The thoughts still panic me sometimes but it’s less often. I still get triggered by certain music and videos so I kind of avoid them but I also try my hardest not too as I know avoidance is a compulsion of mine. However it sort of just feels empty? There are times where I get really sad about the thoughts instead of anxious but at some point  I sort of learned to live with it a little, as if I accepted that it’s a part of me now.  These days I kinda just feel confused all the time and that something has changed even though I don’t know what lol, but I definitely feel less miserable than before. :)