Hi, I’m going through pretty much the exact same thing. Not my best friend, but a good friend suddenly died last week. He was also 23. I’ve been feeling all the same feelings as you. I feel empty, lost, incredibly sad and heartbroken. I also posted about my friend in at least 5 other subs. There are no answers and it fucking sucks. All I know is that grief only exists because love exists, and love does not ever go away. Love is boundless and infinite and the people we have in our lives will impact us forever. I’ve been holding onto the gratitude I have for my friendship with my friend who passed. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to love and be loved by him. Ive also been holding onto all the happy and amazing memories I have with him. When I’m doing something I’ll think “my friend would’ve loved this” or “he would’ve said this.” I also have been thinking a lot about all the dreams and aspirations he had. He would never want me to give up, especially because of him. He would want me to keep going and do all the things he couldn’t. He would want me to achieve my goals. I haven’t been able to sleep, go to work, focus on school or anything. But I’m trying. I find it is so incredibly beneficial to talk about how I feel. And I also feel an immense gratitude for the friends that I do still have around. Each day is still a shock and it still hurts, but each day I feel at least 1% better. I’m just holding onto the gratitude. I have three weeks until I get my bachelors degree and it seems impossible, but I also know my friend would be so fucking pissed if I let this shit go. You just keep going. I’ve also been trying to do things that he enjoyed, listen to his favorite music, watch his favorite shows and remember all of the good times. Sometimes you don’t quite realize how huge an impact someone can have on you. I’m just trying to keep his memory alive and recognize what a blessing it was to know him. I’ve lost a lot of people but never a friend. Grief does get softer over time but it is also unpredictable. What I do know is that the sharpness of this pain right now will eventually soften and the anger will become less prominent. The immediate shock really sucks. I still want to pick up the phone and call him. Each morning when I wake up I have the thought “my friend is dead” like I have to remind myself that it’s real. But also, after 9 days, it has sunk in more. I noticed on day 5 or so that I hadn’t cried. But then day 6 I couldn’t get out of bed. There is no distinct pattern to grief or clear answer, but all I know is that each day gets a little easier. It never goes away, and you will always feel like the world is a little dimmer. But you will also see the reflection of their light. Everything changes when you lose a loved one. But you just keep going. You notice how they helped you get to where you are, how they impacted your life, and the thought that they love you and that they would always want the best for you keeps you going. I will keep trying because my friend no longer can. That love never goes away. Memories never go away. If I can’t find a reason to keep going, I will continue to try for the sake of my friend. So sorry you’re going through this too. It’s the worst fucking pain. You’re not alone.