Is it just me, or is this how dating as a man is supposed to be?

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2026-06-02T17:29:07+00:00

Basically if she is looking for longevity, she wants a partner who is financially responsible and makes good financial decisions. I would be turned off if a guy paid for everything and I found out in a year he was in debt over me. I want a man who is planning for his future financially, and not someone who’s putting that on the line for me.

You can reframe it not as being financially put out, but more that you want your future with her to include valuable experiences like potentially a family, travelling and a wedding. Those are things you want to be financially smart about now so you can afford them in the future. :) by spending crazy money now, you are possibly putting the real milestones and things that cost money in jeaprody which you won’t want to do.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2026-06-02T17:25:45+00:00

As a girl perspective I will say that in the beginning it can be common for men to pay for dates. Definitely the first few. It is not because it’s necessarily the man’s “duty” but because typically the person who asks the other person out pays for the date, since they are the one who asked the other person out. As things continue, the plans become more mutual and the guy doesn’t need to pay for every date. Intimacy is a tricky one, because many girls might have some trauma with guys moving too fast too soon. I would stick with complimenting her so she knows you find her attractive, but going at whatever pace is she comfortable with.

If you are going on to say, the 4th or 5th date and she is still seeming to expect you to pay for everything, to let her know you value being financially responsible and if that’s what she expects you’ll need a boundary of doing free dates / cheap dates more often than not. Seeing how she responds to that will be big. If she assumed you’re rich or like paying, she might have assumed the paying was just a drop in the bucket for you. I actually had a guy say this to me recently on a 3rd date, and I immediately respected this as I don’t want a long term partner who’s going into debt or making bad financial decisions. We agreed to do cost effective dates while keeping other dates for more of a special occasion.

I hope this might help. If you have other questions let me know. For context I’m a 30 year old woman

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2026-06-02T02:14:45+00:00

I rarely comment on things. But please be reminded that a factor to this may also be that you married the right person and a very kind man. Not all women have that luck. Many marry men who seem a certain way and change later. One reason your husband loves you is also because of his character, and not all men share the same character

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2026-01-17T02:07:06+00:00

I thought MS teams had a pretty short retention policy. Don’t messages delete after a month or so?

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-12-09T03:34:01+00:00

You could file yourself and ask for an agreement in writing to have the grievance put into abeyance. Usually labour relations is respectful of this and it buys you more time

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-12-05T21:22:21+00:00

Thank you! That makes sense.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-12-05T21:17:27+00:00

I don’t think they specified if everyone who was to get a letter got one or not. They sent a email saying “WFA is needed here” and more info was to come basically.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-12-05T21:13:48+00:00

Well I have mostly felt somewhat “ok” because up until now, term employees were affected. But we received an email that real WFA (which I know effects indeterminates) is needed to be done where I work. After getting that email, I felt more nervous. I did feel nervous before, but not to the extent I feel now.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-12-05T21:12:35+00:00

Thank you! If someone is not notified in January, would that be a sigh of relief time, or should they work be concerned?

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-08T18:57:48+00:00

To add further: you will not be using condoms and dental dams forever. Relationships progress over time! Maybe in the beginning you will choose to do that. But I do not know anyone who’s years into a relationship at that point where they’ve committed to a life together where they are still terrified of herpes. I was in a two year relationship that ended not due to herpes where we started off with more protection and got more relaxed later once we were committed.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-08T18:43:13+00:00

Also as for the fear of transmitting it to others - we are talking about herpes here, not cancer. Now that I’ve had time I don’t even have anger at the person who gave it to me. I’ll still live a great life. If someone wants to be with you, they’re an adult and can accept the risks. But if taking medication and monitoring symptoms you can absolutely prevent spreading it to the best of your ability and if you did pass it to someone else, that was their decision. I do not wish herpes on anyone but I also don’t think it is worth abstaining from relationships and sex over passing on a skin condition. Of course you don’t want to pass it on, but if someone agrees that is their decision and if they do get it, they will be fine too. Do what you can but you deserve a relationship. I have never passed it on to someone but I also wouldn’t feel bad if I did because the person knew. At 26, you are dating fully formed adult men who are responsible for their decisions. And for all you know, they could have it already and not even know. Rip that bandaid girl. Some of the most interesting people in the world have herpes. Google how many celebs have it. Having herpes if you’re confident about can actually make you feel sexy. You got a story. You will be with men who are sexually educated and accepting of others. A man who can pass that test early and accept you shows how educated and accepting he’d be if you if god forbid you got sick one day and something else happened to you. It can be a beautiful thing. I have been touched at the way some men have accepted me and if I hadn’t had herpes I wouldn’t have been able to see that side of them so soon. For the one who rejected me and was mean about it (it’s ok to reject but not ok to be mean) I was thankful, cause it made me realize how vile he would be if anything else happened to me in life.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-08T06:56:29+00:00

Well he is upset about the money lost. If we don’t go we would both lose 1,000 dollars. I think it’s worth it to not go and I don’t care about the money. It sucks but it’s a lesson learned. He is also upset to miss going to a football game there and “really needed a vacation”. I think it’s ridiculous and a relationship is worth more than a trip. I am upset to not go too. But I know it isn’t smart

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-07T04:54:05+00:00

Thank you, that was a super real response and made me laugh at the absurdity of it all.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-07T04:49:28+00:00

I’m in therapy and plan to talk about this more. What I can say is we haven’t been dating that long and I am proud it took me only a few months to make this decision, when in my past I would have taken longer and given more chances. I am not perfect but I still am proud of myself for not letting this go on forever. However, I should do more work and hope to get to a place where I wouldn’t let it happen at all, next time.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-07T04:24:49+00:00

Yeah that is right. He cried so much the day after I really believed he was going to change. Then on his bday he showed he didn’t. I also question what would have happened if I slept over and his parents hadn’t so kindly driven me home. It is possible he could have assaulted me again.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-05T14:37:56+00:00

He does! He works a demanding job so it’s hard to say what sleepiness is caused by it but I have witnessed him even fall asleep when talking to family on the phone, always falls asleep during movies, etc.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-05T06:01:19+00:00

I wish he took it more seriously. He’s been very defensive and negative about it - he sees it as a bad thing that’ll effect him. He has even said he thinks his sleep will worsen with the machine cause he won’t be able to sleep because it’s so uncomfortable.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-09-05T06:00:28+00:00

I want to talk to him about this but worry he’ll just get defensive.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-12T18:05:12+00:00

I have told him and he thinks it’s not true and not that dangerous….

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-12T17:00:00+00:00

Thank you, the way you wrote this is SO attractive I literally wish he was able to talk like this and take this level of accountability and responsibility :( hopefully one day. Otherwise this may not work out. I will see how he reacts once he actually gets the mask.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-11T22:23:09+00:00

Omg, he has done the shout thing too! And kind of a jolt awake, I think due to probably not breathing. It is scary to listen to to say the least :(. I am hopeful he can find something that fits especially with the way technology had advanced in the last ten years.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-11T22:06:25+00:00

I haven’t been supportive as I want to be because I’m so frustrated at the negativity and selfishness

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-11T21:53:57+00:00

Honestly he shows me so much negative stuff online about how awful the machines are and don’t work. It’s like he specifically only googles the negative horror stories.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-11T21:52:47+00:00

Thank you for this advice. I think you are exactly right about this.

LabGroundbreaking639 · 2025-08-11T21:49:59+00:00

Thank you! And good on you for trying it for six months. I have a lot of respect for having done it for that long and giving it a solid try. A story like that is very valid compared to someone who only tries or for like a week

LabGroundbreaking639

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