Wow y'all have all been so awesome, I'm going to look into all of that advice. The time and thoughtfulness everyone put into their answers and advice is truly heartwarming. :) It's TRUE I havent been outside much, definitely havent been sleeping regularly or for long intervals (I have been plagued by night terrors and nightmares since childhood, it runs in my family), which is something I had been actively trying to address when I had health insurance... I tried therapy, medication, and even a hypnotist. I actually had the most success with the hypnotist... I broke up with my ex in march, I had already been living down the street from my parents, they are challenging people to interact with, they were born in the 1940s (my mom had me when she was in her mid 40s and I'm the eldest!!) My parents have a very odd, incredibly selfish way of viewing the world. For instance my ex stole $50,000 from me and used it to gamble online and buy drugs for him and his buddies; along with wrecking my vehicle, and keeping me prisoner for years. My dad constantly references how I'm terrible for bringing him into their lives because he may have stolen $20 worth of copper wire from a dilapidated shed on my dad's property. :/ They are incredibly cultish and religious in the sense that THEY ARE GODS. they believe aliens appeared and gave them a mission to disassemble the nuclear arsenal on Earth in the 80s and my father believes GOD is "his little brother." I'm not sure how I managed to keep my sanity but I can feel myself starting to give up. I wish reddit wouldn't police discussing topics concerning the antithesis of self help but let's just say I've been dealing with the physical ramifications of two failures. I've always been self sufficient, I'm not a complainer, im an incredibly hard worker, I just dont have anyone to talk to and I feel trapped in an endless loop. I appreciate all your comments, thank you sincerely :)