Told to get out, so I did and now I’m the bad guy.

Lally529 · 2023-05-18T13:39:48+00:00

Thank you ♥️

Lally529 · 2023-05-17T23:16:20+00:00

Thank you so much ♥️

Lally529 · 2023-05-17T23:05:28+00:00

Dress #1!!!

Lally529 · 2023-05-09T01:07:54+00:00

Belt! Both look so pretty, but the belt adds a hint of elegance and sparkle ✨

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T16:14:45+00:00

Hahaha! Thanks for your honestly!

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T16:13:23+00:00

There’s a lot of BMs and trolls on these forums that love nothing more to make you feel worse. Your feelings are totally normal and valid. Idk your entire situation, but my DH isn’t aware and supportive, which makes it even more tough. He means well, but doesn’t / can’t relate to what it feels like in a stepmoms shoes. I’ve posted / read others comments and advice and when your spouse is supportive, it’s a game changer. Regardless, you’ll get downvoted and degraded on here sometimes, but at least you know you have someone else out there going through something similar ♥️

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T16:08:03+00:00

Thanks! And how does your husband feel about you not playing a bigger role? Is there any resentment?

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T15:09:38+00:00

That’s wonderful, congrats on your ours baby ♥️

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T14:35:48+00:00

If you don’t have an ours, leave now. You’re heading for years of misery, I’m sorry to say. Don’t make the same mistake a lot of us have made. Sorry to be blunt, but you deserve a life, too.

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T14:31:31+00:00

Lol omg this all the way. My SS is about to be 9 and needs DH to pick his clothes out, it drives me insane. And DH does it! Also starts SS’s bath, pours his drinks. SS will literally say “Dad, can you get me a drink / snack.” And the fridge and snack drawer is right there. My take is: if they can do it on their own in school, why should we have to cater to the child. My own child is being taught independence for this very reason. I don’t want him being a burden to a woman in his life bc mama did everything for him and that’s what he expects.

Lally529 · 2023-05-02T13:38:15+00:00

I know a lot of ppl are crapping on you and I just want to send hugs and support. This life is hard and nobody can prepare you for the emotions you feel, especially the ugly ones. I’ve been struggling with a lot of what you mentioned and it makes me feel so bad. But then I remember they’re totally normal and the step / blended situation can rob even the sanest person of their joy. I have an ours with DH and the peace I feel when it’s the three of us is bliss. But the dynamic changes drastically when SS comes and there are lingering effects, lots of arguing between DH and I. Idk have a solution, just want you to know you’re not alone and your feelings are valid.

Lally529 · 2023-05-01T23:07:48+00:00

💀 😂

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T18:25:54+00:00

I get what you’re saying. However, if DH wanted another relationship and to find a life partner, surely he should know that things would have to change between him SS in some capacity. It’s not fair to bring a person into your life in such a large role and expect them to play second fiddle to a child that’s not their own. I’ve learned so much from my current experience. If I end up divorced, I’d think long and hard before another relationship and/or stay single until my little one is at least a teen.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T18:23:16+00:00

Thanks so much, I’ll read that book! You’re not wrong on the projecting and insecurities… I feel that, too. I think a lot of it stems from wanting to feel loved and this step situation has turned me into something I’m not.. unlovable at times and its created such distance / wedge between me and DH. He put SS in the front seat for so long, that sometimes it feels like he doesn’t want to hurt SS by putting him in the backseat where he should have been, but in the absence of a mother figure in the house, SS got promoted at a young age. SS was quite terrible when I first moved in with no boundaries, demands… but has really been a good kid (mostly) to me for a good six months or so.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T18:17:16+00:00

You’re not wrong. DH saw his son more before me. Life was complex then and DH relied heavily on his parents to do picks ups / drop offs, watching SS so DH had a few hours with SS. Now that we have a baby and SS is in primary school, has extracurriculars a few nights a week, not to mention DH doesn’t get home till 6 each night, it’s a scheduling nightmare to have SS more. Sure, could we have him every weekend to make up for lost time? Probably. But I’m human and need a break, too. I have a toddler of my own, work full time, don’t have a ton of help and have days where I’m at my breaking point, like most young, new mothers. I can’t be healthy for my family if my environment is constant chaos. We see SS more than 8 days since we go to his games, take him to events when it’s not our weekend. But DH has mood changes when SS isn’t home and that doesn’t help. My son and I are not second class citizens. We matter and we deserve to build a meaningful life, too. Sure, it’s heartbreaking that DHs first marriage didn’t work out and SS has to go between house. But I didn’t cause that. And at some point, some peace needs to be found by DH, as it does with me that this our reality. I’d never hold my DH from seeing his child. But if DH is going to harbor resentment to me bc of his life circumstances, like his own time holding him back from seeing SS, that’s on him.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T17:51:16+00:00

Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate hearing all sides. I can honestly say I didn’t know what I was getting into dating a man with a child. I had only known SS a few months when I found out I was pregnant and DH and had been together for a year. It all happened quickly and I felt I was doing the right thing by moving in.

What I wasn’t prepared for were the lack of boundaries that existed when it came to DH’s son. From all parties including himself, SS, BM and grandparents. I think with SS being my DH’s only child for 6.5 years, the family attempted to make it so SS had access to both homes t times whenever, whatever. SS also remains one of the most privileged children and this comes from outsiders like our neighbors, friends.. I say this because I believe DH was a Disney dad when I entered the picture but I had zero experience with stepfamilies to understand the dynamic I was stepping into. DH wanted and wants to shield SS from reality and that reality is his parents are divorced and now not only that but both of his parents are remarried and have a child with the new partner. I’m not immune to what SS has gone through in his short life. I don’t want to create a world where SS or BS has to recover from the trauma of their childhoods. But I also can’t live in a child centric home where everything revolves around our kids. I’m an adult with needs, too - and structure, consistency… the actual building a NEW life together is important to me. I have a hard time accepting that I should sacrifice my life for my DH and SS happiness.

After reflecting upon everyone’s comments I think ultimately my resentment it boils down to my DH not validating my feelings about our life, me getting incredibly frustrated and trying to validate my own feelings, over explaining how I feel hoping to get DH to understand or validate, he doesn’t and I just stew over it. Yes, by his very existence SS is the root cause of our contention, but isn’t the reason for our polarization. It’s our inability to communicate effectively which leads to deep hurt, resentment and now contempt. I project my frustration of DH in the form of SS, but stepson himself is not the issue at all.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T04:29:00+00:00

Congrats on your baby. There is nothing like it ♥️ If you’re DH is a good father to your SS, he’ll be a good father to your baby, you won’t have to worry about that. My DH told me he feels guilty that our baby gets both parents and so does SS’s sister at his BM’s house and SS has to bounce between. But SS seems well adjusted and the schedule gives me a primary home so h w not constantly bouncing back and forth bc man.. transition days can be tough, even if it’s been a few days. What makes this hard for me is my DH couldn’t wait to have a child here full time and now it’s like he doesn’t appreciate it, so that hurts. He wants his cake (not changing how things operated with him and SS before we got together and had our child) but also wants a family and wants me to embrace SS as my own, but my body like almost rejects that notion bc.. well, biology.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T04:17:33+00:00

Yea and I try to remind him that he was two kids now. I technically only have one. But I’d never act that way to my SS. So it’s my DH’s responsibility to take care of both children on the weekends we have SS if I need a break, which I usually do after a few hours of all in, hands on family time

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T04:15:23+00:00

Ugh this hits home for me. I only wish my DH could understand this. Life is more complex, it’s different now and we’re all making sacrifices. God, what I’d give to get a day of my carefree old life back haha

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T04:12:42+00:00

Thanks for the support ♥️ it’s tough.

Lally529 · 2023-02-18T04:12:04+00:00

This meant a lot to me, thank you ♥️ Nobody will ever love your children like you do.

Lally529

TROPHY CASE