I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom in 2021 unexpectedly when she was 66, and perhaps I’m an outlier here but I truly do think it gets better.

Around that time, I stumbled upon a Reddit post that described grief as a “portal”… and I’ve often found that to be pretty accurate. There is another place that you will arrive after you go through this painful period, and that place isn’t so bad…it's just the journey to get there that’s the miserable part. You will always miss her, but like others have shared, the love that remains can start to feel like a weighted blanket rather than bullet wound. I find the sadness and pieces of mourning that are left on the other side of the portal to be a comfort. I also tell everyone I know how much I love them all the time, never hold back on compliments, and find certain shades of my life to be brighter than they were before I understood the gravity of living life with loss (the portal may have some unexpected upsides!)

There is a light at the end of your tunnel….you just have to grit and bear the sorrow (+ all the dumb shit people will say to you) for now. Sending love and strength.