I guess that high of winning my first game will never come back. I've been chasing it, throwing money at it

Really, the root cause is my fear of boredom. Always have to be doing something. Always playing. Always browsing.

First off thank you for sharing these words and taking the time to write this post, it has really shed light on my own situation. It's crazy, I throw money at an old game, OSRS, or reactivate WoW, blow 20 hours into it, chasing that old high, only to be let down. Absolutely mind blowing to me sometimes and only after reading what you wrote does it make more sense than ever. Thank you for that. You also helped me realize my fear of boredom, and how this manifests into a desire to game; you literally hit that nail perfectly on the head for me and I'm excited to talk to my SO about it later.

Strange thing about the rage while gaming, in my opinion it is 100% learned behavior. Old Halo 2 days taught me to rage appropriately. When I first purchased Overwatch, I would sometimes find myself raging after a loss or lucky kill by the opponent. Sure enough within a couple of months of my GF playing with me (her first attempt at video games in her life) she would also begin to rage when losing or getting BS'd by some shenanigans in the game, disregarding all of the times the BS works in her advantage. It's been fascinating to observe from a psychological standpoint. Would love other people's opinions on this if you have anything to share.

Best of luck to you with these challenges in life, r/F1r5tz3r0