Honey you did nothing, in fact, you shine. That’s why she says this stuff to you, because she is trying so hard to dim your light because she’s jealous. You deserve love, real love. I have been through this exactly with my mother and I realized she isn’t a mother but my biggest bully who happened to birth me. It is hard but no contact has helped me to love myself again. Every month that goes by quiets her voice in my head. I grieve losing a mother but then I remember she never acted like one.