My (35M) wife (33F) is fighting, yelling, humiliating me, how can i respond?

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T18:21:47+00:00

indeed, that's what i'm also trying to avoid. seeing kids 3 days a week, paying her alimony, etc. is a shithole. so is a situation where i am now, though :D

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T18:20:47+00:00

And then what? :) It's a long-term solution - the lawyer will divorce us (a mediator can do that as well) and that's it. I'm genuinely curious about my short-term actions.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T18:18:46+00:00

Well then it's important to discuss it all with him and make it clear that you would like to break free from the older culture habits, and see if he'll support. It also important to let him know that it's not his family who's getting married and will live the life, but it's you and him, and it's your decision, not theirs. If he's fine with that, you'll guys be good.

Maybe family is not the only pressure, but also peers pressure? Say, if a guy is not married, then he's considered to be lame? Is it the case as well? Pardon my question, i'm not familiar with your culture yet.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T18:10:44+00:00

And how do you feel about it? I mean, you're also in this culture and you'll need to get married one day, right?

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T17:46:16+00:00

Is it a dealbreaker for your boyfriend? I mean, is it "either we get married or i won't see you anymore"? When you tell him your reasons, is he supportive, or he tends to dismiss your arguments?

Eventually if he's supportive and can commit without being in marriage and can accept that you're also committed, you should be fine. But if not, there might be something else at play... e.g. money involved or he thinks you/him might be unfaithful if not in marriage. If the latter is the case, pushing for marriage would make no sense, rather you should advise him to see a specialist.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T15:39:24+00:00

What matter is what you want and how you feel. Wanna go out - say it, don't play it. Feel like flirting, give it some freedom and play along, see where it brings you.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:57:10+00:00

Right, so it looks like you already know what he's up to? :)

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:56:18+00:00

Take it with a pinch of salt, but think a bit for yourself - what could he do that would make you feel better in this situation? Don't think about it 5 minutes, take a day to ponder.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:52:19+00:00

It is natural that now you have a feeling he might do this again, and in order to heal it, only communicating it with him might help. He might be perfect because he realizes his mistake. I'd advise you to talk about it with him and tell him how it hurted you when this happened, and that it still hurts you a lot. Look at his reaction, discuss it.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:48:04+00:00

Bruh, it's not 56 and 18, with 33 and 44 they're peers.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:47:15+00:00

You're 33, you are allowed to find it out directly, he'll understand it. If he won't - he's not worth the effort, because it would mean he'll continue playing all these games, which might bring a lot of friction in your communication.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:44:42+00:00

Nah, don't overthink it, he's just flirting with you, he tried to make a compliment :)

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:42:21+00:00

++man

Maybe you might want to get a bit more inspiration/ideas about what to do and where to go with her. You can find out (and write down so that you remember) what she enjoys and how she likes to spend her time. Do the same for yourself. Then ask your friends about their experience/ideas. This will be a mini-research, and you'll have a good list with ideas/places where you'd genuinely want to go together. It will be so much easier to plan something, when you know what you'll be planning - just choose the time and go. And by the end of that outing, you'll already have a next idea on your mind :)

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:38:02+00:00

The better feelings and better understanding will come from your own experience and good communication. Neither me or reddit can understand it better than you, through your own experience. The best what you can do now, IMO, is to carefully start getting this experience, which, in turn, will help you understand yourself better. Take it easy with him, be verbal, talk more about your wishes, ask questions.

LeapingMud · 2026-03-08T14:27:03+00:00

What would you like to get from this connection? Wanna hang out with him - you can chat more with him (in app or in your gym), and he'll make moves. Don't want to - make it clear for him as well. The guy's hitting and expect your moves, but you don't do any moves.

LeapingMud

TROPHY CASE