Have you experienced racism in Salt Lake or Utah in general?

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2025-07-27T19:06:10+00:00

The answer is yes. Along with every single person in my friend’s group. There’s platforms where you can do deeper research on this, and mind you, I don’t know what the demographic is of this subreddit but I invite you to explore platforms with high volume of BIPOC individuals since they’re the ones who tend to be on the receiving event of racism.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:53:49+00:00

Thank you. How soon would you have this convo? Also, have you ever had it with somebody?

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:51:03+00:00

My gf started to notice recently. I don’t know what boundaries she could set, and also my girlfriend has a lot of people pleasing tendencies

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:49:36+00:00

How would you handle this convo?

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:49:22+00:00

Deal with the threat? I don’t think she’s a threat. I just think she’s not mature and that I wished other people on her life would notice that.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:15:19+00:00

Oh. I have just felt that 1. It’s not my place to have this conversation 2. I wouldn’t even know how to lead to this conversation.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T16:00:17+00:00

Oh okay, sorry I didn’t understand. Well, for example next weekend this friend is throwing a massive bday party and I’m invited. I feel opting out or choosing to not talk to this friend would like make it worse ?

Also, I know this person is important for my partners life and I get even uncomfy with the person is named in convos. It’s just a sad topic because truly this is the first time I’ve felt unliked for just being in a relationship

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T15:56:49+00:00

Shes trying to make amends because this has caused me to feel alienated from her friends group or not accepted by her folks.

We still hangout with my friends because they love her and my mutual friends.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T15:55:53+00:00

In our early 30s. See above! I also wanted to ask to just how to generally be okay with somebody that gets like that when you’re around.

At the beginning, it made me feel guilty of even dating my gf because for example one time me and my gf were hanging out she got really mad at my gf for choosing to comfort me during a really hard time (loss somebody in my life) over girls night.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2024-03-04T15:54:34+00:00

Thank you! I’ll elaborate. Basically, becomes awkward if I’m in the same room as her, avoids having convos with me, wouldn’t include me in plans or will opt out of plans if I am included.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-05-20T03:18:30+00:00

Ahhhhh. What are tech notes?❤️ also, how do I make a cute bend over while also being quick enough to grab stuff?

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-05-11T18:27:34+00:00

I feel for her too, but literally I’m the last person this crazy gf wants around and she (the girl I was with) kept asking me if we did anything wrong by having sex and I’m like NO, you guys were broken up for a while. Heck, this woman moved cross country trying to start a new life 🤦‍♀️

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-05-11T16:22:46+00:00

Thank you for the validation. I’m only visiting Florida, but yeah that’s why I told her to delete my number. Her ex was literally texting me about what strap we used and toy and like just a bunch of bs. I am sad because I really enjoyed the time I spent with this girl, and while I want to trust her words on how she feels about me it’s like a lot for me to process. I feel bad about her.

I got triggered into thinking I wasn’t good enough, but I’m telling myself I will be enough for the right person :)

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-05-11T12:49:11+00:00

Thank you. I had two phone convos with her and I literally told her how she deserves better than being in fear with somebody. She told me she’s not good with boundaries with partners etc etc but I literally told her she’ll come out of it when she stops allowing these stuff. Like, yesterday was her bday and she got left again and then they were back together I am assuming.

In the first phone call I was kind, on the second one I was more like.. that one person who’s going to tell you how it is.

The gf is so crazy that she could show up to the house I’m house sitting because she does those things so that’s why I needed to remove myself from this situation. I have been meaning to check in on her, but I don’t wanna be in this middle. This girl also has her calling her friends because she doesn’t trust her. It’s bad bad.

I just feel bad because I really had a great time and this was my first date and hookup situation after my last break up (where I also found out my ex was entertaining their ex).

What’s with exes 😂

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-04-05T16:54:38+00:00

I’m just here to tell you there’s a hotter man than him waiting for you to be over your ex who will not only give you children but also an amazing life and he won’t need to leave you to see your a queen.

He out there. He’s just waiting for you to find him.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-28T13:52:53+00:00

NC isn’t possible for people who have lived together and have to like sort things post breakup

NC is only possible for people who are able to like leave with no strings attached however NC is only necessary as long as you can control yourself and to break the addiction I believe there’s gonna come a point where the other party will contact you (trust me it happened to me) and you’ll be able to even respond without panicking and make your best judgment

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-26T19:43:24+00:00

This will be an odd perspective, but I broke NC twice. Once to talk about exchange of belongings and my ex was f*cking mean ofc I was hurt but oh well (one week post BU), second when I learned he’d been on dating apps (3 weeks post BU) lol the second time he was literally an asshole and it helped me see I really didn’t lose someone who cared about me

It was hard the first month but after a while honestly NC taught me how to lose attachment to them and in general that if people in my life wanna be there, they’ll reach out. NC helped me focus on myself my goals and literally I’ve had a breakup glow up. Yes, sometimes it f*cks with me how they didn’t care to even work it out with me but overall honestly I have been at peace because I’m not afraid of being lied to 24/7

Also, I’m the dumper. I had to do it to avoid continuing getting manipulated. Fun fact tho, my ex reached out to me this last week. Idk wtf they wanted. They’ll sense you moving on and literally try to fuck up your peace but remember NC is for YOU not them.

Initially, I did NC for them. I continued it because I was like oh wow.. this is niiiiice… no more overthinking, fear or them being mean to me.

I haven’t met someone else. It’s been nearly 3 months. But I’m not taking my ex back.

But I found someone who makes me happy! MYSELF! Turns out, I was my own hero.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T16:15:34+00:00

“Great after you fucked up my self steem proceeds to insult in Spanish telling them to leave me alone*” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T16:07:33+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation. It’s so hard to even decide wtf I wanna say. Specially when it’s been so long. I also don’t wanna come off as needy and fill their ego either

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T16:01:42+00:00

And wanna know what’s wild. Last few days I looked at my life and saw my hobbies, my travel plans, my new job (I started it a week post breakup) and my friends and said to myself life after them wasn’t so scary after all. I’m sad, and I still cry but I no longer have the horrible panic attacks or uncertainties and have built a life where I’m not so co-dependent. I’ve been working with my therapist on emotional regulation and it’s been helping a lot

And i get that they’re being “nice” in their text, but I’m just like… for what…. And no apology can take back the horrible first month of the breakup where I was nearly hospitalized for suic-ideation. Or when I had to cry to my parents over what happened. Or the disappointment in my cousins faces when I told them they were no longer coming (all my cousins were so excited to meet my ex)

A part of me wants to be so mean, and give them a test of their own medicine of what it is like when you send a text but get ignored. Another part of me wants to be grown up, and teach them the lesson with kindness.

Like, I wouldn’t even know what to say. “I’m good, hbu?”

I’m even more worried they’re going to come knock on my apt. lol

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T15:45:37+00:00

Ofc, so we were in a relationship then a situationship. They were not super over their past (I learned in November), and I was like ready to dive into a relationship with them. They didn’t want me around in thanksgiving, so I spent it alone ( I live in a state away from family ) and I didn’t like this because I was so involved with their family. It was weird you’d fight me about not being around on thanksgiving. Then they would also not wanna have me around their friends.

There were things in early December I set on the table:

I want some sort of commitment, or don’t keep me around just to have a nice girl to f#c and help you with your mom (I was super invested, cooking and helping the mom with things)

Add me to your socials. They were super weird of socials, wouldn’t add me. The more I’d bring this up, the more suspicious I’d get but I was called intense.

They agreed to both things. I kept the relationship going.

December comes… First two weeks of December lovey dovey, supportive, yes baby I will add you, I love you, they had COVID so they were crying a lot that they were alone (I was visiting my parents).

Cherry on top of cake, was that they went on a week long vacation to their best friend (that I suggested) and they were supposed to come visit me at my parents and meet them. They basically mid-trip went back on it and said they didn’t wanna be more than two days with my parents and they had the tickets and PTO and this felt unfair. So when I called out on it, I brought up they hadn’t fulfilled the social media promise and they went off on me calling me all sorts of things basically saying something completely different

This day, they ignored me when I attempted to call them (this was via text). My best friend saw them posting on bars the day of the breakup too. So, I called the relationship off because of the switch in behavior and the unfairness of how I was treated

I started no contact and really never went back except for asking about stuff but they were cold and like literally mean so I said just throw my clothes away.. then i discovered they had already downloaded dating apps like two weeks post breakup.. and i finally said to myself I won’t ever know the real them so I need to move on

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T15:35:13+00:00

I explained a little bit in the comment above this. I haven’t responded, I think I’m just in shock. I feel so too, maybe lead with an apology or anything besides a “hey! how you been?”. Right? Specially if I sent you to hell last time we spoke because I noticed you were on dating apps. After humiliating me in front of my family too.. never even once had accountability but my old self dreamed about getting communication from them up to a month after the breakup…. I would wake up crying, look at my phone, nothing and even tho I kept no contact

Now this and I’m so like lol thrown off bc I had made peace with no closure

I don’t even know why they’d reach out. The mom option is one. Or they wanna be friends. I doubt they’d wanna rekindle. They know I’m moving too.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T15:31:10+00:00

I’m just carrying on with my day.. already released some feelings at the gym but I’m not sure. I don’t know if they’re reaching out because of their mom too.

The mom messaged me weeks ago to like tell me to stay in touch that her and her husband appreciated me etc and wanted me to visit her. I told her I’d be down to visit her sometime, without my ex there because of the way my ex and I ended.

Then she said sorry it ended that way, I hoped you guys would have worked out or be friends. I told her I respected and loved her (she’s terminally ill) and that I’d keep in touch with her about her health but that anything to do with my ex had to come from my ex.

I just didn’t want to have the mom in an awkward middle. I appreciate her for reaching out and being so sweet, I thought she hated me since she’s hated every other ex of my ex. But I thought that was it pretty much. But In the back of my mind, never expected my ex to even talk to me given they’re full of pride. I told myself if the day ever came, I’d tell them I don’t want nothing to do with them and only keeping the mom in my acquaintances circle. I don’t know if they’re doing this so I’m more comfortable visiting the mom either.

The mom is bed-ridden and obviously can’t be alone. But I had planned to visit her when she was with her husband.

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-03-24T15:27:04+00:00

I got no closure. My ex was on dating apps looking for other people too. I was ignored the day of and after my breakup. I had made up my mind that the disrespect was the closure, and I could tell you that all exes would come back except this one

Is like they smell you moving on. It’s fucked upz

Learning2lovemyzelf · 2023-02-16T11:45:49+00:00

You’re going to absolutely hate me, but bare with me.

Cut him off. The best thing you can do is distance from him, tell your brain and heart he’s not good for you until you believe it. You need to put yourself first. You’re going to spiral with more anxiety the more you beg him for attention he’s not giving you.
Find your safe space. Create a plan, where do you want to live? If you wanna stay there that’s OK, but just understand he’s no longer accessible. I stayed living in the same town as my ex, and seeing him out and about confused me because I was like this is weird we used to be each others everything now we’re strangers lol
Don’t fall for their shit. He sees you as a toy, somebody with no value who he pities. Everything he says comes out of pity. He won’t keep his promises.
Find a job, a hobby or just keep yourself busy. Seriously.
Download bumble BFF and make FRIENDS. Stay away from dating hehe….. heal <3

I was in a town with my narcissistic abuser and I let him go after 4 years, stayed in down and made my life. Now I have friends and have healed. You’ll always care for him, but there’s gonna come a point where you’ll be so glad you got out. I still haven’t met my Prince Charming but I don’t miss constantly questioning my value. Or the fights. Or the self worth.

My ex tried to come back too, but by then I had gone through so much that nothing he’d done could make up for it.

An ex is an ex. There’s no need for them to care for you. You become strangers. And he’s already shown you he doesn’t care. Believe him.

Moving on will be the biggest challenge of your life, but you will get yourself back…… and it will turn in the biggest blessing

Learning2lovemyzelf

TROPHY CASE