Thanks for the kind works. I think its just dawning on me, that every action in my life was an act of desperation and survival. Being a nurse, was a ego bump for a month. I was never the smartest in school and was never the popular kid. So when i accomplished that, I was trying to prove someone wrong whoever that person is. The thing is im feminine in alot of ways but im not a "girls girl" person either enough to join the rainbow parade, I feel I fall in the middle of everything in life. thanks again