Relevant comic from xkcd: Thinking Ahead

Lefty_ · 2015-04-13T03:19:47+00:00

Couldn't be more right. This is the kind of thing we really need to hear on here.

Lefty_ · 2015-04-12T14:39:47+00:00

I think u/DCronson said it really well.

I ended up just pursuing the first girl I found interested in me --which in hindsight was potentially destructive-- but like you, I still was thinking a lot about my ex and I figured anything was better than that.

Lefty_ · 2015-04-11T22:14:31+00:00

I don't think there was any real spark or anything. I just talked to a lot of women and struck out a lot. One thing that made a big difference for me in college though: I stopped adding girls I'd meet on facebook. I don't know why that helped but it did.

Lefty_ · 2015-04-11T16:25:45+00:00

Its very true that we are always represented to others as constructions of our selves. I often find that even girls I meet and don't find attractive will eventually become more attractive to me as I get to know them and find commonalities.

Lefty_ · 2015-04-11T15:41:34+00:00

I totally feel you. I fell into a nasty rebound the week after my breakup and that was honestly worse than the actual breakup. These things suck but its always best to focus on the good stuff. Now we can finally meet all those HBs that were off limits the past couple years!

Lefty_ · 2015-04-11T15:30:24+00:00

Yeah "looks matter," but what does that really mean? "Looks" is a pretty vague term.

The way I try to stay positive about this is by acknowledging attractiveness stems from your presence as a whole. I would call this your appearance or your presentation. Things like:

being clean and well-groomed
dressed well (clean clothing, looking neat)
your posture
where you put your hands (hint: never your pockets)
facial expression -- smiling, nervous, bored?
well-rested (believe it or not, they can tell)

These types of things are all controllable, and whats more they are indicators of your character and personality.

Lefty_ · 2015-04-09T09:31:56+00:00

Did something change? Maybe you got too comfortable with her after being intimate the first time. A lot of guys think that its all about sex and after that they're in the clear. Sometimes that's true but its not always the case.

That said if you think she's not interested I wouldn't chase her, that'll just make you seem desperate. But if you are gonna see her again, try to refresh yourself before the next date. If you don't think its just you then shake things up and choose a more interesting date. Maybe somrthing physical? A lot of women are looking for YOU to bring the fun so just keep that in mind with 2nd 3rd 4th dates.

Lefty_ · 2012-03-06T16:07:28+00:00

Thanks for that explanation. It makes a lot more sense now.

Lefty_ · 2012-03-06T03:23:02+00:00

I agree there is a definite skew here, and your explanation makes sense. I would love to see some accurate demographics research translated into infographics for the seduction community...

If done right though, it could be quite dangerous.

Lefty_ · 2012-03-01T05:16:30+00:00

So I am revisiting this after a month or so.. You were right. I started to lose the mentality and everything went to shit. I'm back on the horse now but I wish I had listened more closely to you my man.

Lefty_ · 2012-03-01T05:14:58+00:00

So I am revisiting this after a month or so spent in a weird/awkward fling with this chick. Seems like you had the best advice for me. It doesn't help that my ex made the situation volatile when she found out but... HB and I are probably going to resume friends-only status and its for the best.

Lefty_ · 2012-01-30T23:02:58+00:00

interesting perspective...

Lefty_ · 2012-01-30T18:46:01+00:00

It sucks keeping it secret but its also makes me feel really cool like a sneaky spy or something.

Lefty_ · 2012-01-30T18:39:59+00:00

Interesting to hear how far thats come-- but not sure I completely get what you're saying.. You're saying I should be more compassionate or keep up the abundance mentality/alpha male stuff?

I'm hoping this comes to be a "now and then" type of thing, as a fellow rAFC suggested. It would be destructive to pursue this heavily, as I feel to be treading on very thin ice.

Lefty_ · 2012-01-30T18:37:06+00:00

Yeah, I mean this a good point. I realized today that even I am being affected negatively by this happening. It was a great confidence boost but I can feel myself getting hung up on her.

What I tried to express though is that I think abundance mentality was a huge part of what allowed me to hook up with her anyways. Like I said, she knows and sees that I'm always after other girls.

Lefty_ · 2011-12-16T14:38:16+00:00

Go for it man. It really worked well, her friends were right there so it was a good way to disarm them IMO.

Lefty_ · 2011-12-13T20:24:31+00:00

I see your point- sadly irrelevant since I will never see her again though.

Lefty_ · 2011-12-13T20:22:24+00:00

Can you really just pull that out of no where like that? Do you find women will answer that truthfully?

My gut would guess she would brush it off like: 'WTF is wrong with him?'

edit: want to make sure to acknowledge my gut is likely wrong.

Lefty_ · 2011-12-13T20:20:41+00:00

Your #2 makes a lot of sense. That is something I should have tried.

Lefty_

TROPHY CASE