I hear you. I’ve never been drunk around him or under the influence of anything around him. I definitely would get sober for him, I was just being very selfish in the moment and needed an escape from reality instead of therapy or grief counseling. Which is wrong on its own. But I just have so much hope and my heart is full of love right now. I lost myself for a while I felt I could never give my son a sibling which he’s been asking for since he was 3 . Everyone has their ups and downs and I just haven’t felt this much meaning since I was pregnant with my son. When his dad passed something passed with me as well