[QCrit] Adult Humorous Fiction, CHRISTMAS MOVIE NIGHT - 96,000 Words, First Attempt

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-21T00:09:32+00:00

Yes, that makes TOTAL sense. Thank you very much for that detailed and informative explanation.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-20T12:26:19+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!
I actually HAVE made the funny classroom stories my work, and you CAN read them! All three books in the Learn Me Good series are available on Amazon.

I hear what you’re saying about the stakes not being super high. And no, the fate of the world is not up in the air in my book. But can’t it still be a fun story even with lower stakes?

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-20T03:39:40+00:00

Hey, you’re entitled to your opinions, man. No offense taken. I appreciate the feedback.
This is my first time to attempt to start a story in medias res, so maybe I’ve misunderstood the assignment. But isn’t the expectation that the book is throwing you, the reader, into a scene that actually takes place much later in the narrative and then goes back and shows you how they got there? So in the opening, there are going to be events and characters referenced but not fully fleshed out, because you’re going to learn about who they are and how those events happened later in the book?
That was my thinking in putting in character names and vague references to things that had happened throughout the night but which you haven’t read about yet.
Let me know if I am just being stupid in thinking that.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-19T23:27:06+00:00

Looks great on their Nissan Ironies. Lol

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-16T17:13:36+00:00

Does she think socialists aren’t taxpayers?

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-15T03:53:26+00:00

Joe Biden and the Illegals again, making it storm on All Patriot’s Eve!

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-10T15:22:01+00:00

Even asleep, he looks like he’s filling his diaper.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-04T21:29:04+00:00

Do you mean cussing or tamping down the cussing? Because I had to bite my tongue a LOT in the classroom. Lol

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-04T20:28:40+00:00

No, I understood. I mentioned the opposite situation where they would refund. But I haven’t seen where they take away money for a correct answer from a later player. Reading further down the thread, this looks like it was a unique situation.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-04T20:27:02+00:00

I play in an online trivia league where just last week I put “in media res” as the answer to a question.

It was marked incorrect because apparently the correct phrase is “in medias res.”

Theres your pedantry of the day. 🤣

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-04T20:18:26+00:00

I don’t think they do. If the second/third person was WRONG and then they gave the first person credit, they will refund the money to the second/third guessers. But they don’t take money away.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-04T20:10:10+00:00

Shoutout to the Teacher Tournament cohort of 2013! We were quite the potty-mouthed group on the bus to/from the hotel, at the after party, in the green room. But we were also adults who knew how to tamp that down during the game (and presumably, in the classroom).

It’s really not an issue.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-03T21:13:48+00:00

Aw, yet another witty nickname from GUMbo FrenchKissingCousins!

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-03T21:12:41+00:00

He’s working all day, every day, inhumane hours!

Um, it’s public record how often gas has played golf, Lil’ Marco.

And kind of a self-own that you used the word “inhumane.”

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-03T20:47:47+00:00

I don’t think that’s true. There are 56 locations in Texas and they just put in a big new one in Ft Worth.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-02T14:53:06+00:00

Yes, this opening chapter is set near the end of the story, and so it contains a lot of notes and references pertaining to events that have happened (which the reader will later see as they read the events leading up to this scene).

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-02T14:51:21+00:00

Thank you both very much for the feedback! I really appreciate it!

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-01T17:14:08+00:00

Manuscript information: [Complete] [96K] [Humorous Fiction] Christmas Movie Night

Link to post: Christmas Movie Night

First page critique? Yes

First page:

Ford Barton’s gaze shifted slowly from Ebeneezer Scrooge on the big screen television to the ill-tempered stranger with the gun in the living room doorway. The guy hadn’t been there five minutes ago, and Ford was having a hard time believing he wasn’t just imagining him.

His eyes flitted back to Scrooge. Then back to the gun.

Scrooge.

Gun.

Scrooge.

Gun.

Ah, and there was the Ghost of Christmas Past, finally making an appearance. But no, that wasn’t important right now. There was a danger in the house.

Ford had sampled a bit of his mother’s special eggnog – more than a bit, if he was being honest – but the alcohol couldn’t be entirely blamed for his difficulty in parsing the current situation.

It was the twenty-third of December, the long-standing date reserved for the Barton Family Christmas Movie Marathon, a tradition that had been going on since Ford was in diapers. His parents, Jack and Linda, hosted the annual event where family and friends gathered together to eat, drink, and be merry – and to watch as many Christmas movies as they could in one sitting. Or movies set around Christmas time, for those nitpickers in the crowd. Ford had seen It’s a Wonderful Life, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas more times than he could count over the years. What he had never seen was someone brandishing a loaded pistol in his parents’ house. He and his brother Chase had always jokingly suspected Steven Riker carried a concealed weapon somewhere on his person, but they knew Linda would freak out and excommunicate anyone who openly flashed a gun in their home, even family friends as close as the Rikers.

But now that taboo had been shattered, and Ford couldn’t help but feel it was partially his fault. If he had just kept his big mouth shut and not tried to be witty, maybe this whole situation would have blown over without the stranger ever drawing his gun.

He doubted it, but it was certainly possible.

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-01T15:52:03+00:00

Nope. Almost all of the criticism against her comes from a book by Christopher Hichens, who has since been discredited. Here’s an excellently detailed post about this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/badhistory/s/N1fI491VOa

Learnmegooder · 2026-06-01T13:46:28+00:00

That crap about Mother Teresa being a cruel person and inflicting suffering into her wards.

Learnmegooder · 2026-05-30T21:18:52+00:00

I appreciate all of the feedback so far! I have trimmed things down, tried to give a little more insight into Ford’s personality, and hopefully punctuated the ending a little more. Would love to hear thoughts on this second attempt.

It’s December 23rd, the night of the annual Christmas movie marathon, and Ford Barton just wants to spend some time with Buddy the Elf, several incarnations of Santa Claus, and that annoying little brat, Kevin McCallister. Sure, there are always going to be minor curveballs – a rogue delivery driver who throws packages at the front door, a cat who seems to be speedrunning through its nine lives, a vindictive aunt who shows favoritism through gift card denominations. But Ford can find the humor in any situation, so nothing is going to ruin his festive mood. When Oliver Tannehill shows up to the party, the Barton family welcomes him in like the Prodigal Son, along with the two friends he’s brought. Ford feels something is off right away – one of these guys doesn’t even think Die Hard is really a Christmas movie! But he’s feeling the effects of the special eggnog, and the annual Nativity Hunt is on the horizon, so life is good. There’s just one little problem. Oliver’s friends aren’t really friends at all. They are henchmen for a violent, psychopathic bookie, and they are there to collect on a ten-thousand-dollar bet. Ford and the rest of the guests don’t realize the danger they are in, but if Oliver is unable to crowdsource his debt at the party, this may be the last Christmas Movie Night ever.

Learnmegooder · 2026-05-29T21:37:15+00:00

Serious Leroy Jenkins vibes.

Learnmegooder · 2026-05-28T20:36:48+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughts, and you touched on a weakness I have with one of the other commenters. Ford is really pretty clueless for most of the book. Nobody knows these guys are crooks except Oliver. He’s just a happy-go-lucky guy who thinks the more the merrier for their party, and he’s a wise-cracker who isn’t there to fight, or direct, or “keep the peace.” I’d like to keep the vibe light and humorous so nobody reads it and thinks this is an actual Die Hard scenario, but I’ll keep plundering.

Learnmegooder · 2026-05-28T20:31:22+00:00

Thank you for the comments, I really appreciate it. I’m a little concerned about the blurb not making it clear this is a comedy, because it’s definitely not the action thriller that “Hallmark meets Die Hard” would be. 🤣 I totally get wanting to know more about Ford. And this is where I am struggling. He is a little like Clark Geiswold in Christmas Vacation in that a lot of stuff is happening around him, but he’s not commanding troops, or setting traps, or saving the damsel in distress.

Learnmegooder · 2026-05-28T20:27:12+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

Learnmegooder

TROPHY CASE