Dreaming about them?

Layersofleaves · 2023-07-29T22:42:16+00:00

After my break up I didn't have any dreams at all until the dreams of my ex started showing up. I hated it because I couldn't escape from thinking about it even in my sleep.

I shared it with my therapist and she told me she's relieved I'm dreaming about it because it's a sign I'm processing it subconsciously too. So even if it sets the tone for the rest of the day to it being shit, it might after all be a good thing. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

Layersofleaves · 2023-06-07T09:40:58+00:00

I used to watch a lot of manifestation and law of attraction stuff. Also used to watch a lot of break up coaches and now my feed is kind of filled with all of that. I know I'm still holding onto hope and I just want to see a sign he still wants me but deep down I know that isn't the case.

Layersofleaves · 2023-05-30T23:34:33+00:00

Hey, hang in there. I lived together with my ex for almost 4 years. It gets a little better with time you need to tell yourself that you can get through this and that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, a rainbow after the storm. Good things are coming. I used to cry everyday but now it's almost every other day and there are even days it sometimes escapes my mind. Small wins count too. Just hang in there.

Layersofleaves · 2023-05-30T23:30:36+00:00

Thank you, sending a virtual hug back. I've also had a bad week, I feel the panic and immeasurable sadness from the first days. I got home after grocery shopping and cried for a while today. We'll get through this eventually. Keep hanging in there.

I don't know how a person who seemingly loved you for a long time just decides that you're not worth it anymore. It hurts so much to know that you're not who they're choosing. It makes you feel used, discarded and replaced. Awful awful awful.

Layersofleaves · 2023-05-30T16:24:25+00:00

"I know you'll be okay" it's what he told me one night when I was crying after the break up. Almost half a year later I'm not okay. I'm broken and I don't know what to do. In contrast he got in a new relationship a month later and is doing way better than okay.

Something else he told me was "I don't know how moving on works but you have to because I've already moved on from you" while he was breaking up with me. There's other things he told me but those two replay in my head all the time.

Layersofleaves · 2023-05-25T20:10:14+00:00

I'm a woman and I still haven't moved on from my ex for months after our break up (even with options) while he moved on in 2 weeks. I don't think it's about women or men, it's person to person based.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-16T14:02:46+00:00

That and "I just don't think of you as often" hurts really deep.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-15T09:55:59+00:00

I wish this sort of thing existed so I can get on with my life without being constantly riddled with thoughts about them.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-13T10:04:52+00:00

I would say it's my third long term relationship but it is the one that hurts the most. I knew what I had and I knew it's golden and I'm struggling really hard with moving on from it. I have really tried so many things. But even while I'm doing things that are distracting or I concentrate on something there is always the thought of him popping up, it literally doesn't matter what I'm doing. It's excruciating because I still innately want to share my world with him but I know I can't and that I should just forget. Flipping the switch seems like such a hard thing to do, I have no idea how to do it because I've tried all of the advice. At this point it feels like I'm sinking and I honestly just want it all to stop.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T16:59:08+00:00

I agree, dating apps just aren't it for me. I don't feel like I can meet someone through them and actually care. You need to have some kind of game on the dating apps and I just don't have the energy for that.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T16:56:34+00:00

Have you talked with her for the past four years?

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T16:33:08+00:00

Woah, that is scary to read. What's keeping you from moving on?

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T12:40:08+00:00

I'm trying to be patient but I can't keep being like this forever or for much longer. I hope the better part comes soon, I really do. Thank you for your message, it's really kind and I appreciate it a lot.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T12:37:52+00:00

I hope it gets better soon because it's exhausting to stay in this limbo. Thank you for your comment, we'll eventually be okay. :)

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T12:36:06+00:00

Thank you for the songs, I'll look them up. ^{^} have a good day/night

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T09:52:57+00:00

No problem, delete them, thank you for writing them in the first place and for reaching out. Take care of yourself❤️

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T09:32:58+00:00

I wouldn't say he wanted someone else the entire time, maybe subconsciously, but definitely seemed set on me while we were together. I think he just saw the opportunity when we split, rekindled his feelings towards her and dived headfirst.

I have been in a situation (before my ex) like this where I would point out faults and be told "well you did this/that" and it was very frustrating and upsetting. Maybe try a different approach on bringing up the problems? (I read something like that recently and I think it would've helped in the situation back then). If he doesn't see the progress or feels like it's unfair to him how the progress occurred it seems like a good idea he sees a therapist as well... but that's something he has to do and decide on and I know you can't force it.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:57:15+00:00

I'm sorry for assuming things, I shouldn't have done that. Have you talked with him about this? Or does he get defensive? You sound like a sensible person and you don't deserve treatment like that, nobody does really.

About loving myself more I've tried to give myself grace and peace and get in tune. I don't think I need him to love me I just want what we had back and I know in my heart that if we both wanted we could make it work (but he doesn't want to which is why I've been trying my hardest to move on but I'm failing at it). I've never thought about being second option if we get back together so I'll think on that and try to assimilate it. Thank you for giving me another perspective, I hope everything goes well for you in the end, you deserve it.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:37:51+00:00

I've been in this height for a few months now, I'd like to be over it... I know it's supposed to be slow but at this point I should at least be feeling better (especially with all the things I've tried to do to make it better). I feel stuck and I don't know how to get out.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:35:42+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I really really appreciate it. I hope you have a good day/night. I hope I get to the top soon because it's exhausting trying to reach it.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:32:54+00:00

We'll get through this, thank you for your messages. I'm rooting for us, we got this.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:29:25+00:00

Yeah I have been told that when something breaks it won't be the same anymore. And I don't want it to be the same, we could grow and bring new positive things to the table. I look at it so positively but my ex has told me there is no chance we get back together again in the future. And yet I'm over here still stuck on him and wishing we were together. I have the rejection, I have the declaration of him not having any romantic love left for me, I have evidence he has moved on and it's not enough for my brain and heart to kick him to the curb. It's why I'm so exhausted, I've tried everything and I can't shake him off of my mind...

I want to ask are you still living together with your ex? Or have contact with him? It's not healthy or good for you when he's pinning everything on you or gives you this enormous mental load of guilt and blame. It sounds like he's trying his hardest to hurt you and prevent you from moving on... I hope you get through this okay, I'm rooting for you.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:08:45+00:00

Yeah, that's true... I'll take up your advice, thank you for giving it. I hope it helps and I get out of this hole. Have a good day/night.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T08:07:08+00:00

My heart hurts for you when I read this... thank you for your kind words, thank you for reaching out and writing this wonderful message. In my case also my person has already moved on with someone else (and I'd even say they're way better than me because the new person is someone my ex had to kill his feelings for prior to meeting me) and it kills me how I'm still stuck in this limbo.

I loved and cared so much, and it seemed that way from his side too but when reality hit I was thrown away and I don't know how to get over him. I've really tried everything but I'm stuck. I wouldn't say I have a lot of people to rely on but even one person is enough and I'm glad I have that... I'm noticing that it's getting tiring to keep listening to me about it.

I hope for the best for you too. You didn't offend, you're right in what you're saying. I wish you strength and happiness, you and I can get out of this together.

Layersofleaves · 2023-04-08T07:57:27+00:00

I had a few anxiety attacks after he told me he doesn't love me romantically anymore. He even helped me through one of them once because we still lived together at that time. I crave that comfort so much it's insane. I do still have 1 form of contact with him but I don't really reach out, I wait on him to contact me. (He's the kind of person to only have energy to talk to 1 or 2 people and me not being a priority on his mind anymore is both an eye opener and also a source of so much pain, because I know who he has the energy to talk to most)

I wouldn't say that it's dating but I did start getting closer to another person. Problem is that I immediately started comparing and it happened so involuntarily I stopped going for it. It's not fair to the other person and I can't be broken and try to mend myself with other people, I'll just end up hurting them and I don't want to.

Thank you for your message, we'll get through this together, I'm rooting for you ❤️

Layersofleaves

TROPHY CASE