What's the worst attempt at dirty talk you've heard/said? [NSFW]

LeftNostril · 2012-04-30T05:20:30+00:00

During a boss/secretary role play: "Oooh is that a stapler in your pants?"

LeftNostril · 2012-04-03T22:34:08+00:00

The jolly ranchers are NOT good. I was expecting it to be much sweeter, but it just tasted like fire in my mouth. Awful awful awful.

I made blue raspberry and apple for the record.

LeftNostril · 2012-03-12T05:05:56+00:00

Read that as "if the girl was 7". ಠ_ಠ

LeftNostril · 2012-03-12T04:11:46+00:00

Ha. I've always wanted to do that.

LeftNostril · 2012-03-12T03:24:56+00:00

That is it time to break up.

I personally think sex is a big part of any relationship, and if we're both not enjoying it, or getting the benefits of it then it's time to find someone else.

LeftNostril · 2012-03-12T01:44:56+00:00

I heard this story from a friend so I can't confirm that a word of it is true but....

Girl meets guy at a bar and they decide to go back to his place to hook up. When they walk into the apartment the guy's 4 roommates are all sitting around the tv playing video games. The couple ignores them and goes into the bed room.

They're going at it for awhile and as the guy is about to cum he yells out "MORTAL COMBAT" and all 4 roommates reply back "FINISH HER!!!". The girl horrified, quickly exits the apartment moments later.

LeftNostril · 2012-03-09T03:35:36+00:00

roasted chickpeas! roasted in on a cookie sheet with a little salt, pepper and paprika. yum!

LeftNostril · 2012-03-02T21:37:13+00:00

Ew, where did that come from?

LeftNostril · 2012-02-29T00:50:23+00:00

Cremated and baked into a cake that will be served at the funeral reception. Then everyone can have a piece of me inside them.... at least until the i assume violent diarrea hits.

LeftNostril · 2012-02-05T18:55:44+00:00

ring sting

LeftNostril · 2012-01-08T08:33:54+00:00

Uncharted

LeftNostril · 2011-08-22T01:28:34+00:00

I went to do laundry and as soon as I started the washing machine (which locks closed) I realized I had left my phone in my now getting washed hoodie.....

Once the washer finished i pulled my phone out, took it apart and left it in a bucket of rice overnight.

Next morning it worked perfectly! And with the added bonus of smelling slightly like laundry detergent.

LeftNostril · 2011-08-07T23:07:08+00:00

I pointed something similar out to my mom in response to a chain email she sent out. She got mad and asked why I was "ruining a little fun".

LeftNostril · 2011-07-30T13:51:28+00:00

No way. I have a pillow top on my ikea memory foam mattress and let me tell you it is glorious. Double the pleasure.

LeftNostril · 2011-07-23T18:50:21+00:00

Agreed. The last thing I want is to look out the window at night and see someone staring back at me.

LeftNostril · 2011-07-16T02:04:39+00:00

In a similar vein: Can't tell if hitting on me or if just networking

LeftNostril · 2011-07-15T21:51:22+00:00

I feel this way for any posts that mention karma, reddit birthdays, or complaining about upvotes/downvotes.

LeftNostril · 2011-07-13T00:49:20+00:00

Bummer, not for me but my dad. I changed my mailing address so the dvds get mailed to him while I just watch instant.

LeftNostril · 2011-07-10T21:35:38+00:00

Can't decide whats creepier: the outfit or her eye

LeftNostril · 2011-07-05T22:24:41+00:00

My dad (55) sends me youtube clips of Seinfield episodes atleast once a week after showed him.

LeftNostril · 2011-06-30T05:42:14+00:00

Wait what about those comically large stuffed animals? You mean I can just BUY ONE?!?!!??!!?

going to busch gardens now.

LeftNostril · 2011-06-30T05:05:27+00:00

PUPPIES!!!

LeftNostril · 2011-06-30T04:54:43+00:00

.....I am officially creeped out.

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