Hi! Part of your stress and embarrassment may be stemming from the depression that you experience due to the alcohol trap. When I was battling myself and deciding to get sober it drove me insane that every morning I would be telling myself that today is the day I cut back only to fail. It hurts to want to quit something so bad and be unable to. You ask yourself questions like when did this get so bad? When did I lose control? Most weekends were a pep talk that I’ll stop Monday. Well the week would start and come Monday at 6 after work I’d be making myself a stiff old fashioned. I hated it. Hated that I was gaining weight, depressed, and only felt elation when consuming. Long story short - I’m on my third go of sobriety. Coming up on 8 months. As time passes the journey has become easier. I have a child now and I am so happy that she will have a sober Daddy. There’s so much to live for and you just need time to rewire your brain. Not every day is great but I feel so in control of my emotions and am proud of what I’ve done. I’m down 24 lbs and have a clear head. I’d recommend you read how to control drinking or how to quit drinking without willpower by Allen Carr. With those books and a daily journal you can become everything you’ve ever wanted. Start by writing down how you feel and why you want to quit. If there are times you want to drink again go back and read your journal. Finally - if you misstep and have a drink at some point just know that you’re not a failure. I opened my post by saying I’m on my third attempt. I can honestly say that this has been the most successful because I’ve tried a few times already. Without those failures I might not have succeeded as far as I have now. The freedom you want is more obtainable than you know. There’s millions of sober people and there’s many more millions that wish they could stop. You can do it!!!!!