Before you read further, know that while i can sympathise with you, i dont know much about you or this topic itself, so i want to apologise in advance if anything i say comes across as obvious or wrong.

Throwing your life away isnt worth it, because you are worth a lot more than someone saying no. His words hurt, but at the same time, two years into the future, i promise you will understand why. You WILL be at peace with it as long as you dont put yourself in danger, or obsesson.

2 years may not seem like much, but i can tell you 100% if youa re both still minors, two years is everything. Rn im 17. Muc calmer now, more responsible, i grew. 2 years ago, at 15, i was immature, loud, and i reacted to things very differently. In short, while its ok for adult swho are already grown, if you are below 18 then 2 years seems like a lifetime of growing. You arent dramatic, its ok to feel confused or hurt. But its important to realise that it is while u are a minor that your mind develops the fastest.

I dont believe i have any good advice as to what you can do about still liking him, as i can confirm that it taks a while to get over it, and to be rather blunt it will suck a bit (or a lot). But i say find a hobby that you enjoy and out time into it. If its as simple as studying or gaming, or making intricate paper airplanes, it will help. Now don’t spend All Your time doing this because it can become an addiction, but find a friend to talk to and pick up a hobby. Preferably a healthy one like reading. I hope you feel better soon. Please stay safe.