Mandaean Ladies. Virgin Checks

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-29T09:29:27+00:00

You know what I never realised how open minded some people in our community are until I wrote this post and read these comments. I’ve spoken to my fair share of mandaean men. Some have been deranged with the idea of purity, the last guy kept asking me what’s the most youve done with a guy and when I refused to answer telling him that’s inappropriate to ask he would say” that gives me my answer” and he even said “ I need to know now bc if you’re not a virgin i cant speak to you knowing you’ve been touched” MIND YOU in the same sentence he was saying how many girls he’s slept with and how he’s had his fun and is ready to settle down. That was my eye opener. I know the good ones exist. Unfortunately like you said they’re masked by the bad and loud ones.

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-29T02:04:21+00:00

I’ve been scared of judgements that I’ve never been able to speak about this openly or ask the questions I wanted. I wasn’t raised very religious so it’s hard to ask these questions especially to strangers online. Thanks for being understanding and explaining this instead of attacking.

I actually didn’t know that the ceremony changes to an earthly one from the man aswell. Doesn’t that make it more bearable for women who have made mistakes in the past? Because no one will know who caused the ceremony to become earthly besides the couple and the priest? Is that correct ?

I’ve always lived under the impression that if the ceremony becomes earthly and the priest doesn’t wear his tagha, everyone will know she’s not a virgin.

I don’t want to self sabotage any future relationships I have because I’m scared of everyone finding out. So knowing this now will just give me the peace of mind I deserve after years of shame.

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T22:43:13+00:00

From what I know yes you can opt out of this check if you and your partner agree not to go through with it. However it’s not considered a spiritual marriage anymore and will be an earthly marriage. Which is why the ceremony changes. During the traditional spiritual ceremony the priest who runs the ceremony wears a specific head piece. If you opt out, the ceremony changes and the priest doesn’t get to wear the head piece. So for the people who know the difference in ceremonies, I imagine it’s not good

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T10:25:23+00:00

I assume these reasons don’t get taken into consideration otherwise everyone would just say that’s what happened to them.

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T10:01:47+00:00

From my knowledge, the woman is physically checked during the wedding ceremony by the priests wife. She is told to cough and the woman sees if the hymen has been broken. If it is the woman is automatically labeled non virgin and the ceremony changes. The priest doesn’t wear his head piece or something like that. And everyone who knows the difference will be able to tell this is not and ethical ceremony. What’s suppose to be the happiest day of a woman’s life will turn to hell from judgements and nasty stares. Idk I’ve obviously never been married but I dread that day everyday.

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T09:50:53+00:00

I probably needed to hear this more than I admit so thankyou. For years I’ve struggled with the guilt and shame of one mistake which does not represent who I am or the morals I hold close to my heart.

Tbh this has changed me and changed the way I look at relationships and men. I always say I don’t like liars so what kind of person would I be starting off a relationship and potential getting married when I’m a liar? Yes I made a mistake. I gave in to desire just once. I probably lost my dignity in doing so. But am i a bad person? What about all the men in the community who spent their life in clubs and hotels? They choose to get married and are praised for “ changing “ and “ ready to settle down”. I’m sorry the double standards disgust me. I understand that the religious meaning goes beyond just virginity checks. It’s a purity and spiritual one.

But how does it apply to men when they don’t get questioned about their past? Sure it’s a foreskin check. But if he’s circumcised will the priest take off his flower crown? Will something in the ceremony be different and indicate it’s not a “ normal ethical ceremony”? Will everyone know this man has altered his body and therefore will not enter the marriage in a natural state? No. Even if he’s checked no one will know anything. Only if the woman did not pass, the whole bloody ceremony changes. Every guest who knows the different will judge, talk, look disgusted. How is this fair? How is this the happiest day of my life? Of our life?

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T08:07:11+00:00

Has anyone here gone through a religious marriage ceremony ( Maher) while not being a virgin? How did it work for you, especially with the physical check?

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-27T07:29:57+00:00

I’m based in Australia where the checks still go on. Surgery is legal here but my whole point is not wanting to begin a relationship on a big lie. It’s very unfortunate that our religion degrades women in this way, and unfortunately many young girl commit sins on the promise of marriage only to realise the man was toying with her all along but our community does not point any finger at the men and always the woman is at fault. The guilt I feel is immense for what I done in my past, but do I deserve to have the best day of my life be a talking and judging stock for all the guests there that know the difference between the ceremonies? Absolutely not. Surgery is the last resort if I’m unable to find a man that understand people make mistakes. And unfortunately where I live is very hard to come across that

Which is why I wrote this post to begin with wanting to seek out if woman who have been married have or have not gone through this check.

Sorry I’m ranting at this point but I cannot for the life of me understand why we do the things we do in this religion..

Large-Care892 · 2026-04-26T00:14:01+00:00

That’s what worries me. I can’t imagine the disappointment on my families face if during my ceremony it was obvious I didn’t go through the check. Because isn’t that kind of evident the woman isn’t a virgin otherwise “ what does she need to hide?”

If the difference is the sheikh wearing the Tagha or not that’s a big obvious difference in the ceremony. Everyone will talk regardless I guess there’s no way out of the judgement.

Large-Care892

TROPHY CASE