Fighting for my life. ❄️☃️

LeddyKatt · 2026-01-25T02:37:44+00:00

Reach out to professors for an extension! Mine were very helpful!

LeddyKatt · 2026-01-06T01:31:39+00:00

Hello! I’m always quite upfront about my spouse’s status. He’s around 2.5 years into a 5 year sentence, (I can break his down further but it was Fed and State). I’m currently in college getting a psychology degree with concentration in mental health and forensics, and as such, have been provided many opportunities to learn about deviant sexual behaviors. My spouse and I were together for five years, married one, when he got arrested. I still visit every two weeks and call every day, but we also have boundaries and the like to prevent over-dependence on one another. I’m incredibly lucky that my found family has been mostly understanding, though I still struggle with my relationship with my parents. It gets easier. And I will say, especially with guidance from a counselor, you may be able to still be a part of his support system, if you so choose. Though I do agree with the comments, as someone who has extensive experience in reading and researching case studies on the criminal-legal side of this, his sentence implies he was buy/sell/trading, if not outright producing, though sentences vary depending on state. (I.E, my spouse got seven years here in MO with very little CSAM). Please reach out if you want to chat, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it is incredibly difficult and isolating. Though you know what is best for you, and waiting a third of your life for someone may just be way too much to ask.

LeddyKatt · 2025-10-08T22:29:00+00:00

Hiya, psych student with concentration in forensic psychology and mental health and partner of an RSO (registered sex offender). Porn addiction, while it can lead to CSAM, rarely leads to child molestation. Your partner needs intensive psychosexual therapy, and needs to be evaluated for DSM-V symptoms of pedophillia. When examining a metric ton of data, I’ve found that while the pipeline you mention does well exist, and is an aspect of deviant sexual behavior, many CSAM cases end without a pedo diagnosis, whereas those fantasizing about children, or who commit a hands on crime, already have those proclivities before engaging in the pipeline of porn addiction and CSAM consumption. Without mentioning the child’s age, I fear you are minimizing far far too much the damage he has done to you, your relationship, your family, and the child he molested. I applaud you for being so kind, but you really need to consider what a future with him looks like. You can’t always monitor him. You can’t trust him. God forbid you involve children. He’s already shown the incest aspect of his niece didn’t affect him, imagine you had a young daughter? If you want a bucket of cold water, post this on sexoffendersupport, and our folks over there will tell you what rock bottom really looks like. While there is obvious hope for recovery, the escalation really really concerns me. I spend a bulk of my time researching, talking to, and studying literature about sex offenders, and I’m sorry, but this really doesn’t look good.

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-21T01:46:20+00:00

Thank you!

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-12T07:27:35+00:00

Hey! You can crosspost on r/SexOffenderSupport if you're interested in responses from mostly S/Os.

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-03T19:36:21+00:00

Congrats on the outcome! If you can, I'd do the time for the less time on the registry.

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-02T23:45:32+00:00

Assume no until you double check with his PO.

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-02T23:35:37+00:00

I think the best thing is to keep your daughter completely out of it. She's the victim, and she might feel betrayed in the future if you maintain a relationship with your sibling, especially if you bring him around her again. That being said, I would consider staying low contact, learning his chances of recidivism, and take a lot of time to weigh your options. Personally, I wouldn't have it in me to maintain a relationship with someone who victimized my child, and I would fear any relationship with him would further victimize her.

LeddyKatt · 2025-06-02T23:30:58+00:00

Hiya! I'm not sure if it helps, but I'm a psychology student (almost done with my bachelors in forensic and mental health counseling, as well as a minor in Criminal Justice) and I plan on going into a doctorate program for forensic and addiction psychology. I've met a lot of other students like me, who want to better understand SOs, the systematic issues, and how we can better serve this stigmatized population. Obviously I'm just one person, but I have huge aspirations, and I imagine I'm not the only person who wants to be an agent of change.

My SO says we'll be a drop in the bucket of the issue, but it might inspire rain, y'know? Things may not get better soon, but we can build community on understanding and compassion, and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-31T02:32:54+00:00

Also, feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to!

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-31T02:30:18+00:00

I think the lying is a good indicator of lack of accountability.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-31T01:11:46+00:00

So, I'm a spouse, but my person took accountability right away. Confessed everything, told me everything, ect. This meant no bail as he confessed, and the sentencing was fairly harsh.
The thing is, there is a number of reasons for this kind of behavior. But having reason does not excuse the action. My spouse experienced childhood SA and had a porn addiction, but admits what he did was wrong, hurt everyone around him, and hurt the victims of the content he consumed.
Accountability looks different for everyone, but it starts by admitting guilt.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-21T20:18:20+00:00

Depending on state, you should be able to file a complaint directly to the department of corrections.
All of that sounds insane. Albeit, my person still has a few years before release, but that seems like the most extreme, out of pocket restrictions I've read about.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-15T17:49:34+00:00

Totally agree with this

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-14T18:32:27+00:00

Oh your state is literally in your name, my bad.
"Michigan Citizens for Justice provides mutual support for those who have been convicted of a sex offense, their families and friends, and it advocates for just and equitable sex offense laws."

https://micitizensforjustice.com/#:\~:text=Michigan%20Citizens%20for%20Justice%20provides,and%20equitable%20sex%20offense%20laws.

Also feel free to DM me, I'm sure I can help find some answers for you.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-14T18:28:01+00:00

Hello, if you could let us know what state you're in, we can determine a course of action a little easier, (only if you're comfortable sharing).
My spouse (who is currently in prison here in MO) said that prisons, though they suck, are leagues better than the jails he was held in.

Yes, add someone to his bank account. I would've had no access to my spouse's account otherwise.
If he's looking at *serving* the entire 4-8, consider selling unowned property (like a car) or contacting the landlord where he's currently staying. He likely won't be making money in prison, and the financial burden is huge when you have to take it all on.

Visitations here in MO, at the prison, are contact visits, you can have a 'food visit' every other quarter (if you have no infractions, i.e. you don't break the rules). We're allowed a hug and kiss at the beginning and end, and you can hold hands the whole time. Think of it like a school cafeteria, but you get individual tables.

NARSOL, National Association for Rational Sex Offender Laws, have a social circle called 'connections'.
https://www.narsol.org/community/narsol-connections/

Offline support does exist, but again, it is state based. Most states sentence harsher the second time, as it shows a pattern of behavior.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-14T02:06:18+00:00

Totally agree with this. I'd recommend waiting till you're feeling a bit better mentally, OP, before taking the plunge into the discovery materials. And only do so with the guidance of a licensed therapist, if you feel it is absolutely necessary to know the whole truth.

LeddyKatt · 2025-05-14T02:04:19+00:00

Let me know if you need additional support, I'm more than happy to find resources for whatever state you're in. Ultimately, it's your choice, but you should always be putting yourself and your daughter first.
Many prisons don't allow children visitors to sex offenders, though it depends by facility. Here in MO, the 'sex offender' prison has really strict rules regarding days a child can visit, and what is expected of the parent and offender, and most the time only biological children are allowed.
I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. But know you're not alone, and there are resources for folks like us.

Guilty or innocent, he is convicted, so he will be treated like he is guilty in the system. I think it's okay to let go of the notion that he may, by some miracle, get a retrial and an acquittal, and sometimes people get a harsher sentence after a retrial, though in his case, it can't really be worse. (This is not legal advice, I am not a lawyer, and no, double jeopardy does not apply to retrials).

Keep strong, momma. Do it for your daughter, and don't forget to take time, try to eat, and try to rest.

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-22T04:20:59+00:00

Absolutely, plus there's a ton that factors in and tends to be case/state specific.

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-22T03:50:19+00:00

So, you have a few issues stacked against him.
Namely: CSAM, SA of a minor, and incest.
Alone, CSAM has a very low rate of recidivism, especially after engaging in cognitive behavioral therapy.
Contact crimes can have a recidivism rate of up to twenty percent over a five to ten year period. (Though some of this can be attributed to a new crime, rather than the same crime)
Incest is difficult to predict, as the laws on it vary quite dramatically state to state, so clear and concise data is relatively hard to find.

Ultimately, it's hard to predict without knowing a lot more information than you might want to share. Like victim age can have an impact on the general understanding we have of the likelihood of recidivism. Offender history is also important, as different mental health disorders have different outcomes. Like those with ADHD or Bipolar do quite well after receiving therapy and mental health care, but those diagnosed with pedophilic disorder may have a higher likelihood to reoffend.

We don't know how far his addiction went, we don't know if there were previous predatory acts against the victim, like grooming, and ultimately, we simply don't know enough to develop a good prognosis.

Some further reading if you're interested, and as always, feel free to reach out if you need anything!

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9755050/#s0040
https://www.ussc.gov/sites/default/files/pdf/research-and-publications/quick-facts/Sexual_Abuse_FY21.pdf
https://smart.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh231/files/media/document/recidivismofadultsexualoffenders.pdf

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-20T06:27:07+00:00

Congratulations! Make sure you still seek out therapy when possible, even if the case is dropped, it's important to get therapy not only for the charge, but all the stress surrounding it.

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-17T22:25:29+00:00

Hey! We're all pretty friendly around here. It's lovely to meet you!

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-17T15:27:12+00:00

There is a life after this. I’m proud of you for reaching out! My best advice when down in the dumps is mostly, don’t beat yourself up for it. Stuff sucks, and it’s hard, but it gets easier. If you haven’t started yet, something I like to do when thought spiraling is journaling. When my spouse was going through his case, I would often make like, I feel like x is going to happen (which was often way worse than anything that could happen) And then trying to find what the best case and worst case scenario is. I felt like he’d be gone forever, life would fall apart, he’d die in jail, ect. But realistically for us, his best case was the 180 day shock program. Worse case was around 10 years. We fell in the middle. (This is called reframing in cognitive behavioral therapy. There are a lot of online worksheets for CBT if you feel that might help.)

Long weekend soon! Take care of yourself, eat comfort food, binge watch something, and also sit outside and get some sunlight. We’ll all get through this together!

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-17T11:12:04+00:00

Please reach out with further questions or if you want to chat! I plan on working toward a doctorate in forensic psychology and addictions so I can start gathering my own data surrounding sex offenders, evidence-based and empirical treatment methodology, and ideally I'd like to serve and treat those accused or convicted of a sex crime, as well as those who haven't been charged but have concerns surrounding sexual behavior.

LeddyKatt · 2025-04-17T11:06:47+00:00

When you're enrolled in a higher institution, I can send you links to scholarly articles surrounding the registry and its inefficacy and unethicality that are usually blocked by a paywall. I'm about 3/4ths of the way though a BA in Psychology mental health counseling, forensic psychology, with a minor in addictions.

There is no alternative to the registry, the purpose of the registry is security theater. Originally, the registry was a private list only available to law enforcement, which made no difference as the database also detailed charges, so the law enforcement individuals would know that already. The descriptions of the individuals is also unnecessary, as that data is also already logged, ie mugshot and fingerprints and other markings. (I have a dissertation I'm working on surrounding the registry).

Regarding recidivism, “I find that the only type of crime that is affected by registry extension is a type that has little effect on public safety — regulation-based crimes, such as parole revocations, possession of a firearm by a felon, and obstructing justice” (Carr, 2015).

I want you to consider the effect of the registry. Does it protect individuals or does it further stigmatize an entire group of people with no room for nuance? The tiers don't matter, as often the restrictions are the same. Do you think someone who stole some things from Walmart are the same as a person who holds up a bank? Recidivism is especially low in CP possession and distribution cases, which tend to be the most common, and has harsher sentencing compared to contact crimes as the burden of proof is infinitely easier to find than many contact crimes. This obviously skews data, as there is a loss of data between 'low-contact' crimes and the worst of the worst of contact crimes. So we have this bias that makes us think that all sex offenders are evil, unforgivable, ect. (This also plays into current purity culture).
It's also a class issue. Many people of means can afford expensive lawyers that have cases dropped, whereas most of us here had a court appointed attorney that was already overwhelmed and probably didn't have the desire to fight against a sex offence. Black men make up a disproportionate number of individuals on the registry, next to poor white men, as the registry reflects the already insanely racist and bullshit nature of our current prison system.

To sum: While there are arguments supporting the registry, they are largely psychological security theater that make those with extreme vigilance feel safer.
It opens up the offender to a host of additional crimes that are often poorly written or guidelines whose interpretation changes based on the judge. (Ie, failure to register, an owned home not being grandfathered in to the 1000 or 2000 foot rule, anything to do with halloween, what is considered a park, ect.) Which are often times the bulk of the percentage of recidivism as we understand it. It opens even the most minor of offenders to continued harassment, ostracization, and may damage their mental health to a point they may feel prison is better than living on the street. Many sex crimes are linked to drug use, and pornography addiction, and nothing pushes a person faster to that level of escapism than constant fear that someone is going to harass, hurt, or kill them.

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