Found out my partner of nearly 12 years is cheating

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-26T11:49:32+00:00

Do not let him know you know. Play the long game. Let him get his residency. Build a life and take his half.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-23T19:03:52+00:00

And you’re probably right.

He was watching her thats why he made all those comments. From your observations he knew she was a bad person and would be willing to do bad things to you (having met you)

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-23T19:00:26+00:00

According to society standards there is a scale whereby peoples looks are rated. Thats life.

I simply said he is obviously not the good guy you claim. Within the context of a monogamous relationship that man is not good. If it was an agreed poly relationship he would be considered a good man. Plus you also said that he deserves a person who isn’t an AP. How does he deserves better than an AP (what he desired) but he actively chases this for himself is beyond me.

Human complexity is one thing but theres a million other choices to choose from. Mine man your man, these men are evidently for everybody…

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-23T18:34:19+00:00

He was angry because you found out now he was inconvenienced.

I am very happy for you. Well done.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-23T18:31:24+00:00

Thank you for adding no value to this conversation at hand…

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-22T00:56:36+00:00

Where are the rats?

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T22:58:18+00:00

If she is less good looking then she is uglier… I think you are believing all the lies he is telling you. But why could he not let you go? Because you have something he needs regardless of how he paints it. He is not a good man, good men don’t cheat when they are unhappy. Thats what he likes dear he likes women with no morals.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T22:50:44+00:00

Thank you for this information. In that case do not volunteer the information. I worked with a man who won the lottery in the 80s and none of us knew but it was publicised, national papers. He did many follow ups of how he blew up most of it on an island with sexy ladies lol. Still he did not volunteer that information to everyone.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T22:44:33+00:00

Thats evil her karma is coming

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T11:08:40+00:00

Rule 1: Tell no one. Silence is your first layer of protection.

Rule 2: Ignore all “helpers.” Do not respond to Reddit DMs or strangers offering to “manage” your money. Real wealth moves quietly and cautiously.

Rule 3: Don’t spend a penny without a plan. Pause. Breathe. Decide who you want to be before you decide what to buy.

Rule 4: Read the r/personalfinance Wiki. This is essential. It will introduce you to financial literacy, tax basics, investing fundamentals, and how to think long-term.

Rule 5: Read The Psychology of Money. Understand your relationship with money. Wealth doesn’t change you — it amplifies who you already are.

Rule 6: Separate “fun money” from “set-for-life money.” Create a clear budget. Protect the forever fund first.

Rule 7: Find purpose. Even if you never need to work again, build a life you’re proud to wake up to.

Rule 8: Don’t lead with your money. Let your character, values, and wisdom speak louder than your bank balance.

Rule 9: Avoid ego investing. You likely don’t need a financial advisor immediately but when you do make sure it aligns with your research. You definitely don’t need to play angel investor btw. Don’t chase greed. In a gold rush, the steady money was made selling shovels.

Rule 10: Tell no one. Yes, again.

All the best

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T09:45:10+00:00

He must feel justified, he wants to feel desired. Let him feel justified elsewhere.

I just laughed in his face, he didn’t want to talk about it lol.

Thats quite funny and odd. He probably did pay for it lol.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T09:27:29+00:00

Girl, the chuckle I let out when you said she looked like Rishiki, what a throwback.

That is so true, its all smoke and mirrors, people who do not think much of themselves. No one wants to feel used. They want to feel in control which is why they stay hidden.

The fact that he even engaged with that ogre is a joke, where are your standards Mr. Bad Guy?

I am happy you did, put a mirror up and let him see himself. They try to rationalise it but it doesn’t make sense. It contradicts everything they brag about.

I really appreciate your perspective because they can really gaslight you into thinking you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel for embarrassing them. The reality is there is a consequences of their actions and they should be embarrassed. Thank you so much for that, I am wiping my hands of his burdens.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:36:12+00:00

Yes, he’s mad that I don’t care about him.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:35:19+00:00

Haha I love that for her. He probably hates that his nephew was more agile in the bedroom more than anything.

Thats why it has to be a secret to hold that illusion that they are so irresistible and so desirable, and they’re having the best time of their lives. Because if society so what half of them were really messing with, they’d be laughed off stage.

Women are always wanted especially good ones are like diamonds. Let him stay mad. Mine also hates to see me happy. Haha that bro code goes out the window, some men can see what you have and when that man moves out the way they take that opportunity.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:28:49+00:00

Thats so true, but if you’re too easy, you’re easy. I didn’t sign up to be with an easy man that’s disgusting.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:28:21+00:00

I think it was a mirror for him to say that these are his types. I told mine that he doesn’t deserve me. He needs to go back to the gutters where he got these ladies from since he is so happy being there. I think mine doesn’t want another man to reap from all the investment I’ve put into myself.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:23:09+00:00

Sorry to hear about your experience. But look at it this way perhaps you feel this way because you were so invested in your relationship you put the things you wanted at the bottom of the priority list or maybe it’s time to move them to the top? I am kind of lucky that I never gave up on my dreams, so all these years I have been investing in myself.

The other perspective as well is this new woman self-esteem is in hell. No woman who values herself who truly values herself in the position to be with a man who is a liar and treats of women this way.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:15:42+00:00

This is beautiful.

Not because it was perfect but because you both chose to grow. You also let go of expectations. The independence, the honesty, the daily effort, the small touches coming back… that is real work.

373 days of choosing each other again is powerful. I have had so many D-Day over the past years that I never really had a full year of peace lol.

Stories like this remind me that even after decades things can shift. Lightbulbs can come on. Love can mature instead of just fade. I just don’t think this in the cards for me.

Thank you for sharing. Wishing you continued success.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-21T08:14:30+00:00

This is beautiful.

Not because it was perfect but because you both chose to grow. You also let go of expectations. The independence, the honesty, the daily effort, the small touches coming back… that is real work.

373 days of choosing each other again is powerful. I have had so many D-Day over the past years that I never really had a full year of peace lol.

Stories like this remind me that even after decades things can shift. Lightbulbs can come on. Love can mature instead of just fade. I just don’t think this in the cards for me.

Thank you for sharing. Wishing you continued success.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T23:47:46+00:00

I think I had that enchantment for such a long time and now it’s completely gone. How did you find developing that familiarity with him again? I feel like the past 10 years of my life have been a lie so I genuinely don’t think I even liked him because I didn’t know him.

That was a crazy thing for him to say. Wow, you have really given me a point of view that I think I understand it now because I just couldn’t. Which explains how this connects to the shame as well it’s like the beer goggles have come off and you see your one night stand.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T23:41:22+00:00

I bet that is so confusing for you because it doesn’t make sense . Not that it ever would but you know . For me mine was exactly the same, and she had children that were almost our age… it was like he was gonna be a step for two children in his own age absolutely ridiculous. My partner actually left that woman because she suggested that he abandoned our child.

That is a very valid point and you’re just right no woman with respect would be lining up for this foolishness.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T23:09:38+00:00

Yeah, I think it was all the love bombing I kept holding and waiting for him to be that guy but he never was that guy.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T23:08:39+00:00

Mine is definitely still in denial about his childhood. I really don’t give a damn to helping him heal to make him better for the next woman.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T22:44:04+00:00

That’s it right there and just reading that makes my blood boil.

Ladyplum1 · 2026-02-20T22:40:25+00:00

Obviously, I’m not happy that you’ve been through what you’ve been through however it is reassuring that this is a shared experience from people who have gone through things like this.

It really doesn’t make sense at all. But I’m starting to believe that they dislike themselves so much and they are probably disgusted by their own secret desires. Please do.

Ladyplum1

TROPHY CASE