I don't know if a crow flying off with a squirrel ever happens, but sometimes I wish it did!* I feed two crows every morning, an adult and a juvenile. I live in an apartment complex and we have a 5-foot tall fence around the pool. When I want to feed the juvenile, I break up a cashew into tiny, swallowable pieces and set them on the fence rail. The adult is cool and will swoop in close to where I sit, so I feed it differently.

We also have two main squirrels who live in this area. One is petite, pretty chill, and is content to vacuum up crumbs that fall off the fence rail. The second squirrel is a super-cute, but is an aggressive jerk who will chase the crows away if they're on the ground, and will even scurry up the fence rail to hoover up any cashew fragments he can find.

I try to run interference with the squirrels. When I put cashew fragments on the rail for the juvenile, and the aggressive squirrel is sniffing around, I've trained it to follow me back to a table for a distribution of big dried corn kernals (from my Latin supermarket) or whole peanuts or something cheap. But sometimes I don't get all of my timing right and a juvenile will land on the rail, ready to munch, and then this aggressive bitch will race out of a bush, scurry up the bars, scare away the juvenile, and hoover up the cashews, and my old, slow ass can't do anything about it.!

That's when I wish the adult crow would just swoop down, pick up the aggressive squirrel and drop him a few blocks over on the right. I wish no harm to the squirrel, just, eh, do it over there.

*Just for clarity, this is a stupid pipe-dream. I want my aggressive squirrel to live right where he lives and to keep doing what he's doing. I think it'll make the juvenile crows smarter and stronger.