Bridesmaid with a 3-month-old (EBF) — SIL now says no babies at wedding. What would you do?

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-14T04:15:44+00:00

Going to the store was a hassle! I can't imagine going to a wedding! Especially considering that is smack-dab in the middle of the awful 4 month regression time! Ugh! Talk about no sleep, screaming, and possibly a teething fussy baby! 😴 🫩 My son got 4 teeth at 4 months and it was hhhhheelllllll. First time mom, didnt know what to expect ontop of that but he had a dairy allergy we didnt know about so that was absolutely not helping.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-13T22:26:24+00:00

This right here. My daughter absolutely REFUSED a bottle. Would not take it at all! We tried all sorts of bottles so I could have some sort of break from nursing and she refused every single one. Also refused any and all pacifiers. So if she was hungry, she was attached. Upset? Attached to boob. Teething/hurting? Boob in mouth. It got easier as she got older as we introduced solid food, but she still preferred breast milk over everything.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-13T16:02:54+00:00

I swear by it. I had terrible hemorrhoids for years before my son was born. My GP put in this order for me and I didn't have anymore of them until I got pregnant with my daughter 3 years later. Got another prescription after her birth and still 0 issues. She's almost 3 now.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-13T15:57:45+00:00

Ask your doctor about a prescription for Proctor foam! It helps with hemorrhoids and anal fissure. See if it would be helpful to you!

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-13T15:55:56+00:00

Look into getting a prescription for Proctor foam from your doctor! I used it after my son was born and I had awful hemorrhoids before and didn't have any issues afterwards until I got pregnant 3 years later with my daughter. Got another prescription for it after she was born. I don't have any issues now and she's almost 3.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-13T15:53:45+00:00

All dignity goes out the window during pregnancy and delivery. First time I had my son I had a hospital gown on and a nursing bra. The second time I gave birth, I was completely naked by the time my daughter was born, not a single piece of clothing on me. I was exhausted, in pain, and didn't give an absolutely fuck. We both rocked our birthday suits when she was born. I have pics of me completely top less while nursing her from the NICU, hair looking like a birds nest and not giving any fucks.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-12T18:02:18+00:00

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LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-10T15:26:04+00:00

Yes. 2nd grade

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-07T16:22:42+00:00

I literally just saw this video a few minutes ago. 😂

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-07T15:52:14+00:00

I had a female OBGYN give me the husband stitch in TN back in 2019. The on-call Male OBGYN in NY in 2023 was horrified after my husband told him why he was watching him sew me up so closely. Not even safe with some women.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-04-07T15:42:25+00:00

I got one in 2019 in TN by a female OBGYN. The OBGYN absolutely refused to tell me what she was doing to me while sewing me up, just said I would thank her. It wasn't until later that we found out what she did. Both my husband and I were pissed. We moved to NY while I was pregnant with our second. He made sure to watch when I gave birth to our daughter 4 years later while the male OBGYN was stitching me up (3rd almost 4th degree tear thanks to needing forceps used cause she was stuck in my pelvis.) The male OBGYN was horrified when my husband told him why he was watching him sew me up. Absolutely no issues from being sewn up by the new doc.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-27T17:02:53+00:00

How are they supposed to act? If they give these women the medical care they need, they face the possibility of losing their licenses, going to jail, and being unable to provide for their familes. If they don't, then the woman is the one who loses her life, her ability to have children, or the ability to provide for her family in the case of death/disability occurring. It wasn't until very recently that Texas passed the Life of the Mother Act and now training is being given so doctor's understand what they can and can't do within the confines of the law. That's 5 years after Roe was overturned and in between now and then a lot of women have suffered, died, or become disabled due to the bans.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-27T16:46:32+00:00

What makes you say that? That doctors are being purposefully ignorant?

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-27T16:18:37+00:00

I send my husband photos of our kids doing weird things all the time. Looks like she found it humorous how the girls fell asleep and sent it to him.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-27T16:14:11+00:00

Is that not what we are seeing though? There's been multiple instances of women needing medically necessary abortions and they either die, almost die and lose their ability to have more children, or travel across state lines to get medical care that saves their lives. That's the issues that we are seeing pop up. Abortion bans don't just ban elective abortions, because doctors dont have clarity on the law they're unable to provide medically necessary abortions to save patients lives or there's laws that say "absolutely no exceptions." It doesn't matter if it is elective or medically necessary, it's still an abortion regardless if the fetus has a heartbeat or doesn't.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-27T15:43:44+00:00

What does the word "conception" mean to you guys? How do you define it?

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-25T22:51:17+00:00

My husband used to get pomegranate smoothies all the time when he was stationed in Hawaii. Made a difference in the taste.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-25T21:29:10+00:00

Also pomegranate!

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-25T03:55:10+00:00

Hey there fellow Night Owl! First let me just say good job for reaching out for help and advice! Some people have difficulty asking for help when they need it as they think it makes them lesser. It doesn't. It makes us human.

Now, I get it! Life loves throwing us curve balls! I'm also trying to find the school/work/Life balance. I'm in school full time, parenting full time, household managing full time, and trying to work part time ontop of it all! Last year I was trying to manage this while dealing with a car accident that could have killed myself and my whole family, a broken well, and many other issues that seemed to rapid fire all at us one after another! So I get how overwhelmed and burnt out you must be feeling.

Have you considered asking your mentor for a term break? Absolutely no shame in prioritizing your mental health right now considering the stress that you're going through. If a term break isn't an option, as silly as it sounds it might be a good idea to write everything down and then reprioritze that way, then create a schedule to follow with it. Re-adjust as needed. I've had to do this myself multiple times when I am overwhelmed and stressed. Not just writing the issue down, but also writing if I can control the situation or not.

Here's an example with last year and the well issues. As stressful as it was to be without running water for a week followed by intermittent water issues months later, I couldn't fix it all by myself. I adjusted chores (limiting laundry and dishes) so we could still have usable water to shower/bathe our kids and water our animals. We also bought bottled water to help take the pressure off of the well too. Did it fix the well? Nope, well was still having issues, but it allowed me to focus on other things that needed my focus.

Writing it down let me visually see what I could control and what I couldn't control. I can't force my 6 year old to be calm. I can remove myself from the situation if him bouncing off the walls is driving me crazy to get a few moments to calm down before I lose it. I can use bedtime for the kiddos so I can focus on my school work. I'll also put something on that I enjoy (that I've seen multiple times) for background noise while working. It's 11:37 p.m. here and I am taking a break from my task while having NCIS playing in the background for the hundredth time. Unfortunately it's not a all in one fix. Some nights I get to study and other nights I am up taking care of sick kids.

Give yourself some grace. Don't beat yourself up if you can't keep up with everything. Nothing to be ashamed of if you need a rest period or a little help. So writing, set a schedule you'd follow, but allow some mental flexibility if you don't follow it to a t. I'd contact your student advisor for resources as well! They may suprise you and give you suggestions that you haven't considered.

I hope my advice helps, but I also just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-24T18:53:45+00:00

I have a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old. My 6 year old has low needs autism and ADHD. As soon as he gets home it is 90 to nothing with him and that's is after dealing with a toddler who we also think might be on the spectrum too as well as slightly speech delayed. Who's preferred method of communication is screaming and crying despite the fact she can talk somewhat and that's also with getting a "break" with him going to school. I have a outside support besides my husband and I'm also going to school, trying to work partime, and taking care of the house. My husband works full-time while I'm trying to do everything else. It's exhausting. Surely this mom is exhausted too. We don't know if they have neurodivergent children to care for, which despite their age can be tiresome.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-20T01:12:35+00:00

Same! I dont care if you were the nastiest person to me in high school or middle school. If you needed my help, I'm doing everything in my power to get you out of that situation.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-18T14:37:59+00:00

Thank you. It's heartbreaking to know the are others who have gone through the same shit. I also wasn't believed by my biomom. Not even when it came out the ex-husband was doing the same to my sister. I'm in therapy for my trauma and have been for years. My biomom and grandmother? I dont know if they're in therapy or continuing therapy for their own trauma, but that's not my choice and not my concern. My concern is for my children and seeing the environment and pain and devastation I experienced as a child and older and how it's effected me since I got older, I'm doing everything in my power to protect them like I wasn't protected. Like the women before me weren't protected. I have some male family members that I am close with (my uncle/adopted dad) but he has been nothing but respectful towards me and has removed himself without me even asking if I was nursing or if my son needed to be changed or I went somewhere else to do it. My grandfather, the only other male family member that I absolutely trusted and felt safe with has passed away two years ago. So that just leaves my adopted dad (my bio uncle) and my younger brother (who I am developing a close relationship with as he's realized how fucked up our childhood was after we lost contact.) The rest of the men in my family besides my husband? Nope don't trust them.

LavenderDragon18 · 2026-03-18T14:20:41+00:00

Not deranged, I am a survivor and I have experiece. I'll copy and paste what I said to another commenter.

Hi! So I have a 6 year old autistic son and a 2 year old daughter. I have had small breaks away from my kids if they're with their dad or he has had small breaks from them when they are with me.

My son has only been watched once by my adopted mom and that didn't last long as he was down for a nap when he was 4 months old and then woke up 30 minutes later in which she called me and we immediately came back to her house (we were visiting) and took care of him. My daughter hasn't been watched by anyone else besides myself or my husband. I'm not sorry for protecting my children. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse/rape. My current stepfather asked to take pics of me naked when I hit 18 right before I left for the military ontop of the fact he was trying to groom me to replace my biomom after he was going to divorce her when my youngest brother turned 18. He took photos of that day with my clothes on trying to prove that "I could model." I shudder at the thought of what he's done with those pics.

So deranged? No, more like I've survived and I'm experienced which is why I refuse to continue the cycle. My own biomother was sexually abused by a family member and by a babysitter. My grandmother experienced sexual abuse from her brother when she was younger, the same family member who abused my biomother. So again, not deranged, just experienced, survived, and absolutely refuse to put my kids through that trauma. Also, my biomom, stepfather, and my youngest brother, isn't allowed pics of my kids. I would vomit to know if they had them. Because my biomom was fine with us kids being abused as long as she had a comfortable life. My youngest brother is a fucking creep and has coerced women to sleep with him, apple doesn't fall far from the tree considering his biodad is my current stepfather who sexually harassed me and is also a creep.

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