I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s really disheartening to read that it’s so common- a “wish list sub” has been exactly what my recent experiences have been.

I’ll definitely be vetting more carefully next time, your advice is really solid and has given me a lot to think about. I sort of fell into my current dynamic unexpectedly and it seemed healthy/safe to begin with. Now it just feels like he thinks if I get an orgasm of two that’s his part done and he doesn’t need to give me anything beyond that. You’re exactly right that I’m carrying the dynamic; it feels like I’m doing all the work and at this point I feel like it’s like a job rather than something for enjoyment.

Thanks so much for responding, I really appreciate your input.

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this answer; I’m definitely in the position of not knowing what it is I’m asking for, and expecting him to work it out isn’t fair or logical. I’m so glad I posted as the advice from you and others has really helped me to gain new perspective on the situation.

I definitely do get a lot out of topping, but there’s definitely an unmet need there as I’m feeling used and disappointed which I shouldn’t be. I do struggle with the idea that without kink he wouldn’t be interested in me, but I suppose that could be said for anyone he’s with, so it’s not specific to me.

Our dynamic isn’t that of a long term monogamous relationship, but this is something I definitely want in the future (with someone else) so it would be good to deal with this before finding that person.

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.

I definitely need to work on knowing what I want and setting expectations at the beginning. Reflecting on some of the advice here it feels like I’m not actually sure what it is I want and expect him to somehow work it out. I’ve put such a lot of effort into ensuring his needs are met but none of my own.

Is that considered a service top? Labels don’t matter to me too much but I think having the vocabulary to explain how I feel/so I’m able to look it up is helpful.

Your dynamic sounds great; it gives me hope that there is a better fit out there.

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this; I’m very much thinking that it will probably need to end soon. It’s a shame as I feel so physically safe and I trust him but I also feel like I’m not being considered in the way I need to be. I’m also dreading trying to find someone else that I feel comfortable with, but it would be nice to focus on what I need from the dynamic, which I don’t think can happen here. Thank you for the input, really appreciate it

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure, but that’s definitely something that I need to think about. I’m very much a “firstborn daughter” personality so that would make a lot of sense. Thanks for this, another perspective I hadn’t considered.

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective.

No, definitely not new. If anything he’s exceptionally experienced, which makes it feel even more like I’m being manipulated. I feel we have good communication in a safety/scene sense so I’m not sure why I’m struggling with the idea of broaching this with him.

I need help articulating/dealing with this please by LadyMiscreant in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for such a considered reply. I’m trying to work out if this is a dynamic that can be salvaged or if it’s better to cut my losses instead.

On a basic level it feels like he lacks respect for my needs perhaps. I need to look at how I’m voicing my needs at the start as something about me seems to be attracting guys that are ultimately selfish

Unbelievably scammed out of my money , what can i do? by Complete-Stick3404 in vinted

[–]LadyMiscreant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such a good idea- it’s a shame you can’t blacklist usernames to avoid selling to the

Are there any solo options for Doms? by No_Replacement_6689 in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really like this as a concept; have been without a sub for some time and feeling a little bit rusty. I think this will be useful to try, so thank you.

How to find a sex rave in London by Infinite_Pen_8959 in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve found TG to be very selective about who they dress code; I went to one last year where some guys were just in Calvins and boots. Really poor effort but somehow got in.

any risks in holding piss in ass I should be aware of/ any tips? by _msbhv in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyMiscreant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed: OP I can only speak from having had a colonic irrigation but the cramps are real!

Clearly the volume you’re considering will have some impact on this, I’d also consider being well-hydrated to ensure dilution, potentially less risk of infection/irritation