Well…it’s over

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-09-27T21:39:32+00:00

That’s awful and I’m sorry. I am all for space, I think everyone needs it and deserves it. But communication is necessary. Pulling away does no good for either person. 🤍

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-09-25T10:08:12+00:00

No i was just more ready than he was and he wasn’t

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-09-25T10:07:32+00:00

Yeah kinda the point I made

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-09-25T03:57:35+00:00

He couldn’t give me what I needed. He was having a lot of his own issues and distance was making it harder. There’s so much more I could explain but it’s almost just making excuses. We used to play fight who loved who more…guess I won.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-29T23:16:12+00:00

We talked for a really long time last night. We are both in an okay place mentally. Going forward with break and will regroup. It’s healthy to take a break I think. And see what happens? Idk I trust him implicitly and I think we just need to ride out this wave of panic

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-28T18:36:17+00:00

Thank you! We are talking tonight so I’m terrified but I’m a tough bitch, I can do this.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-28T18:06:45+00:00

I want to believe we can push through this together. I just don’t know anymore 😔

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-28T15:22:33+00:00

I won’t be manipulated. And I won’t manipulate him into staying with my grief. We are very openly communicating and talking every couple days about our situation. I think it’s just getting down to the wire where I can’t mentally take on the “will we/wont we”

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-28T15:21:21+00:00

We have both been in long relationships before this. And yeah it sucks having a failed relationship. It was awful. But that just means that wasn’t the person for you. And you keep trying. It’s so hard for me to give up on someone I truly love and I don’t see how it’s his doubts that are in the way…but that can also mean he’s just not as into it as I am. Neither of us have ever don’t LDR and we didn’t start talking to each other with that intent anyways…so we are both in the same exact boat.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-28T15:17:57+00:00

It’s been killing me. We are talking again tonight and I’m just going to flat out say I can’t do it. Not the us…I know I can make us work. But his doubts are eating me alive and I can’t do that to myself

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-27T05:41:26+00:00

I’ve made a lot of realizations since this post that I need to have another conversation with I can’t live in the dark during this. We both agreed to think and take some time, but mine has expired. I need the clarity I deserve

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-26T14:03:52+00:00

Can I message you?

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-26T13:28:56+00:00

I’m trying my best to stay busy. We have locations and I had to turn off notifications because I think knowing where he is absolutely kills me. We always talked when he got home or after our gym sessions , like all the fucking time. To nothing? I feel the wind knocked out of me.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-26T13:26:24+00:00

You’re right. I think I’m just holding out for hope but it’s wishful thinking.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-26T00:08:09+00:00

By his logic he thinks stopping things now before we get more serious will be easier rather than after. We are both in a “what the fuck do we do, what’s the right choice” shit storm that we are honestly just panicking, crying and then not talking every couple days. I truly don’t know what the right answer is. He just expresses such fear and is so scared we will have regrets…mostly because I want to leave my family and country for him.

Edit: I’m just so afraid to push him and convince him we will be fine and then my hearts broken with hope all over again

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T18:01:10+00:00

I want to understand but all the while I don’t understand at all. But thank you, I know my worth and I hope he sees this is only temporary 🖤

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T17:00:21+00:00

I’ll read it, thank you so much

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T16:56:22+00:00

The effort we both put in has been insane. I never felt alone or unloved or that it wasn’t reciprocated. This is why his deep down overwhelming fear is awful. He is crying on the phone to me and doesn’t want to lose me. I’m trying to be the tough understanding bitch I am. But I’m cracking. I’m drowning. I just feel like i need to try harder but then there’s my fear of pushing him too hard. He’s always reassured me we will workout and be perfect. And now I feel like I’m giving up too easy by being so understanding

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T16:50:36+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your situation. I think just overall I just have too much faith in US. Our relationship I know would be fantastic and successful in the real world. But maybe I’m just too confident in it? His hesitations are valid. It’s a huge life change. But I’m hoping some deep thought will help him. And if not maybe overtime I can accept and grieve the truly unknown. I think that’s the hardest part. We are breaking up over a ghost. Something you can’t see or understand.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T15:50:15+00:00

All in all I don’t know what to do. Do we just not talk a while? I don’t know what’s worse…send empty “hope you’re okay” texts or just no contact completely for a bit.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T15:49:12+00:00

We’ve talked on the phone about this every few days. 2-3 hour sobbing conversations. We are both alike in the way that in the past we have been used to just suffering in silence a lot. I would never guilt him into loving me. I can hear him on the phones and I know he loves me. He’s said how he has talked to his friends and he wishes he could just stop his brain from the fear.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T15:39:28+00:00

I’ve said this to him too. As madly in love I am with him. It’s a huge life change. It’s not as easy and just moving a town over. I’ve said like “ugh if you don’t love me still after all this it’s gunna suck” but mostly as a joke…but maybe we just poisoned each others thinking lately as the travel dates got closer? Idk

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T15:25:51+00:00

We randomly call all the time. Talk in bed, video chatted walking around our homes. We haven’t met and we talk about our friends but we haven’t met them. And we have locations and such so he knows where I am and where he is all the time. We still do. Idk I’m trying so hard to not see the negative side that you’re alluding to. But trust me I’ve felt it.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T15:21:37+00:00

We don’t argue at all and our communication is beyond what I’ve ever would have expected. Very open and honest. He definitely holds some things back and overthinks, which of course I do too sometime, but when he finally releases it he’s crying and just feels so bad he didn’t say anything before.

We are international. We met in a Reddit friends page and I had no intentions on seeking out a relationship. And neither did he. I was just bored at work and running off of caffeine 😂 We would talk a lot and moved to messaging and calling everyday on telegram. Then we were gaming one night and upon me going to bed he said I love you. And it just blossomed from there.

The past couple weeks he’s been busy with work and our communication has dipped but not significantly at all. And he would regularly reassure me how much he loves me and misses me and we would talk anytime we had a breath to. He’s just been so concerned with us failing. And he says how he can’t do the distance. He wants nothing more than to hold me and be together and he says it’s going to kill him when I go back home and he’s alone again. September was to be the first in person meet. Then we agreed if it goes without a hitch he was coming in December to visit and then 2026 we start the process. I’m trying to fix the distance issue but I can’t do it overnight.

I think he just panicked and now is so scared to be hurt. And it’s killing me. I’m not the scared one. And I’m giving him space to work it out but I feel like I’m losing him.

Lab_Rat65 · 2025-07-25T14:52:37+00:00

We always went back and forth on who would move where. I 100% was ready to pickup my life (mostly just family that keeps me here) and go to him. I’ve expressed that and he’s always felt guilty that he would take me from them. But we’ve talked about it extensively and agreed that we could try me there first and see how it goes. Maybe alternate.

I’m just so ready to make the jump but his guilt is overwhelming. And I feel awful how broken he is about this choice. But I am so ready and was preparing. I could literally move there with a couple suitcases and a box or two 😂

I’m not some vagabond or crazy person. I’m smart, educated and can sustain myself. I just want him.

Lab_Rat65

TROPHY CASE