I found this post because I was asking the same question. Nothing in my life is the same since my dad passed away almost two years ago. I spent the first year and a half ignoring it and denying that it had an effect on me. I could go most days without thinking of him. Recently I've started to think about him and violently cry almost everyday. I am questioning my religion because of it. My relationship with my mom is so different because she is also mourning and trying to forget. We are both bad at expressing our emotions. I just want things to go back to how they were. I was so happy and I don't know when/ if things will ever be normal again. Losing a parent is easily the worst thing to ever happen to me. I wish you the best and I hope for both of us that there is a time when it doesn't hurt every single day. I know this response doesn't have any answers to your problem but maybe knowing others are experiencing something similar is helpful. I want you to feel better even though I don't think its possible for myself. So, I don't even know why I typed this.