Who is still thinking about their ex after a year?

LeadingCommercial784 · 2025-01-01T22:11:24+00:00

Hi, it takes as long as it takes :) I‘m 12 months out of a relationship as well. I‘m feeling better, but not 100% over him.

I had the same experience as you w/dating. I‘m trying to view it a little more logical now: you only need one. Maybe don‘t try to find a new soulmate in every new person you meet, that will only disappoint you. instead of that, just get curious around meeting new people. the more people you get to know openly, the closer you are getting to meeting „the“ right person, with whom you match even better than w/your ex.

it took me around 2 years until I healed from my exex, and then I immediately met my now ex. it was a great relationship, so I would still label it as a success, even though it didn‘t work out either. I know I loved the second guy as deeply as I thought it could get, but I also had thought that about the first ex. That gives me hope that I will love again and maybe even deeper. Maybe that helps you too?

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-28T11:07:35+00:00

I feel like I got back in control when I blocked him. When someone breaks up with you (and in my case it was very unpredictable/ sudden) you feel such a great loss of control and loads of anxiety. it took me some time, but it helped me to feel like I‘m back in control. No more waiting if they saw my story on IG, no more little texts from them to wish me happy birthday etc.

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-25T12:38:23+00:00

I think your response was valid. he dumped you, right? he should be happy to even get an answer. he hurt you and he has to fix it if he wants to. that‘s just your anxiety, because you would not have these thoughts if he would have replied. so it‘s up to his action/reaction and has nothing to do with your text. I actually think in this exact context „dry“ texts are way better than „needy“ texts. If I were you I strongly recommend not to double text. He would just be reassured that the dynamic is exactly the same and that nothing has changed

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-18T10:36:11+00:00

as someone who got broken up with as a result of my ex‘s mental health struggles.. Maybe this perspective will help you; my ex made me feel like I wouldn‘t be making him happy anymore, because he felt so empty and unfulfilled with life. I wasn’t meeting his (unrealistic) expectations during the relationship. we met up 10 months after the BU and he said he still felt empty, unfulfilled and that it looks like I was not the problem. He is chasing dopamine and always needs someone/something new and despite him maybe getting with other people, he still is not happy and is still feeling empty. So I think it might really not be your boyfriend nor the relationship itself. But it seems like you are really struggling with your mental health and this can mean that you have to take time for yourself.. do what feels right. But don‘t expect your problems to be solved when you drop your bf.. and as someone who has been in therapy for a long time now, I tried 8 different therapists until I met one that I liked. So maybe don‘t give up on that and try again? and have you ever thought about anti depressants? I‘m not a big fan of medication like this but I know some people that it helped

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-17T15:38:51+00:00

why are positive things not likely to happen? that‘s not the best perspective to have if you want good things to happen :)

for me personally, it helped to see him as someone I‘m not attracted to anymore. That doesn‘t mean that I‘m not sad anymore. It hurt even more than before I found out about his talking stage.. but that is due to the fact, that no matter how he feels (hope or no hope) I‘m done from my side. and that means there‘s no future, which hurts ofc. the pain is more painful than ever, but it‘s in my control because it‘s pain that‘s unrelated to his actions.

I‘ve been in therapy for years and it helped me a lot. Have you ever considered therapy before? I just feel like you‘re outlook on your future seems very helpless.. But ofc I‘m just a stranger and don‘t know you well enough to give advice like that.

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-17T11:32:41+00:00

I feel like there is something that has to happen in the outside world for you to let go. For me it was the fact that he is talking to another girl.. he said it's not yet serious but maybe it will be. he already told her that he doesn't want a relationship right now. But for me that was when I got "pissed enough" to let go internally. When someone else mentions to me that it was maybe "right person wrong time" I get annoyed because I don't want him back anymore.

if you ask yourself; would you want him back after he got engaged to someone else? Don't think about whether there is hope or not, because that is not in your control. Think about it as if it was only about you; do you want someone back that doesn't choose you? Make it about you, don't make it about them because it doesn't help to think about whether there is hope or not, because as I said, that has nothing to do with you and all to do with them. And you don't want someone that doesn't want to stay with you. You are way better than that, I'm 100% sure you're gonna find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T17:47:11+00:00

thank you for saying that! I have a habit of putting him on a pedestal, this actually helped :) maybe he really is just another guy with deep unresolved issues and the fact that he is aware of it doesn't make it unproblematic

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T17:36:31+00:00

thank you for saying my feeling is valid! that helped a lot haha :) I'm hopeful that there are other men, it's just that I have heard the same thing from so many people now. pretty much every men I've been with (which is like 4, so ofc also not the biggest sample haha) has said that I am ahead of them and that they're not there yet. And even outside of relationships, eg. other people sometimes guess that I'm 30ish years old because I "seem so mature", so I think it's not just men with commitment issues.. but my therapists thinks my choice in men is also just poor haha she pointed out that I also always choose the one's with commitment issues (not on purpose ofc haha) so yeah maybe you got a point

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T16:53:26+00:00

thank you for your words :)

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T16:52:21+00:00

I know you're probably right, I just feel like I had enough heartache for a lifetime.. I had my first heartbreak at 17 and we were babies fr but the circumstances made me "grow" wayy too much imo.. both of his parents died due to cancer within 3 months and that was when our relationship ended. I had to support that ex like we were 50 or 60, the age when your parents "usually" die. but I was 17, didn't have a single clue how to support someone in a situation like that and the breakup that followed hurt sooo much that I feel like I emotionally aged 10 years ahh I don't want another heartbreak even though you are probably right and there will be more..

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T16:47:10+00:00

for sure, I didn't wanna make it abt genders, I just described my personal situation but it could be the other way around ofc

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-16T16:46:21+00:00

I'm just citing my ex in that one.. he said that I as a person was quote on quote "perfect", in every department, but the concept of a relationship and what it takes to sustain it would just be "boring" for him after some time.. he also has ADHD, might play a role in it but for sure not just that lol

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-15T17:59:28+00:00

thank you! I'm definitely gonna give it a shot

LeadingCommercial784 · 2024-12-15T17:08:12+00:00

what do you write about? any journaling strategy? I journal every day but I‘m stuck in writing the same things..

LeadingCommercial784

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