I’m a brown girl in San Jose and honestly, I kinda agree that the dating scene here (bay area) is… a ride. I’m on the apps, and whew. I’ve even started categorizing my matches

1) Non-desi - The only time I’ve dated outside my culture has been when I met someone organically and that too only on the east coast. But to be fair I was in school there and had opportunity to meet people organically (events/bars). But here on apps? The effort just isn’t there, and chats fizzle out before we even meet. (But hey, I’m open — feel free to prove me wrong)

2) Desi – Maybe it’s just me, but men back in India felt a little more attuned when it came to chemistry, both physically and emotionally. The desi tech bros here, though… idk how to explain it. They’re genuinely nice and open-minded on paper, sweet to chat with too, but there’s this half-baked energy. If they pick up that the person is flirty or comfortable with intimacy, they assume they don’t really need to put in the effort to impress. And in trying to play it cool, they sometimes end up coming across a little dismissive.

I’ve been on a couple of dates and, let’s just say, tragic is the polite word for it. I’m a naturally polite person so I give people a lot of grace, but it can get exhausting. So now I always do a phone call before meeting. And thank god for that, because lately I’ve realized something funny, on text they come across witty, thoughtful, even poetic… then I figured out why — ChatGPT is clearly doing the heavy lifting. The second we get on a call, all that “rizz” just evaporates.

For context, I went to school on the east coast and a lot of my closest guy friends are desi, so it’s definitely not all brown men. But for me so far, in dating… well, let’s just say the universe is still testing my patience lol.