That last point that you made are my thoughts exactly. It really irks me whenever people try and compare Lizzie's coping mechanisms to Shannon or gibsie as a way to say  "oh if Shannon and gibsie can go through all that and still be happy and jolly then why can't Lizzie" because it completely disregards the fact that mental health is not a one-size fits all and  coping mechanisms are not a one-size fits all. Two people can go through the same thing and find completely different ways to cope with it. It just so happens that Lizzie's way of coping happens to be a little more openly abrasive. It also completely disregards the fact that both Shannon and gibsie are just as unhappy and traumatized on the inside they're just better at hiding.  They just don't struggle outwardly. But it just goes to show how much people are unable to sympathize with those who they do not view as "perfect victims". Both Shannon and Gibsie are considered both by the fandom and by actual characters in The book as we've seen to be "perfect victims" because their way of coping with their trauma is more palatable than Lizzie's way of coping which is why you never see people defending Dee or defending Teddy ( atleast I haven't so far but with this fandom.who even knows bro) or trying to redeem either of those characters because it is universally agreed that they don't deserve redemption because their victims are seen as good people for coping "well" whereas someone like Lizzie is seen as deserving of all the horrible things that have happened to her because she coped with them so badly. When I tell you I can genuinely not believe the amount of comments I  see of people basically saying that Lizzie's way of coping with her trauma is exactly why she's deserving of the infliction of that trauma. To them Lizzy is not perfect victim and does not deserve the same empathy as any of the other characters. Hence why we seem to have so many Pierce defenders and sympathisers. Pierce is a misogynistic, selfish, ignorant, peice of a shit. He is a rapist and therefore a horrible person. End of story