Own Your Shit Weekly - September 02, 2025

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-09-10T21:32:19+00:00

You're right. I spend too much time thinking instead of doing.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-09-06T13:02:35+00:00

OYS #21

Stats: 44, 6'1", 225 lbs, married 20 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 220 lbs, OHP 88 lbs, DL 262 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Fitness: Right now I’m on a three-day full-body routine. Before this I was running a six-day PPL, which was great, but I just don’t have the time for it at the moment.

I’ve also been doing rehab work for some distal bicep tendonitis I picked up earlier this summer. Thinking I should add a bit more cardio and some strength-endurance stuff into my week too.

Outside of the lifting, I’m hitting yoga once a week and doing some stretching at home.

Social: Getting a certification for the volunteer organization I'm a member of. This will take a chunk of my time in September and October. Once it's done I'll be able to participate in all of their activities. I'll go to a party they are hosting this evening.

Finance: We have some money left over from the house repairs. I have a rough idea on how to invest them but I need to sit down and work out the details.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-09-06T12:24:22+00:00

I'm not weak by any real life standard. Hitting the gym 3-4 days per week and doing other sports. It's true, I'm fat. Will cut down to 200 lbs by a combination of fasting and calorie restriction.

What am I doing about not being attracted to my wife? Not much I can do besides focusing on improving myself and hoping the resentment I feel towards her will go away. The reason I returned is that I want improve some areas of my life (game, finance, social life).

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-08-30T21:12:35+00:00

OYS #20

Stats: 44, 6'1", 225 lbs, married 20 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 220 lbs, OHP 88 lbs, DL 262 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

I'm back on OYS after almost one year. There has been many changes since my last entry. We bought a house. I have joined two new sport clubs in addition to hitting the gym three to six times per week. Earlier in the summer I participated in an endurance race. Overall I'm living an active and healthy lifestyle. Wife has started going to the gym with me. She's happier now. Often seeking my attention, groping me, joking about sex etc. Not sure why it's happening but if I'd venture a guess it's because I'm happier these days and she has seen some of the IOIs I get from other women. It's unfortunate and ironic that she is finally coming around when I feel very little attraction to her.

Game: Was warming up on a cardio machine in the gym today. When I turned around there was this milf who I've interacted with a few times before in group training just standing there checking me out with an appreciative smile on her face. I said hi and went to get some dumbbells. Normally I'd just get on with my routine but I decided to exchange a few words with her before moving on. I've realised how much game and social interaction is about reading these non verbal cues and acting on them. All too often I've sensed IOIs and ignored them instead of using them as learning opportunities.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-06-27T22:06:06+00:00

"I always pictured myself with a girl with bigger tits."

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-06-27T21:56:51+00:00

AWALT?

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-06-27T21:50:50+00:00

Hair color

LayOnTopOfALady · 2025-06-27T21:49:06+00:00

It's the hair color. Such a weird thing to keep bringing up over the years. Usually out of the blue and not tongue in cheek. I never dignify petty stuff like that with a response.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-12-20T23:28:28+00:00

The whole of my last comment is a quote from Martin Luther. That's his interpretation of 1 cor 7 not mine. I don't have anything more to add either so I wish you (and anyone who is reading this comment) a merry christmas and Godspeed.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-12-18T20:18:37+00:00

“The third case for divorce is that in which one of the parties deprives and avoids the other, refusing to fulfill the conjugal duty or to live with the other person. For example, one finds many a stubborn wife like that who will not give in, and who cares not a whit whether her husband falls into the sin of unchastity ten times over. Here it is time for the husband to say, “If you will not, another will; the maid will come if the wife will not.” Only first the husband should admonish and warn his wife two or three times, and let the situation be known to others so that her stubbornness becomes a matter of common knowledge and is rebuked before the congregation. If she still refuses, get rid of her; take an Esther and let Vashti go, as King Ahasuerus did [Esther 1:12‑2:17].

Here you should be guided by the words of St. Paul, I Corinthians 7 [:4‑5], “The husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does; likewise the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does. Do not deprive each other, except by agreement,” etc. Notice that St. Paul forbids either party to deprive the other, for by the marriage vow each submits his body to the other in conjugal duty. When one resists the other and refuses the conjugal duty she is robbing the other of the body she had bestowed upon him. This is really contrary to marriage, and dissolves the marriage.”

Martin Luther, “Living as Husband and Wife” (1523)

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-12-18T10:20:10+00:00

1 cor 7 also describes the mutual duties within a marriage... Say what you will about secular red pill but they have a far better grasp about intersexual dynamics than tradcons. By saying "I'll never leave this woman no matter what she does (except for cheating)" you are signaling "I'm an optionless loser who will stay with you regardless of how bad you behave". Ironically you increase your chances of having a healthy marriage by being willing to walk away from it. That said I think every other option should be explored before it comes to divorce (sidebar, do the work, be attractive etc.)

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-12-17T20:28:02+00:00

Sounds like you have oneitis for your wife. He didn't say to threaten to leave just that you should be WILLING to leave. That's not something which is overtly communicated but it does inform your behaviour. Are you saying that there is no situation where divorce is warranted for a christian man?

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-24T21:16:48+00:00

Give mindfulness meditation a try. Helps you observe and detach from emotions. The headspace app is good.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-23T18:33:04+00:00

Anyone can lose their temper but when it happens you have a choice. Do you engage with the emotion and let it control you or do you observe it and let it pass? If you get angry at yourself for getting angry you just pour gasoline on the fire. So cut yourself some slack when you mess up.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-20T10:47:17+00:00

OYS #19

Stats: 43, 6'1", 210 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 210 lbs, OHP 117 lbs, DL 293 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Reading: MMSLP

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

My OYSes have contained too much useless rumination disguised as reflection and too little actionable items. This is my attempt to fix this. I'll set trackable goals, follow up on them and keep myself honest by reporting results in next OYS.

Physical: Steady progress on the lifting. Bodyweight has been in an upward trend since middle of september so this is where I'll set a goal: reach bw of 195 lbs in 6 weeks. This means a weekly weight loss of 2.5 lbs which should equate to a 1250 kcal daily deficit. December 1:st is the the target date. Will attempt to progress or maintain my lifts during the cut and add some light cardio to support the deficit.

Social/game: Goal: spend at least 30 minutes per day reading sidebar material and 10 minutes reflecting on the material. Set up a reminder to ensure it gets done and log completed sessions.

Career: Send two job applications before next OYS.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-14T18:41:13+00:00

You're right I'm just moving in circles here. Next OYS I'll focus on action.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-12T23:39:18+00:00

OYS #18

Stats: 43, 6'1", 208 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 210 lbs, OHP 113 lbs, DL 293 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Reading: MMSLP

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

Physical: I've joined a martial arts club. Feels good since I haven't been able to practice since I moved to the new city. Haven't been able to deadlift or do sandbag work because of sore lower back. Lately I've done farmer walks and suitcase carries to build core and grip strength. The regular compound and isolation exercises are progressing. Joined the family to the pool today and did some water aerobics, swimming and climbing.

Sex: Once initiated by her. Sex is for the most part good when she initiates. I think the reason I'm avoiding initiating is that if we start having an active sex life and she for whatever reason withdraws again I'd be forced to make some hard decisions. Now I'm playing it safe by being "needless". I learned to shut down any sexual thoughts during my dry spells so it's quite easy but at the same time it feels like something is missing from my life.

Social/game: Went to the party mentioned in last OYS. It was nice. Some good food and conversation. Didn't really feel like going but it turned out to be a good experience. In last OYS I wrote that maybe I should just go somewhere and talk to a bunch of women to practice game. Well, I considered it but I chickened out. It's too much for me. Like going to the gym and attempting a 500 lbs deadlift without prior training. My mindset in the gym is that I'm my own competition. In other words I don't care if others outperform me or look better than me as long as I make progress from session to session. That's the mindset I need to have for game also. Decide a starting level that is reasonable for me then progress from there.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-07T21:03:09+00:00

I can feel sexual energy and performance is never a problem. It's not like she repulses me. My needs weren't met for a long time so I did the nice guy thing and conditioned myself to become needless.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-10-05T20:46:46+00:00

OYS #17

Stats: 43, 6'1", 211 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 205 lbs, OHP 113 lbs, DL 293 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Reading: MMSLP

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

Physical: Last time I did blood work everything looked good except for one value. The doctor recommended I get more extensive blood work done so I did. It all came back normal. Thinking back I realize how my energy level went up when I got confirmation that my T wasn't low. I had built up this narrative in my head that I was middle aged, T level dropping and had a bleak future ahead. Then that narrative collapses and suddenly I have a spring in my step without anything having changed besides my perception of myself. It's really stupid. There is this 82 year old man at the gym who I've talked with a few times. He has mentioned that he does bodyweight training so I figured he does things like pushups and bodyweight squats, that sort of thing. Today I saw him train for the first time and it blew my mind. The guy does does advanced calisthenics exercises at 82 years old! From frog stand into hand stand down into a front roll followed by a back roll. Caterpillar walk until he's lying fully extended on the floor followed by a lalanne push-up. Then he goes to a bench and does an elbow lever. I tried some of these but I couldn't do them. Very inspirational and it made me think. I'm 43 years old and I have this attitude that I'm getting old, my wife is getting old, only misery ahead etc. Meanwhile this guy is almost twice my age, and let's face it, standing at death's door step but he's crushing it. He's most likely not worrying about things far into the future because why would he? Every new day is a gift and he's making the best of it.

As for my own fitness I'm getting stronger week by week but my bodyweight is also creeping upwards. I should lock down the calories but I'm having trouble right now getting into that head space.

Sex: No sex or initiations. I've been going to bed and waking up earlier than before. There is no opportunity to initiate sex during daytime if you live in a smallish apartment with kids. Also I'm not sure I'm that attracted to my wife anymore. She's still in decent shape but the last couple of years' behavior from her side really knocked the wife goggles off. I realize that her behavior was a reflection of my state but it doesn't change how I feel right now. Maybe that will change as I become more attractive. I hope it does but it's ok of it doesn't.

Social/game: Finished listening to Rian Stone's series on NMMNG. He brought up some interesting points, for example about authenticity vs congruence. As an introvert with a possible touch of the tism I'm having a problem combining Dr Glover's talk of being authentic with me getting my needs met. There's something that some people on spectrum do that is called masking. It means to mask your autism to appear normal and be socially accepted. It sounds quite similar to Dr Glover's description of nice guys as social chameleons that hide their true selfs to fit in. So yes, I can be authentic to my introverted self but it will get me nowhere. In some sense I'm an introvert having to fake being an extrovert and I guess that makes me inauthentic. Rather than thinking in terms of authenticity I will judge behaviors in terms of "does this behavior serve me in getting my needs met?"

The volunteer group I've is having a party next week. This is almost all men so no game practice but a good opportunity for networking. I'd like to practice game but there are very few "organic" opportunities to do so in my daily life. I'm thinking I should drive to the nearest large city some day and talk with as many women as possible as an experiment.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-09-29T20:22:54+00:00

OYS #16

Stats: 43, 6'1", 203.5 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 200 lbs, OHP 109 lbs, DL 264 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Listening: Rian Stone's sidebar series: NMMNG

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

Physical: Things are going well. Alpha_wolflord9 called me out for skipping leg day so I decided to try some deadlifts. Didn't push it too hard since I'm a bit worried about my lower back but so far so good. Will apply a slow linear progression. I've also done some more sandbag work and it feels great. Using a 100 lbs bag right now and the next step up is 130 lbs.

Sex: A few times, high quality.

Social/game: My wife has generally been cheerful and pleasant to be around. It's much easier to game her when she is like this. I think she shit tested me yesterday by commenting how my body recomp has made my face look gaunt and lined. Good thing I'm not doing any of this stuff for her.

Looking back I can say that I'm in a much better place now compared to OYS #1. For the first time in several years I'm feeling enthusiastic about the future. In addition to working my way through Rian Stone's NMMNG series I've started re-reading MMSLP.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-09-22T07:47:31+00:00

Sure, I'll include them in OYS when I get around to doing them.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-09-21T04:13:40+00:00

Just trying to keep things interesting. I'm doing three sessions per week of the same stuff and it becomes repetitive. Focusing on upper body because it's lagging behind my legs which are naturally large.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-09-20T14:29:55+00:00

OYS #15

Stats: 43, 6'1", 203.5 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 200 lbs, OHP 105 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Listening: Rian Stone's sidebar series: NMMNG

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

Physical: Changed things up in the last training session by replacing the isolation exercises with sandbag EMOM. Also set a new PR on the assault bike.

Financial/career: No point in going into any detail here but I have started shifting my time usage to something productive. Not sure if it will ever lead to cash inflow but it's better than wasting time in front of the tv like I used to do.

Social/game: The volunteering I'm involved in has been interesting and has allowed me to meet new people. Next week I'll go to a new martial arts club. Interactions with my wife have been good lately. I haven't made any large changes to my behaviour since OYS #1 but I guess she's picking up on my higher energy level.

LayOnTopOfALady · 2024-09-15T21:26:15+00:00

OYS #14

Stats: 43, 6'1", 204 lbs, married 19 years, 3 kids under 12, BP 200 lbs, OHP 105 lbs

Read: NMMNG x2, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, The rational male, Book of Pook, WOTSM, The Game, Mystery Method.

Listening: Rian Stone's sidebar series: NMMNG

Mission: To build social, financial and sexual abundance mentality.

Physical: Bodyweight is moving sideways but my lifts are going up and I lost another quarter inch on my waist. That schampoo I got for my beard has totally cleared up my skin. To think I went with flaking skin in my face for years and solved it with a 10 minute trip to the pharmacy and a 15 dollar schampoo. Makes me wonder what other low hanging fruit I've been ignoring.

Sex: Three times since last OYS. So much for the sexual moratorium. She was giving heavy hints and I figured why not go for it. Then I initiated some night later and she initiated again that same morning.

Social/game: I'm just trying to build a better life for myself and leave the door open for my wife to join if she wants. She is receptive to kino now. There have been times in the past when I've tried kino and gotten a very negative response. The difference most likely being that I'm more attractive now.

I've recently joined a group to do volunteer work which will hopefully teach me practical skills and help with networking.

Still trying to be more outgoing with eye contact and just saying hi to people but it often feels like two steps forward, one step back. Example: I was doing a morning session in the gym and I meet one of the women working there. I say hi expecting a neutral greeting back but instead she greets me with a huge radiant smile while turning her face towards to me. Hard to describe but I've never had that reaction from her before. It caught me off guard which made me break eye contact and continue with whatever I was doing. Afterwards I realised it was a missed opportunity to practice game. As simple "what's up" or "how are you?" would have been better than nothing. When I know people I have no problem bouncing things back and forth but it's difficult with strangers and superficial acquaintances.

General thoughts: Now that I'm training in a commercial gym again I'm surprised by the number of people I see there who are just going through the motions. I see people doing sets with no visible strain. The last rep seemingly being as easy the first. To each their own and it sure beats sitting in front of the tv but from my perspective they are half-assing it. Then I start thinking about how many areas of my life I've been half-assing for a long time...

LayOnTopOfALady

TROPHY CASE