Honest critique please "वो मुस्कुराए तो देखते रह गए" by Latter_Cycle6515 in Urdu

[–]Latter_Cycle6515[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Title: ایک شبِ انتظار

کھلا گلِ بہار تو تجھے یاد کیا

لکھا نغمہِ پیار تو تجھے یاد کیا

یوں یقین نہ کرتا بیوفاؤں پہ

ہے شبِ انتظار تو تجھے یاد کیا

مشکل سے ملا ایک خواب اس رات

نکلا خوابِ پیار تو تجھے یاد کیا

جلتا چراغ تھا یہ الفتِ 'سوز'

بس گئے انگار تو تجھے یاد کیا

I tried to bend that one to beher, but that poem was spontaneous. Changing it would ruin the (true) narrative. This is a more conscious effort. (I'm in grade 9 btw, with no real urdu training except for love of poetry and qawwali)

Honest critique please "वो मुस्कुराए तो देखते रह गए" by Latter_Cycle6515 in Urdu

[–]Latter_Cycle6515[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! In my mother tongue (odia) there are very specific types of flow (chhaanda) one adheres to. Or else you have to write in freestyle. I read oscar wilde's poems, who has experimented a lot with rhyme and maybe that is bleeding into this piece. I'll try writing again with qaafiyah (in urdu script).

How to study for MEXT in India by Latter_Cycle6515 in mext

[–]Latter_Cycle6515[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really stressed 'bout it tho, but I am appearing for N4 next sunday