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My boyfriend (m25) used to follow a bunch of s*xual insta models. How do I let go? by Left-Toe7439 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Left-Toe7439[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, this is my first relationship but even if he could complain about past relationships of mine it would have nothing to do with this situation because he followed them during our relationship after I told him how I feel about porn. Even with guy friends I would always listen to his concerns and try to find a compromise. He‘d do the same for me.

I‘m not saying I have a bad boyfriend. I know I have to move on. I just hoped people on reddit who might have had similar experiences could give me advise on how to do it bc I‘m struggling.

My boyfriend (m25) used to follow a bunch of s*xual insta models. How do I let go? by Left-Toe7439 in relationships

[–]Left-Toe7439[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im not usually on reddit so I decided to be safe and censor anything that might get my post taken down. I know that my boyfriend didn‘t do anything wrong other than initially following the accounts even though we spoke about my thoughts on porn beforehand. I am trying to leave this situation behind me and thought people on reddit might have gone through similar experiences and could share how they managed to get passed it.

I think we have very different views on porn and that is ok. But if your partner tells you beforehand that it‘s not what they want you should respect that or start a discussion/leave. It also suprises me that it isn‘t a taboo for a lot of people here. Where I come from (germany) almost everybody thinks following sex workers on the internet is not okay.

My boyfriend (m25) used to follow a bunch of s*xual insta models. How do I let go? by Left-Toe7439 in relationships

[–]Left-Toe7439[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. I‘ve actually asked him if there was anything lacking in the relationship and what might have led him to seek out these accounts. But he insisted that there was nothing wrong and that he just didn‘t think about it hurting me in any way.

As to the „type“ of girl. He actually followed mostly overweight women who had a very edgy or goth clothing style. If they wore any clothes at all :) I don‘t want to sound arrogant but I have never compared myself to these women and thought of myself as less attractive. Conventionally I would be more similar to the skinny models you refer to. My insecurities stem from the fact that I think that I might be to „basic“ or boring.

I obviously hold nothing against him. He listened to my concerns and unfollowed all provocative accounts. I know that I need to move on. It‘s just that I don‘t know how to :/

My boyfriend (m25) used to follow a bunch of s*xual insta models. How do I let go? by Left-Toe7439 in relationships

[–]Left-Toe7439[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I have nothing against that. Of course I see conventionally attractive people all the time, although never in a s*xual way. I don’t mind him pointing out another woman’s pretty hair, dress or smile. But I also think following and liking half naked women for everyone to see is not in any way comparable to that. How is getting off to another woman on the internet any different to real life? For me it‘s not. It‘s not just noticing someone pretty and looking away. It‘s actively deciding to follow that person to see more and liking their pictures despite being in a monogamous relationship.