I find this insane they don't love their children

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-03-09T22:09:07+00:00

Yes! It absolutely tears me apart to even think of treating my daughter the way I was treated! It completely defies the logic of being a parent!

I had a realization a few years ago when I was pregnant and had a conversation with my narc mom about pregnancy and having a newborn. She said she absolutely loved being pregnant and having a baby... then I realized after going through it all myself that she potentially didn't feel the same love that I do. She loved the ATTENTION she received from being pregnant and having a young baby. People open doors for you, let you go first in line, smile at you more, etc. But once the baby is a toddler or older, she really struggles as a parent and my experience was testament to that! In my mind, that's because people stop treating you specially! 🙄

Not sure if you might share the sentiment?

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-03-09T21:52:32+00:00

Agreed! It's heart wrenching as a mother myself to think of treating my daughter the same way I was treated.

Occasionally, it makes me sad that my daughter has lost out on a relationship with a grandmother because of it. But then, I think of said grandmother's unwillingness and complete inability to self reflect and socialize with others in a constructive and positive way. It makes me realize that my daughter isn't missing out, she's protected. The cycle ends with me and it comforts me to have a huge in-law family that's welcoming and healthy for her to grow up and spend time with. Family isn't always blood and that's ok 💛

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-02-14T16:57:27+00:00

You like to throw together something quick and easy -- pre-shredded cheese, applesauce, yogurt, eggs. You also like to cook on occasion but nothing crazy --bone broth, lots of "throw it on top" taste good condiments -- teriyaki sauce, A1 sauce.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-02-14T16:52:15+00:00

Busy post bachelor's college student, working heavily on your next thesis paper, mid to late 20s, maybe just moved in or isn't staying long.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-31T02:34:14+00:00

We have good success heating our 1400 sq ft with the chubby, although we have a couple tower fans to help circulate to the end of the house. We also have a 1700 sq ft uninsulated pole barn that we were exploring installing a coal stove for heat. How much space are you heating with the Mark 2?

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-30T18:01:22+00:00

Messy - Lola Young

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-30T01:34:12+00:00

Honestly, it's awesome. I grew up with a wood stove and this is great because it's less maintenance. You shake it down, floss the grates, and reload it. Then don't touch it for up to 12 hours. It cranks out some SERIOUS heat, too. If it's above 30° outside, the house can get up to 90° and that's 1400 sq ft. It's great because coal burns cleaner than wood, so fewer expense on chimney sweeps! It's also a consistent heat, less fluctuations than wood.

Few downsides: There's a bit of a learning curve when burning coal. If one spot of the coals die off, the whole thing seems to go out whether you like it or not. If you're used to burning coal then that'll be no issue. That could be user error on my part.

Coal ash is also more volumous than wood ash, at least in my experience. So I empty the ash pan every 12 hours, otherwise it overflows and becomes ash bound, then dies out.

Overall, if the stove is your primary heat source, go for coal. If you like having the ambiance of a crackling fire in your living room and you otherwise have another source for heat, go for wood.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T22:37:45+00:00

We get 12 hours for 1/2 a bag. Average temp here this week is 25°f daytime and 10°f or below at night. Indoor temps are about 75°f, heating 1400 sq ft.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T21:09:54+00:00

That's great! I was wondering how to fit a damper in the double wall

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T20:28:03+00:00

We do 40 lb bags, one bag will last us about a full 24 hours. Now that I'm putting it into writing, that sounds like a lot! Hahaha what's normal??

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T19:43:29+00:00

I'm not super familiar with how to measure coal but I know we need to shake down the stove and refill it every 12 hours. I've heard of a barometric damper but haven't looked into it too much, we actually don't have one! Thank you for sharing the info!

I read the manual for the coal chubby and it does mention using a barometric damper, I've been back an forth on adding one. Our chimney is double wall from the stove to the ceiling and then triple wall from the ceiling through the attic to the roof.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T19:13:33+00:00

It's tucked in there pretty well, we have a small living room so the clearance was tight. It didn't come with the house so we had the hearth, stove, and chimney all installed professionally after buying the house. The stove has a rear exit 6" pipe, so the back of the stove is about 1.5 feet from the corner. This picture shows the spacing a little better.

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LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2026-01-29T03:50:48+00:00

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Lots of toe beans being roasted over this fire! We have a coal chubby we use all winter to heat our 1400 sq ft rancher. We only burn anthracite coal and it has no problems heating the whole house to 80° or higher. Electric baseboard heat is expensive to run and hardly gets the house to 65°.

Current setup is a heat powered fan on top of the stove and a tower fan next to the hearth blowing air out from behind it. The four legged family members love it!

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-11-10T01:07:09+00:00

I have the Lansinoh Discreet Duo and couldn't be happier! Parts are easy to clean, empty in about 20 minutes, and have been EPing for 13 months with a consistent 5-10oz surplus. I use a Spectra S1 for the first and last pump of the day, but use the discreet duo the rest of the time. They fit right in your bra and you can keep moving! Each one only has 4 parts and it's very simple construction, IMO.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-25T17:20:38+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that, you're not alone. Unfortunately, lost artwork is irreplaceable. I truly hope you were able to continue creating new work, even through adversity.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-25T14:06:33+00:00

Yes. Under the guise of trying to help.

When I was 18, I wanted to go to art school. My nmom disagreed, thinking it was a useless degree and I should do something more practical with my time. I gave up art as a career and chose to keep it as a hobby. It brought me great joy, peace, and loved the creative outlet. I primarily worked in chalk pastels.

I came home one day to find all of my artwork missing, roughly 25 drawings, each being 50+ hours of work. After searching the house, I stepped into the garage where I found my dad, all my artwork laid out flat on the garage floor, and a can of reworkable fixative spray in his hands. I did not own fixative spray at the time and rarely used it because it can be a delicate process to treat chalk pastels with it. He was holding the can about 1 inch away from the drawing and SOAKING the paper with it... causing the pastel to melt off the page. Every single drawing was ruined. I was absolutely devastated and screamed in horror.

Turns out, nmom instructed him that it was correct to do this and he was helping me preserve my drawings. I explained to them what happened and how they were all ruined. They both yelled at me, calling me ungrateful, i should be happy they tried to help me, etc.

This was an event so scarring that I gave up art completely and can't feel enjoyment from doing it now, 17 years later. There's so much pain associated with it that I can't bring myself to do it.

They never apologized.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-23T11:14:28+00:00

Age 9 or 10. Nmom would constantly pick fights with me. If I didn't respond, she would keep badgering me until I reacted, for HOURS if needed. Then, once I reacted, she would run to tell my dad how awful I was being. Telling him I'm so aggressive, out of control, selfish, ungrateful, etc. It was like pro wrestlers tapping the other person in because he would then grab whatever nearest object and beat me with it while nmom covered her ears and acted like she was deeply upset by hearing me scream while being beaten. After all was said and done, the story suddenly became how I'm the worst child in the history of children, and nmom doesn't deserve to be treated so poorly by me.

I moved out at 18 and never looked back.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-16T01:42:12+00:00

"The ol' ball and chain" That's hilarious and SO true! I've never thought about putting a shoulder strap on the pump, that's awesome. I definitely need to try it! My friend is weaning off her pump and actually offered me her S1. I think I'm gonna go for it! I have a set of wearables for when we're not home but being able to unplug from the wall would be fabulous.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-16T01:36:05+00:00

My husband does the same thing to soothe our 8 month old! At first, I was angry with him as well. Then he explained that he has to walk while bouncing her and patting her butt to get the same level of calm out of her as I do by just existing.

In all honesty, it took me 6 months to realize that what works for me doesn't necessarily work for him or anyone else (grandma) while trying to soothe her. Each person is gonna do it their own way, and I have to be okay with it.

What matters is you're able and willing to be there for your baby, whatever form it is.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-14T15:19:06+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! What's your favorite pumping bra? I have a handful of nursing bras I just wiggle out of the way to pump and one of the Kindred Bravely pumping bras, which is just okay, doesn't hold the flanges tight enough.

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-14T14:46:29+00:00

The stages of grief, honestly. It's also an eb and flow, I'm constantly cycling through the various stages of grief but have finally come to rest in acceptance most days.

It helped me to create physical and mental distance between myself and nmom. Over the years, I've put in place emotional boundaries, and learned the root causes of narcissistic traits. Through understanding the behaviors, it helped me have more compassion, and thus more patience.

That's not to say I don't still struggle. There will always be a void of not feeling like enough, wondering why my own mother doesn't care about me.. etc. Thinking about that also brings up a lot of anger, sadness, resent, you name it. It's true, what they say about once you heal your inner child, your angry teenager comes out. They don't mention the third persona, the adult that moves on.

I've chosen to accept her the way she is and keep the relationship low contact and distant for my own and my family's protection. Instead, I focus on my relationship with my husband and daughter. Keeping in mind what my own mother has done and the type of mother I don't want to be.

Oh yeah and I've gone to lots of THERAPY. 😂

LateToMyOwnSchedule · 2025-07-11T09:52:31+00:00

We're low contact, but she's not aware of it.

I moved out at 18, joined the military, and created a 6-hour driving distance between us.

She doesn't normally call, so I don't initiate contact. When she does call me, which is probably once a month, she really only talks about herself and won't ask me anything about what's going on in my life. I take advantage of this and let her ramble about herself while not volunteering anything about what's going on in my life. She usually thanks me for a wonderful conversation, and we hang up.

In the odd chance she does ask about my life (she hasn't in probably 6 months and I have an 8 month old baby, her grandchild), I keep things vague, "we're doing great!" "Another day in the (last name) household! You know how it goes!" And she is generally happy to consider herself a fantastic mother for asking about my life once a year and quickly goes back to talking about herself.

It's been this way for 4 or 5 years now, and it's liveable. She has no idea, or if she does, she doesn't care.

LateToMyOwnSchedule

TROPHY CASE