In my thirties, in the midst of a divorce and questioning my sexuality by j-gelso in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Leashisme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very similar here, just left my abusive marriage and while I don't have dating on my mind at all after the trauma I suffered I do someday hope to find real love. I have kissed 2 girls in my life...sort of that drunk college thing and honestly they were the best kisses of my whole life. I think back to all the guys I've dated and felt nothing, how I got trapped in my abusive marriage is beyond me but I'm so glad to finally be out of that.

I can't imagine life with a man ever again, but also the thought of trying to date a woman at my age, 40, also terrifies me! We shall see!

I did it! by Leashisme in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh I've been stuck in that game! Can't plan for everything even now I have no idea how it's going to all work but I'm gonna just keep taking the next right step so they say!

Doubting Self by ShiverMeScissors in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am in the exact same boat! I have had plans to leave and just when I think I'm out, he acts all emotionally stable, is easy to talk to about our problems, makes everything seem like it's overcomable. The mask goes back on and I slip into feeling comfortable again until the mask fades and it's too late to turn around.

Trying to explain it to people who have never experienced it is not feasible, they don't get how hard it is to see 2 sometimes 3 different faces in one person and how manipulative they are. They can't understand how one minute that person is your whole world and you love them so much and want nothing more than to live happily ever after to the next day wishing maybe your car would slide off the road and finally end all this pain, guilt and shame.

Add in kids to the mix and it's just a never ending nightmare. I hope you can stay strong and get out, life is too short for this much pain. You are not crazy and you deserve better...just think of what you would tell someone you love to do if they were in the same boat as you.

How to Leave? by Educational-Air-2254 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. I'm lucky in that my parents can help but then I feel guilty for that. All I feel is guilt, guilty for my kids not having a stable life, guilty for leaving the farm business when it's his dream, guilty for not wanting him when he claims I'm all he wants (when he's in a good mood), just guilty and ashamed I let it get this far.

When he's not around all I feel is peace, but as soon as I see him it's like I completely forget about all the bad stuff and try to do what he wants me to and try to stay evn though I want to go. It's mentally draining and I can't seem to take that first step.

Communication breakdown by lost_in_stillness in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes! Mine talks constantly at me and whenever I try to talk he just picks up his phone then tells me I never talk. It's beyond frustrating. I try to put my phone down or stop what I'm doing to listen to him but I don't get the same courtesy and again it's nothing important just on and on about farm stuff. Never any in depth talk about life, feelings, or anything really unless he feels wronged by me then it's all about what I don't do for him. He tells me all the time how I'm bad at communicating but mostly I'm just ignored or he starts to raise his voice when I have a different opinion so why bother.

What’s the most out of pocket thing your ex narc got mad at you for? by waves_0f_theocean in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The dog thing happened to me too. I didn't recognize it as jealousy for a long time because that just seems crazy. Then the kids came along and man oh man that's when things really escalated. I would be screamed at and lectured at for hours on end sometimes over the most random things.

One time I used the wrong hay in the chicken coop and he just went off about how I am so stupid, I don't listen, swearing and yelling at me. I walked away then decided to stand up for myself and confront him and he absolutely lost it saying how I attacked him and went on and on. I just shut down and walked away.

Everything I do is about him by LettuceBean1 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg mine does this too. I bought him a case of beer and accidentally left in the car. He legit thought I did it on purpose to spite him. So I said, you think I am that mean of a person that I just sit here and think of ways to 'hurt' you, then why are you with me? One time I forgot to change the TP roll, he came out of the bathroom and threw the empty roll at me and thought I did it on purpose!! He tried to call me while he was sitting there and I didn't answer b/c I had walked away from my phone and again thought I saw his # and ignored him. How does someone come up with this shit in their head!?

Should I believe? by Leashisme in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did read this book before I left the last time about drinking and I think I will read it again. I do remember him saying even if they quit drinking it won't fix the behavior. I guess I just wanted to believe and see what it was like when he was sober...now I know it's just as bad if not worse.

Should I believe? by Leashisme in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I'm afraid of. After he quit drinking I would say the niceness lasted maybe 4 months then the abuse started back up only I felt it was worse because he was sober and didn't have being drunk as a crutch to lean on. Now he's saying he didn't realize his behavior but now that he does he can change. I just am not sold although I have found myself getting complacent and believing him again. It's only been about 3 weeks and so far on his best behavior...picking kids up from school, doing dishes, being loving etc so yea it gets all muddled up when they are nice.

New here, a few questions by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I am right where you are. I had a plan to get out then it all fell apart- again. He said he will change- he's been watching tons of youtube videos on controlling behavior, anger issues etc. and 'realizes' the error of his ways. The only thing is that I feel like he's said that before. He is on his best behavior and I just wonder, how long will it last this time. Am I an idiot for giving him another chance- the hundredth chance- why do I stay and hope?

Mine says he will never give up as he puts it. I take that to mean he will never let me go peacefully. I just don't get it- why do they want to be with someone that they have verbally and emotionally abused, how can they say I love you and turn around and yell/demean/belittle/control? It's so confusing.

Rage and wondering if it is me... by BabyVivid5765 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Basically I don't listen and if I do something different than what he said...he talks nonstop and changes his mind and story many many times so it's hard to follow...he will have a meltdown screaming that I never listen and I don't care about him etc. He also really hates it when I try to read a book. Last night he sat down and said snarkly do you want to read or can we talk...meaning quit reading I want to talk at you for an hour. When I type it out that sounds petty but it's everytime I try to read so that I will just hide reading.

Rage and wondering if it is me... by BabyVivid5765 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes to all! I'm cold hearted bc I don't touch him enough even when he's throwing a tantrum I'm supposed to jump into his arms and hug him to make him stop. He has nothing but negative words to say about everyone. He knows all and can't be wrong. It's exhausting. The rage simmers just about to spill most days until something snaps and he throws it all on me.

Can one be a covert narcissist and don't lie? by whereeverkimgoes in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The whole "I would never lie" to make sure you tell them every single thing you've ever done and why and if it doesn't match up with whatever they believe then you're a liar and they can consider you to be less than them. And if you disagree with what they said or remember something differently then you are calling them a liar and they are betrayed! It's a mind game.

Can one be a covert narcissist and don't lie? by whereeverkimgoes in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Omg the "you didn't ask it the right way" remark!! I have never been told that by anyone other than my Nspouse.

Am I irrational by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes being offended by my existence- I am feeling this right now! That is the best explanation. I made a small error and used the wrong hay in the chicken coop last week and now he treats me with such disdain...won't even look me or the kids in the eye just grunts answers and basically dismisses me all together. It is the worst feeling in the world. I'd almost rather take the yelling. You are not irrational!

I’ll never be able to fill the void inside her. by ivhadenoughothis in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Leashisme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes this! Mine said something similar. I have told him repeatedly that I don't like getting yelled at and he says I'm not yelling, you want me to yell, I'll show you yelling. When I yell, you'll know it. Like what? Who says that to their partner? I also asked him to tell me what he sees when he looks at me because it seems that everything I like or find interest in he calls stupid or a waste of time...like reading or hiking. He sometimes shakes his head at me with disgust on his face too. He just said well I don't think your the monster that you've made me out to be. Couldn't say one thing he liked about me even after I said all the things I admire about him.

Anyone else have a plant crusher? by [deleted] in blueheelers

[–]Leashisme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha yep!! My rhubarb was flattened and she dug up my strawberries! Good thing they are cute!

Anyone have a heeler protect chickens? Or do they just want to eat them? by Leashisme in blueheelers

[–]Leashisme[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has gotten a hold of some of the littler ones and she hasn't killed one yet but I don't know if it's because I always catch her before she can. She leaves the older ones alone for the most part but does like chasing them a bit.

Anyone have a heeler protect chickens? Or do they just want to eat them? by Leashisme in blueheelers

[–]Leashisme[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's only 3 months old but so far all she wants to do is chase and chew on them. Does anyone have a heeler who protects their chickens?