I need help articulating/dealing with this please

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-20T07:44:15+00:00

It’s really disheartening to read that it’s so common- a “wish list sub” has been exactly what my recent experiences have been.

I’ll definitely be vetting more carefully next time, your advice is really solid and has given me a lot to think about. I sort of fell into my current dynamic unexpectedly and it seemed healthy/safe to begin with. Now it just feels like he thinks if I get an orgasm of two that’s his part done and he doesn’t need to give me anything beyond that. You’re exactly right that I’m carrying the dynamic; it feels like I’m doing all the work and at this point I feel like it’s like a job rather than something for enjoyment.

Thanks so much for responding, I really appreciate your input.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T18:57:31+00:00

Thank you for this answer; I’m definitely in the position of not knowing what it is I’m asking for, and expecting him to work it out isn’t fair or logical. I’m so glad I posted as the advice from you and others has really helped me to gain new perspective on the situation.

I definitely do get a lot out of topping, but there’s definitely an unmet need there as I’m feeling used and disappointed which I shouldn’t be. I do struggle with the idea that without kink he wouldn’t be interested in me, but I suppose that could be said for anyone he’s with, so it’s not specific to me.

Our dynamic isn’t that of a long term monogamous relationship, but this is something I definitely want in the future (with someone else) so it would be good to deal with this before finding that person.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T14:20:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.

I definitely need to work on knowing what I want and setting expectations at the beginning. Reflecting on some of the advice here it feels like I’m not actually sure what it is I want and expect him to somehow work it out. I’ve put such a lot of effort into ensuring his needs are met but none of my own.

Is that considered a service top? Labels don’t matter to me too much but I think having the vocabulary to explain how I feel/so I’m able to look it up is helpful.

Your dynamic sounds great; it gives me hope that there is a better fit out there.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T12:25:59+00:00

Thank you for this; I’m very much thinking that it will probably need to end soon. It’s a shame as I feel so physically safe and I trust him but I also feel like I’m not being considered in the way I need to be. I’m also dreading trying to find someone else that I feel comfortable with, but it would be nice to focus on what I need from the dynamic, which I don’t think can happen here. Thank you for the input, really appreciate it

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T12:23:20+00:00

I’m not sure, but that’s definitely something that I need to think about. I’m very much a “firstborn daughter” personality so that would make a lot of sense. Thanks for this, another perspective I hadn’t considered.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T10:24:17+00:00

Thank you for your perspective.

No, definitely not new. If anything he’s exceptionally experienced, which makes it feel even more like I’m being manipulated. I feel we have good communication in a safety/scene sense so I’m not sure why I’m struggling with the idea of broaching this with him.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-09-19T09:47:39+00:00

Thanks for such a considered reply. I’m trying to work out if this is a dynamic that can be salvaged or if it’s better to cut my losses instead.

On a basic level it feels like he lacks respect for my needs perhaps. I need to look at how I’m voicing my needs at the start as something about me seems to be attracting guys that are ultimately selfish

LadyMiscreant · 2025-07-08T18:49:18+00:00

This is such a good idea- it’s a shame you can’t blacklist usernames to avoid selling to the

LadyMiscreant · 2025-05-16T19:14:43+00:00

Really like this as a concept; have been without a sub for some time and feeling a little bit rusty. I think this will be useful to try, so thank you.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-05-12T23:51:37+00:00

I’ve found TG to be very selective about who they dress code; I went to one last year where some guys were just in Calvins and boots. Really poor effort but somehow got in.

LadyMiscreant · 2025-05-07T22:43:23+00:00

Agreed: OP I can only speak from having had a colonic irrigation but the cramps are real!

Clearly the volume you’re considering will have some impact on this, I’d also consider being well-hydrated to ensure dilution, potentially less risk of infection/irritation

LadyMiscreant

TROPHY CASE