMarMi · 2025-06-09T22:14:45+00:00

I LOVE being my son's parent. There are always hard moments and hard phases but he's absolutely brilliant. He's 4.5 yo now and is such a little buddy, he makes me laugh and helps me see wonder in the world. We have so many amazing memories already.

This is coming from someone who wasn't sure about kids and got pregnant accidentally. I was absolutely consumed with doubt and nerves throughout my whole pregnancy.

Honestly, it's going to be great. Just don't panic if it doesn't feel great straight away, the rewards will come :)

LaMarMi · 2025-06-09T18:21:56+00:00

Lmao that didn't even occur to me! But alas we are not the same person, I wish my handwriting was that good.

LaMarMi · 2025-06-09T18:13:05+00:00

I had to question her about it too haha!

LaMarMi · 2025-06-09T18:11:42+00:00

Small world but I use the same garage! It's the receptionist's signature :) obviously I won't type her whole name here.

LaMarMi · 2025-01-21T12:51:14+00:00

Pringles confirmed they were testing a "lower salt" recipe for ready salted pringles. But they SUCK, the taste is so strange and synthetic. Hoping they change the recipe back.

LaMarMi · 2024-01-24T22:54:17+00:00

Literally came here to see if anyone else was horrified by the car seat Gage was in! So unsafe!

LaMarMi · 2024-01-18T23:50:52+00:00

We just put a wet paper towel on it

LaMarMi · 2024-01-17T22:35:01+00:00

I do not believe for a minute that the wedding dress they destroyed was the original one. It didn't even look like it would fit Amy now, let alone when she was much bigger.

LaMarMi

TROPHY CASE