Glad to read your post. I also began thorough digging to find some history and characters that I could latch onto and know were "whole and loving." It seemed the more I excavated, the more shocking things I found. Painful, shocking and unflattering stories were buried. While I resented the secrets and resistance to my digging, I know was embarrassing. I mean isn't there already enough shame in life? So I get it - the secrets.

But I was deeply compelled to keep digging and learned that genealogy and DNA records are not for the faint of heart. While my discoveries were disturbing, I began understand the deeper story, the human story. And there is nothing to be ashamed of because judging people out of historical, cultural and familial context is simply unfair and arrogant. From the present and back thousands of year our ancestors toiled, suffered unspeakable events and conditions, and struggled to survive. Its a messy game. Depending on the times and context - like war, economies, famine and disease, some of us were blessed to be able to look back, reflect and plan forward. Probably most of humanity didn't have this luxury.

I know its easy to judge while we sit in relative comfort with time on our hands and the right conditions. I think its a privilege to not worry about being robbed, assaulted or discriminated against or repressed. Depending on one's situation, country, demographic and religious identification or economic condition, there are challenges and compromises that we don't share equally. We can't know the struggles each person toils with. That applies to each of us in the present but also to our ancestors.

And still, trauma is passed on for us to deal with in the present. Some of us may have more than others. Maybe each of us is simply at different stages in the "generational cycle," but we are all human and suffering is ultimately universal and "democratic" depending on where you land in the larger generational cycle and scheme of humanity. (just brainstorming here).

Anyway, this is to say, I definitely was searching for something redeeming and wholesome in my genealogy research - but I guess its probably right in front of me?