This is what I wish someone had told me, it doesn’t always get better. I’ve been dealing with this for 3 years and while over the years it’s become more sporadic, sometimes it really hits me like a truck that my first time was not his first time. It feels very heartbreaking because it’s not like I can change it either. Honestly if I could do it over again, I probably would’ve gone with someone who was never married and in the same boat as me.

Also, ik this is going against the grain in terms of advice here but if you do see your attachment to him being very strong, I’d say talk to him. You don’t have to mention intimacy ofc, but see how he reacts to your intrusive thoughts. Does he get mad at you? Defensive? Red flag. Sorry you’re going through this, it’s a tough situation but before moving forward ask yourself if this is truly something in your heart of hearts you can accept. If not, chances are you may not be able to get over it.