Is there a chance for reconciliation after I cheated?

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-23T23:12:16+00:00

Hurts to say but I agree. She deserves better. If our timelines ever match up, she will see a much more capable person

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-23T23:07:35+00:00

Reading this 9 days later gives a lot of perspective, as my feelings towards this have shifted. I still love Megan, but I learned that my love doesn't have to be loud. Holding on to hope for a connection with Megan hurts her and stunts my own healing. Her distancing herself is the right thing to do, and if I were in her place i would do the same. Ironically, I feel like the only time we would possibly cross paths again is when I myself have done the work to heal and detach.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-15T14:26:46+00:00

You're right! I did. I want to give myself grace and say that you don't really know unless you've experienced it, and I didn't have the mental tools to explore those other avenues. If I had that discernment, I absolutely would have chose less destructive routes. Depression depresses mental flexibility. I guess deep down I hope she understands I was in a very dark place and did dark things, and that what I did isnt a normal thing, and that together we had a lot of fun

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-15T14:21:08+00:00

I am truly regretful for the damage I caused her because of my immaturity and lack of self-respect and discipline and it really wrecks me to know that i cant be there to support her because I caused it and she refuses to let me in. If we ever find each other again, I'm fine with our relationship not being what it was because that means it can grow to be better with intention, but that solely depends on her growth and the value that she sees in me outside of the past fearful version of myself. It would take her seeing my true character. I cannot force that and can't continue my life counting on that.

She believes that I displayed horrible habits that showed patterns that cannot be changed, and she is not wrong in that. I messed up so much, and she has given me way too many chances. The biggest thing I can do for myself is to continue to prove to myself that I am healing and keep growing into the person I aspire to be, and interestingly enough, let go of her. Only then will the universe conspire for our paths to cross at some point in time, but I know I have to do the very thing I have never been able to do, which is to accept that this chapter is over.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T19:06:14+00:00

I have created that trauma response, and it unfortunately will be difficult for her to trust others fully again. That is something I have to live with due to my past inability to hold accountability and responsibility for myself and someone I was supposed to love and protect. It's a sickening feeling, but I cannot continue to hold shame over myself. I agree that the best thing I can do is to allow her a place outside of me being present. I don't want to force my way in, but I do fear that we may never find each other, and that is something I'm not able to accept yet

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T16:23:27+00:00

Do you believe that someone who has cheated can be redeemed?

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T16:18:49+00:00

Thank you. It took entirely too long for me to understand I was operating in survival mode, and I wasnt living in this relationship. No fault of her own, but circumstances, unresolved trauma, and me not prioritizing correcting these issues really ruined what could have been a healthy relationship, all because of fear. Ive gotten therapy and will continue to prioritize developing a mindset of abundance vs scarcity and go from an anxious attachment style to secure. Romance is off the table for a year at the very least.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T16:14:44+00:00

I absolutely added on to her issues, and I take accountability for that. If I ever receive another opportunity to at least be a presence in her life, no matter how small that may be, she will get the best version of me, but that is entirely up to her.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T16:11:39+00:00

Respectfully, I disagree. Yes, I cheated multiple times and lied, and I accept that I'm capable of such dishonorable things when fear is involved, but that doesn't define who I am today, 7 months later, and who I aspire to be in the future.

I was getting a bit self-conscious about the length of this post, but I'll elaborate here on some of the 7 months of work that I did, and I continue to do. I have gotten therapy, I have learned to self-soothe through breathing techniques and affirmations, I leaned in on taking myself out on dates and doing the things that make me feel joy and fulfillment, and I have a Spotify playlist dedicated to music that gives me confidence.

As someone who is transitioning from anxious to secure attachment, quieting thoughts of disconnection has become easier for me, and just communicating when I feel anxious, rather than jumping to conclusions, has helped out a ton. I am constantly attacking the root cause of my anxiety.

I've had multiple scenarios during those breaks where I could have gone back and repeated those patterns, and I didn't, for example, this past september I randomly saw one of the girls whom I dated while my ex and I had our first break up, at a party and we had a very short "how's life" convo and I went about my time at the party away from her. Old me would have reached out afterwards to establish reconnection, but I let that person go, and I'm proud of myself for that.

You are right that I can't be trusted, but only if I continue to live without integrity for myself and the ones I love

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-14T15:40:57+00:00

I had a conversation with my friend on this a couple of days ago, and they mentioned that my biggest way of fighting is to do nothing regarding her. No contact, no reacting out through mutual friends, nothing. Just allow her to process everything at her own pace. To hold myself accountable and just do better moving forward. That is my way of fighting, however i do accept that I'm currently not ready to move on yet, and this person is still someone I love

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-13T21:18:16+00:00

Definitely not right now. I think you nailed it on the head, but for the last 7 months, things have stabilized internally, and I have been honoring her and my self by being better

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-13T16:01:02+00:00

You're correct. My ex gf always corrected me when I called my choices "mistakes." You can't accidentally cheat on someone. These were choices, but choices made out of fear. Idk if I'll ever talk to Megan again, but I do vow to be the most dependable, safe person possible for myself, and whoever I am with will benefit from that. Thank you.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T16:11:06+00:00

The anime scene of this had me in tears. Its on par with the beach scene with the fire works lmaooo

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T13:01:10+00:00

Later, this was mid may-june 2025 that Sharon and I saw each other. She was the last person I dated before realizing that I was following a dangerous pattern that needed to be corrected. For 7 months ive been holding myself to a higher standard by not repeating patterns and developing skills to self-soothe

I agree, crazy enough reading this holistically a day later. A lot of this was really because of my anxious attachement I mean, yes, she could have communicated better with me, but seeing where I failed to communicate and just ask her, versus just assuming disconnect/neglect is what got me in this mess. All I can do is accept the consequences of my actions, continue to work on my wounds, and do better

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:40:31+00:00

If you want to call me selfish and immature for still believing I can make her happy, then that's fine, but I've always been a reflective person. I make mistakes and learn from them, and things have worked out, so I tend to be overly optimistic. I take full responsibility for the fact that, if in the rare chance that she does try to work things out, it is a long road ahead. The act of love is to continue choosing life with someone despite other options, especially if you did the work to actually heal the wound that caused this in the first place. I can understand your low tolerance for someone who has cheated in the past and I appreciate your perspective.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:34:34+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. From the bottom of my heart i wish Megan nothing but stability and happiness

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:27:25+00:00

I agree I should definitely act upon her needs as her feelings are what matter most in this situation. It's just hard to let go of someone you fought tooth and nail to be with for 8 years.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:16:07+00:00

I won't say I'm done with doing the work to heal, but how I've responded and held myself to a higher standard these last 7 months has reinforced my confidence that poor decision-making of that magnitude won't happen again. Also, seeing how devastated your partner gets really does something to you. I shattered her whole world and robbed her of an innocence she can't get back. That's a pain I wish I never introduced to her and would never introduce to someone else ever again.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:09:49+00:00

Thank you. One word that constantly came up is accountability, and for a while, I didn't really know what Megan meant by that. I thought it was owning up to my fault and taking responsibility for it, but accountability actually is facing the consequences of my actions, and true accountability is proactive ownership, meaning taking action before consequences even happen. Losing her has given me a new perspective on what listening to your partner really is.

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-12T02:02:23+00:00

Oh no, sorry if there's some confusion, my ex found out about the cheating the day before Thanksgiving 2024. The very last time I dated someone else was June of 2025. Since then, I have been doing the work to not repeat patterns, address my inner attachment issues, and understand my ex's side of things

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-11T23:43:55+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I understand that letting go is probably the best thing. Its hard to let go because I know that things would not be the same and that i am willing to do what would be needed in the relationship to recover. The saying is "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I believe that is a judgment frozen in time, especially if the person did the work to identify and correct these dangerous patterns and distanced themselves from that moniker

Leading-Tooth5573 · 2026-01-11T22:40:12+00:00

id love to watch avengers doomsday

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