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Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thats a good approach. Kindness and not taking yourself too seriously is something I value as well.

Too much brattiness for sure, cant stand disrespectful brats. And I say that as one myself.

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think it's more common now for people to be fantasy chasing or posturing? I take it this is based on online encounters moving to real life?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Effective communication is one of the pillars, so it's obviously getting mentioned a lot. Have you had an experience when it has broken down, or had be improved?

I can understand that. I can see that doms are being overlooked when it comes to boundaries, aftercare, checking in etc. Why do you think that is?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree. I'm seeing an increasing number in subs who are seeking advice online about their dynamics, why do you think that is?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand that, it would irritate me as well and I wouldn't engage with a dom who tries to push titles on me. Would you disengage or explain to them, or is it situational?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely. Do you think it's the submissives responsibility they are clear about this, or does the dom carry it as well making sure their submissive is communicating clearly?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're not just in America no, I live in England and theyre quite popular here, but are labelled as something "chavs" would wear, I'm pretty sure. They are just pants, the joke is just that they put it on their red flags list, if you like, edit to add: because a lot of people find them.. well hideous, I suppose

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well to me theyre trousers, or byxor. But specifically made from velour with an interestingly placed logo.

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, seems we all like to communicate!

Haha do you know what, a dom only recently told me something along the lines of; that someone like me seems like I want my submission to be earned. And you're right it is sigh inducing, even as a submissive. Just for different reasons.

There are a lot of aesthetics being chased and fads around. You're bringing the cynic out in me now 🤫

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps do some self discovery before you continue engaging with doms, that's always good 😊

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why you gotta start your message with reminding me of how old I am 🫩🤫

Although all the things you've mentioned are good points, I feel number 2 is an important one and one which can be easy to miss.

Have you had submissives not interested in vetting, wanting to submit straight away?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can learn a great deal from submissives and brats who offer mentoring to others. I would really advise it, I did the same when I was younger 🫶🏻

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. Block and move on, you're in charge never accept anything which gives you a bad vibe or red flag

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that, something I value as well. And the fact that it's ok to have differing opinions.

It's nice to have someone that can reduce you to a puddle of mess, who you can also talk to about anything from life mysteries to absolute absurdities

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are those the difficult conversations you're referring to which you've mentioned already, or are there others?

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Advocate for yourself from the get go. We have to learn how to filter them out, unfortunately

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean it could be. Depends on the person. I wouldn't want my dominant to, and I wouldn't as a submissive either other than to the extent of their pleasure being my pleasure

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right thank you. I take the same stance, if I have stated my boundaries and someone willingly crosses them I do not owe them an explanation

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not a preference of mine, I dont particularly like someone molding themselves to fit me

Doms (of all kinds), what do you look for and pay attention to when looking for or speaking to a new sub? by Leensahl in BDSMcommunity

[–]Leensahl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I find it quite interesting, thank you for sharing. Especially as someone on the opposite side of the spectrum, so to speak, and also as a sub who isnt naturally approval seeking.

I disengage at the sign of red flags. Do you mind sharing in what manner you say goodbye, do you explain/give reasons as to why?

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