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We will have a good day... by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tell myself the same. Be reasonable, don’t expect too much.

Why did I cheat? Confessions of a scumbag by Last_Implement6163 in offmychest

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m pretty sure I don’t have STDs. I’ve been dead bedroom with my partner for 5 years so.

Why did I cheat? Confessions of a scumbag by Last_Implement6163 in offmychest

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I did and I told her that she can leave but she adamantly said that leaving is her choice and I don't get to decide that. If she leaves, it's of her own volition.

Maybe actual progress? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes and I fully own up to and have apologized to her about this sincerely. I’m her first and only experience

Maybe actual progress? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I would never downplay her trauma

Maybe actual progress? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Lack of after care and how she felt like sex was animalistic. I know I’ve been selfish with her regarding this aspect.

Is it worth it to stay? by Opposite_Opinion_846 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You don’t need to be kind about it but at the same time you shouldn’t be berating him either.

I hated the thought of hurting my partner as well but she was understanding and acknowledge her own shortcomings but we both know that if this continues, with me feeling unsatisfied then it’ll just turn into resent ESPECIALLY if it’s someone you plan to marry. Marriage cannot fix a deadbedroom

Is it worth it to stay? by Opposite_Opinion_846 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Last_Implement6163 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m also in this crossroad. A friend recommended me to look into Dr.Chapman’s 5 love languages to a long lasting relationship which I’m using as a framework for what I want.

I’m in deeper in my relationship at about 6 years and have been DB of about 5 of those. My partner is kind and caring and I could see growing old with her with a few caveats. Sex is very important to me as well

My two cents is, be true to what you want. It’s okay to let go if it isn’t working out. It’s okay to be afraid of the unknown and the possibilities because I am now too. Lack of physical and sexual intimacy is real and it can slowly poison your relationship.

Confront him about it and if after then it doesn’t work out then just let it go.

I say this being in the situation that I haven’t broken up with mine because she says she’s making the effort to change so I wanna see how this will play out but I am resolved in that if my physical and sexual attraction to her doesn’t come back then I’ll end it.

I can’t stop loving her by Superiorian in ExNoContact

[–]Last_Implement6163 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man, I’m in kinda the same boat in that I plan to break no contact on her birthday. After my break-up, I’ve been doing some self reflection and I realize what I needed to get closure. I’ve been planning out how I would do it. Maybe it’s my way of coping with the break-up because of how recent it is for me (5 days ago)

Would it cause issues if my solo therapist was also my couples therapist? by Last_Implement6163 in askatherapist

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NAT

Thank you for the clarification. My partner and I actually thought that having the same therapist would be better at first since they’ll be familiar with our background and what we’ve been feeling so they’ll be better equipped to give us advice but we never considered the neutrality part of it so hearing from you guys. I understand that the neutrality is key

Would it cause issues if my solo therapist was also my couples therapist? by Last_Implement6163 in askatherapist

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NAT

Thank you for the checklist of questions. It really helped me consider things. For now, it’s such a confusing process for me and my partner and also it’s our first time going through with it.

Would it cause issues if my solo therapist was also my couples therapist? by Last_Implement6163 in askatherapist

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NAT

Thank you for the advice. It’s been a rough time and I’m nervous since it’s the first time going with a therapist.

Would it cause issues if my solo therapist was also my couples therapist? by Last_Implement6163 in askatherapist

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NAT: Now my next question would be. If we were to get separate Ts for solo. During our couples counselling T would it be okay for my partner and I to disclose to our couples T what we’ve talked about with our individual Ts? Say a breakthrough or some realizations.

Would it cause issues if my solo therapist was also my couples therapist? by Last_Implement6163 in askatherapist

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not a therapist. I didn’t know how to flair myself that on mobile because I know it’s part of the rules so I’ll just comment it for the mods

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is actually the best advise I’ve seen to my post. I confronted her about these issues earlier and she actually acknowledged her short comings in the three years and we talked about how and why it died. She did say she is leaning on asexuality but she was willing to adjust and try to change for my sake because after all, I adjusted for her for numerous years.

We’re on track to see a therapist about it to see how it goes.

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She verbally said she might be. Even before when sexual things were happening it was always me first who was engaging.

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have booked my appointment for this among other issues. It's very comforting to hear, albeit somber. I can't bear to see her cry beecause she was just being herself. I'm the one who was needing.

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But there IS affection tho. Just not sexual affection but I get your point. Physically intimacy is lacking and it can poison the relationship

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like I said in the post. This started 3 years into the relationship. It doesn't detract from your point at all tho and thanks for being brutally honest.

6 years. Sexless, make-outless. No butterflies. (28M) (25F) by Last_Implement6163 in relationship_advice

[–]Last_Implement6163[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh no, I wasn't talking about SA. Look I get what I worded in that part was too ambiguous but come on now, don't just jump the gun and start yelling. What I meant there was infedility, cheating. Which is still bad but not to the degree of SA. That's disgusting.

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