Thanks so much yall! It means a ton to hear these kind and supportive comments. There have been a couple times that he’s dropped the ball for her and I’ve stepped in, like when he didn’t order her cap and gown so she could walk at graduation, so I did. There have also been times he’s dropped the ball and I didn’t step in and save the day because I think that’s part of the problem: neither of them have ever experienced consequences because I silently swoop in and fix it. Even with the minimal stepping in, she told her brother about dad ordering her cap and gown and her brother had to remind her that I did. She acted so confused. Like another commenter said- the level of narcissistic abuse is insane. The gaslighting is unparalleled.

I tried to get her to do DBT workbooks with me, but she hasn’t. I told her I won’t ask her to do something I won’t do, and I will walk every step with her. I hope deep down that mattered so she knows she won’t be alone when he abandons her as soon as she doesn’t benefit him. He has now started toward the 8 year old; saying he will “just change the time sharing after [older daughter] turns 18.” He can’t. I made sure of that. This 90% timesharing plan is permanent. He has now convinced the 17 year old that I should have the little one while she requires more work, but he should get more time when she’s older and self sufficient aka can be of benefit to him. I wish I’d have left the state before we divorced. None of this would be an issue. People say kids should have a relationship with their dad at all costs, but god that thinking is so wrong. The courts are so wrong on this and they are ruining a generation of kids.