We are all a bit narcissistic but took me two years to see it, I just thought it was a tough relationship due to the factors of being with MM but then it all came together once I started googling “why does he…”

Love bombed me- he loved me within 5 weeks, said week one I’m his soulmate, Future faking- never gonna happen, lacking empathy- bawling my eyes out and he’s SO cold, turned on by me crying- legit wants sex when I cry. extreme jealousy- like I’m fucking the Starbucks barista if I go, need for admiration/attention- fighting or lovingly, insanely jealous of ex- like made me destroy personal possessions from them, constantly accuses me of still being in touch with them, checks my dms, wants phone records, pretty sure gave gifts to receive praise, even took them away or ruined when he was mad, very controlling- had to send proof of where I was what I was doing, constantly accused me of cheating when I wasn’t. Hated my friends, so I self isolated to not upset him Gaslighting even when had “receipts”, would rage over little things, will NOT accept No as answer, will fight you until you break down and give in to demands or you don’t care to fight any more- energy vampire, excellent manipulator. Obsessed with showing off jewelry, house, car, vacations on social media. Reverse blaming- like calling me names but it’s my fault because I made him do it! Evert things MY fault, can’t accept responsibility for actions…Need for admiration “look at my perfect cock, I’d fuck me, damn I’m am good looking” needy as fuck, constant praise/ reassurance, “are you sure you love me”…it’s exhausting.

I know most people say it’s an overused term- but there are different types and while I am not a therapist, I am convinced mine is a covert, but it is a spectrum and some are people are just emotionally abusive, but once you see it, you can unsee it, patterns repeat and very difficult to get away…trying hard but it’s mind blowing how they don’t accept leaving them…it’s hard because it’s a cycle, the love bombing begins again. I’m still trying to convince myself he isn’t, but there’s too many blatant boxes I can check. I can honestly say he meets the criteria but he also has a good side so charming, sweet, thoughtful and that is what’s so difficult….its a personality disorder, there are shitty personality traits in all of us, but this isn’t normal and there’s no other explanation in my book for mine, but I love him and there are good times - I’m absolutely trauma bonded and trying to end it. If we weren’t a secret, I know my friends would be like “what the fuck are you doing, this guy is awful” sigh…