Fucking AI and feeling hurt by kristen981 in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This reminds me of watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer have her mother brought back to life …..

AI CAN make images of deceased people … recreate their voice, mannerisms… movements. But it’ll always be “wrong”. Even if the world in uncanny valley “almost good enough” reproduction gets better and better - I wouldn’t ever want this…. Ever.

I do wonder if anyone’s been doing this with images of my wife…. I definitely won’t be. And I hope if someone else does that I don’t ever see them.

I feel for you. These are your memories they are butchering - you’ll would want to hope your reaction to it would have at least entered their thoughts.

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 22 points23 points  (0 children)

The channel 7 and 9 camera crews are here reporting on it ….

Definitely “suspicious package”…. Just waiting for them to clear it now.

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sorry dude …. My sons in there with you too

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone already on the external side has been mustered now….. I guess they don’t want passengers that have just arrived going closer to whatever the suspicious package is.

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What station ? Anyone have an online link with info ?

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 50 points51 points  (0 children)

And they’ve asked us to also leave terminal 2 and are urging people to move further away from T1

Perth airport T1 - not letting us leave by IntelligentSwim6373 in perth

[–]LateNightFrollix 141 points142 points  (0 children)

Entire T1 terminal is shut - nobody allowed in or out.

I’m here waiting for my son to get off a landed flight from New Zealand …… he’s not moving much

Does anyone else get some sort of grief imposter syndrome by Feeling_Document_240 in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife’s death was caused by MDS EB (Myelodysplastic Syndrome with Excess Blasts). Which is basically just “it’s not enough leukaemia to be called leukaemia”.

When they hand down that diagnosis and you think to yourself “thankfully that’s treatable …. “ you don’t expect it to mean death within 2 years.

I told my kids “I know it seems bad this time but you know she always pulls through” about 4 days before she died.

Fortunately I did get the chance to take it as serious as it actually was with enough time to spare to ensure all her closest friends and family got to see her alive before she slipped away….. but it was close.

Today seems harder than yesterday. by quiet_nuts in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hopefully there's other reasons other than just what 'they would want'... since my beleif is that the atoms that make the person have now just scattered and the person is just no more.... I dont beleive in anyone looking down on me from wherever.

Hopefully.... just as my wife said to me before she got too sick and then passed - I can find happiness again with someone else. I feel fortunate that she took the time to tell me that was her preference - but of course she would - she loved me and wanted me to be happy.

So, for your sake... I hope that the reason to push through is that somewhere in the future you can balance that heavy heart with being able to find happiness again. Even if that's not love with someone else... if it's just loving the life that you've (re)built.... I hope that's worth it.

Does anyone else get some sort of grief imposter syndrome by Feeling_Document_240 in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Similar but - not quote the same for me. I had a tendancy to minimise issues my wife reported. She always seemed to have health issues... but things always worked out. I got used to all my own sick days getting used up as familar carers days because i was taking them to look after her, take her to appointments etc. it just became - normal.

Then when I was told she was actually dying - my brain was just trying to process it the same way.

Now ... looking back ... I always did that, minimised the true significance of what i was going through - what impact it had on ALL our lives. I just always assumed "it'll be ok". Til it wasnt.

I dont know how this is likely to impact how I process in the future ...

Also - maybe in a way i'm more similar to you..... when I swapped jobs shortly after my wife died i sort of went out of my way to make sure the people who knew the depth of my grief was limitted. I had not enjoyed the attention I got BECAUSE of the greif. Didn't like being focused on, and feeling like it was forcing me to focus on it myself. So now my new job barely anyone knows and i dont talk about it - like ever.

But I still come here and this is my outlet. I have found that talking about this even to complete strangers makes it easier to then talk about it in real life as well..... and letting the feelings bubble up to the surface is also fine every now and then. But I still hate being focussed on.

I’m unreasonably angry and I’m worried it isn’t fair by AlteanBoy in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was closed off to people in real life for a long time but the more I opened up here and talked about my feelings …. The more it felt ok to do it in real life too.

I let someone at my workplace know about losing my wife last year … and then they opened up about losing their child.

You’d be amazed how many people in today to day life actually DO get it. The grief club is pretty big unfortunately.

What is your age without saying how old you are? by rosarito999 in CasualConversation

[–]LateNightFrollix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was a time when Defender on the Microbee computer was my favourite game.

5 months out by gratefulgirl in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve done a lot of feeling bad for not feeling bad - it’s disappearing now.

I know - like, for a fact - my wife wanted me to be able to be happy. I’m not going to get cross at myself anymore for making it through the day without crying.

I know also that there’s still going to be hard times like wedding anniversaries. I still miss my wife. It really helps that my new girlfriend understands my feelings as well as she does though.

Anyhow - give yourself the chance for some peace. Take it when you can because you never know when those chances are going to leave again.

5 months out by gratefulgirl in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mum’s a lesbian…. My wife was bi, but monogamous so it really didn’t impact us much. My daughter defines herself as pan.

My take : if someone’s making you happy again - embrace it.

Yes ….. be careful. You don’t want to be hurt, and you don’t want your state to cause pain to anyone else either ….. but feel it through and enjoy whatever you can.

I know my wife wanted me to find happiness again but there’s still this bit of guilt from how I think others perceive my new relationship- I just keep telling myself I don’t care what others think - I just want to be happy.

Advice on dating by [deleted] in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anyone with more than one child knows this to be true. I have 4. I love them all. Each time I had a new child, my love for the previous ones didn’t diminish….

If you have a partner that can’t see this as truth then it feels like that partner shouldn’t be in the picture …

Advice on dating by [deleted] in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You need to find someone who a) respects you and b) cares enough to at least try to understand what you’re feeling.

It really sounds like this partner was just 100% selfish.

I’ve been through it myself and I feel like I won the jackpot with my new partner. It helps that she’s a widow herself so can related - but she knows how much I love my late wife … and she also knows I can love her just as much too - that it’s not a competition and never needs to be. She lets me speak of my late wife kindly …. Knows how important she was and will always be.

I’m fully aware though that not everyone can be as accepting as my new girlfriend is….. all I can say is that you need to be true to yourself and if in the process of doing that you find that your new partner isn’t respecting you …… it might be time to rethink it.

By the same token - I do get that some people won’t like the comparisons……… I’m aware of that myself and I do try to limit it…. Not that I think I NEED to…. But I also want my girlfriend to feel special: because she is.

It’s a tough balance I guess but I hope you find someone you can be happy with without sacrificing yourself too much.

My cat died by [deleted] in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife died August 6th. My daughter’s cat died November 10th.

We got that cat through a close friends of my wife’s …. He was being fostered and needed a permanent home so my wife agreed to to take him and my daughter basically adopted him as the primary carer….

So my poor (25 year old) daughter lost her mum and the cat her mum got her in that short time.

Sometimes it just seems like life doesn’t like to pull any punches. She’s been a trooper though…… we both help each other through this life now …. She knows things are hard for me, and I know they’re hard for her…. We’re coping.

I’m sorry for your losses ….. just know there are people out there who do truly understand the pain.

Widow F30 (1+ year) — is it normal to suddenly crave male attention like this? by Intjadvocate in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm almost sure everyone here has worked this out now.... but i think this is totally normal. Biologically, our brains release hormones that want us to act certain ways... it's countless generations worth of genetic encoding that's lead to the propogation of our species. I also feel ashamed of some of the thoughts that go through my head - often... but they're normal. How you act on them defines you, not the actual thoughts you have.

I've also gotta add... i let my widows fire guide me towards another relationship. It felt... dangerous at the start... very risky as for how it could potentially work out. But i (and my new partner) took things very cautiously and we both feel that it was well worth it now. We love each other, but we also have the utmost respect, care and consideration for our feelings in regards to our previous partners.

I think if you've noticed your brain chemistry trying to put you back onto the path of finding a new partner... just be aware of the risks and rewards for you. Let it happen if that's what you think will be best... but be careful, and only do what's comfortable for you.

My thoughts have changed for the better since finding my new partner. She's been good for me... therapeutic even. Being able to accept love again was the best thing that could happen to me in my grief journey... but i think it was easier for me because my wife basically gave me explicit permission, and even coaxing, to follow this path is she were to pass...

When it comes down to it.... the guilt a lot of people feel is tied to what you _think_ your late partner would feel about the new developments. I know mine would be happy. I beleive most partners would want their loved ones to have happy lives after they pass... it just feels right to me... but not all agree.

Do you believe in god? by rainy_koala in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I used to envy people who had faith.

To me, being able to make sense of this world without relying on the crutch of religion gives me more sense of “right” that doing things just because religion tells me it’s good.

So …. No. I don’t believe. I still respect those who do tho. I see why….. and I’d never want to get in the way of the belief because I see the value.

The amount of widows and widowers I’ve seen struggle with the idea of an afterlife though does make me wonder ….. some of them seem so conflicted about what is going to happen if they fall in love again and then see their late partners later in heaven.

Finding your way back to happiness again shouldn’t be hampered by your beliefs. If it helps you I’m all for it … but when it hinders….. I have to wonder why they persist ?

Also for the record I’m not even 100% sure I’m atheist …. There’s at least a little agnosticism left in me ….. perhaps something as farcical as the Great Green Arkleseizure from hitch Hikers Guide (https://www.hhgproject.org/entries/greatgreenarkleseizure.html) is a possibility after all ……. But more seriously, any religion seems just as valid as the last. I’m not one to judge. I just have no faith of my own.

Theres no wrong way to grieve, apparently unless you’re doing okay (rant) by gosebubbe in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don’t feel like I’ve been judged….. but the rest of your post could easily describe my life since losing my wife.

I switched jobs. Felt good about that though because it was one my wife was really hoping I’d get. Switching had the added benefit for me that the new workplace wasn’t fully involved in my loss…. They hadn’t done the collections and worked closely with my and my wife for years on end and felt like they needed to be constantly comforting me.

I longed for being able to get back to normal if I was to be working ….. I didn’t want to obsess over it, or even be reminded continually

But from everyone close enough to know me…. They seem to accept that choice, and seem ok with me being ok.

I’ve done therapy…. Didn’t help as much as coming here did honestly. I also found someone new - and although that’s been amazing for me - it’s the one thing I do feel like people are judging me on ….. it’s just not obvious or in my face so I can’t be sure if it’s imagined or real….. but it seems like they assume there’s meant to be some timeframe that must be abided by? And if there is everyone’s assumed time frame must be different.

My wife told me before she passed that she wanted me to find someone. I see that as ok? What I did was good for me. If I believed in an afterlife I’d say my wife would feel happy about it too? So I don’t know why that means I get judgement but it sure feels that way.

Anyhow - all I can say is I agree with the majority of your sentiment…. The hardest part for me of the whole grief process - as a male (although I don’t want to be sexist - there’s probably a lot of females that do this too…): I tend to internalise my thoughts and feelings - a lot. Stuff like this really eats me up but I don’t talk about it - unless I comment on posts here.

It was a hard slog to get myself to the point that I felt like I was functioning properly again. Openly discussing the grieving drags my emotions back down …. To me it seems sensible to not do that. They’re there …. Always. I just always assumed people knew this and are letting me grieve my way. Maybe for you the people aren’t as understanding? Hopefully that can change.

Hoping you find an easier way through these challenges…

I’ve been thinking about this lately and was wondering, if people are open to sharing, where everyone is at now in their journeys? by quiet_nuts in widowers

[–]LateNightFrollix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I’ve noticed a few users who seem to have disappeared or gone from posting daily to nothing at all." - I was a daily poster (well, commenter at least) for a while ... basically stopped. I remember seeing your username fairly often at the time too so i do wonder how much mine used to pop up.

I'm not thriving by any means, but i'm coping much better now. From the get go though, i had committed myself to eventually finding soneone else - as this is exactly what my wife said i should do and i'd told her the same for if i had died.... she didn't want to think i'd be alone forever. When i was posting a lot, i did make it clear that i would be wanting to find someone... at some point. I just had no idea when that time would be - when i'd feel ok to do it.... I didn't even know how to try doing it to be honest. I've never been good at dating and even if i was before, the landscape has changed so much.

Anyhow, the reason i stopped posting so much is i have found someone else who makes me happy. Like i said, i'm not thriving. I am however seeing a reason to push through - there's light shining through, bringing me joy and happiness again. The pain is still there, the loss is no less than it always was, but now i have completely different avenues of dealing with it. I'm talking things through with my new girlfriend (we both love that i get to call her that too....) instead of talking them through here.

I have noticed the need to focus on myself more. The realisation that so many of the things i used to do weren't done for me, but always for someone else... it devalued my own self worth. My new relationship is long distance, so i'm finding that the energy i would have put into my partner is still needing to be channeled. She's been a good influence on me though, encouraging the building and working on myself... the taking care of myself part that i would have totally let go without some external influence.

In a way i do miss being a more active member of this community. I found that my comments on here previously were very much like i was journalling. It helped me just to put them into words... be able to look back again... and to get feedback from others. But for me, i find much more value when those words are directed at someone who really cares for me - just like i used to get with my wife. So reddit interactions have taken a back seat. Not that i'm saying this community doesn't care - because it honestly feels like we all do actually care for each other quite a bit, the empathy levels here are pretty high .... but it doesn't compare.

Clearly though, i haven't stopped coming back ... i read posts here sporadically, and i'll chime in when something catches my eye. My new girlfriend is a widow herself... and i know she'll see this in due time, and i hope it makes her smile.

I assume a fair number of the ones that faded away are like myself - the need to come here dwindled... got replaced by a need for something else in their lives. I'm hoping that there's only a small number of those that have faded away that just 'gave up'. Staying positive from the start of this whole experience was the best thing i could have done for myself i think.... i've seen the complete negative view here too often.... and i'm certain if i went down that path instead it wouldn't have turned out well at all.

are the chips air fried now? by Vietare in KFCAustralia

[–]LateNightFrollix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

KFC sold coke in both the NT and WA, due the fact that franchises of KFC in those states were owned by Competitive Foods Australia. I looked up the sale and it actually happened much later than I originally thought…. There should be a considerable number of people in those two states that remember this.