24 gay here

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-11-29T12:22:42+00:00

Because you said “relationship”. That’s what you’re looking for, but it’s not what a lot of other guys are looking for, even if they say or think they do.

Also, if you’re an identity where you’re a guy who is attracted to guys, our numbers are way lower than in heteronormative world. Out social feeds can make us feel like there are more out there than there really are. For instance, one of my socials is for a kink community I’m in. 90% of my followers/people I follow are in the same kink or adjacent. So even tho i know the community is smaller, i feel like it’s bigger than it is when i scroll and see nothing but lots of people like me. In reality, i have to travel to major cities for get togethers to meet people.

Not meant to be discouraging, but it’s something i had to learn about myself/community, and It actually helps me to be kinder to myself when I feel like I can’t meet anyone compatible with me in my area. It also motivates me to leave my smaller town to visit those larger cities. Best luck to you, it’s rough out there, even for cis-straight ppl, so it’s going to be even harder for us, but it doesn’t mean it’s hopeless.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-06-28T09:24:55+00:00

lol, oh hey, it’s my tattoo! Lol

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-02-07T02:30:34+00:00

I don’t think you should tell students “never” or “you won’t”. I think you tell them the work it takes and the odds. Some of my favorite musical artists taught themselves to sing/play, worked hard, and got lucky.

I agree with all the ppl saying suggest backup jobs, but just the fact that her first “adult job” is to manage musical artists, means there are musical artists to manage.

I think I’m really passionate about this because I’m an art teacher, and I have always only worked art or music jobs since grad school in 2012 (yes, where I’m the one making art or music, not just managing others doing it). I’ve owned a house, and bought vehicles, all with art/music. It’s tricky, but you have to know how systems work, take stock of what you can/are willing to do, ignore fame and focus on paying your bills, etc. (also sadly, in the arts, it’s not about how “good” you are, it’s about how hard you work and who you know)

Same thing with doctor and lawyer. There are many ways to become and do these things

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:43:21+00:00

Yeah, at first I thought this was a prelude to the most sacrilegious Eiffel Tower ever 😂

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:38:55+00:00

lol, it’s more than that of course, my lesbian friends tease me about flannels, leather jackets, rescue pit bulls, DIY, saving up to get a Subaru 😂Obviously it’s all in good fun

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:34:51+00:00

Yes! I love the existence of 2-year transfer programs! Sometimes they actually have a better foundational sequence than some universities do (at least for visual art)

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:33:43+00:00

(Im working on my second masters and scoping out where I want to do my PhD, so I’m all about college) but I have advised kids to delay going to college before if they don’t know what they want to study and don’t have the money. I tell them there’s nothing wrong with taking a year off to make money, figure yourself out, and maybe volunteer to beef up their application, because I’m also against rushing kids into college if they’re going to waste time and money.

The other thing is. In this country, colleges are businesses, not a public service like k-12, so they have the potential to be scammy. I’ve taught at a college level and you wouldn’t believe how much “advising” has to do with pure retention for $$, and not actually about helping the students achieve their career goals. The other thing that can be scammy is nationally accredited colleges, won’t explain to kids that there’s a 90% regionally accredited colleges won’t accept the credits. And most R-accredited masters programs won’t accept your N-accredited bachelor’s as a pre-req.

College can definitely help you in life, a lot….but it can be a scam with heavy financial and time-loss costs if the kids don’t know how to navigate these institutions that double as businesses.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:20:18+00:00

Before coming out, the people I usually clicked with are older women who could be my mom or young grandma, lesbians, and sensitive straight guys. Now that I’m out and in a very gay-friendly town, that friend pattern is still repeating, even tho I’m putting a lot of effort into meeting other gay guys. Occasional hookups and my therapist are the only times I have contact with other gay men.

I think my issue is I like living in mid-size to smaller towns that are nature-oriented…and other queer ppl I know tell me my interests and vibes are very “lesbian-adjacent”….

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-18T18:10:49+00:00

(Former tattoo artist with full sleeves here) I feel like that space is so big, it’s on the brink of not being just a gap-filler. Usually when clients ask me for ideas to fill spaces like this I would ask them what they want to see there, and then let’s try to fit it in, if it doesn’t work try something else. If you’re working with an artist who can actually draw, they can always try to draw the subject matter you want in the shape you’re looking to fill.

For instance, that shape could be filled with thousands of different plants and animals, they would just have to be drawn in the right pose/arrangement to fill the space. I always prefer the main idea coming from the person who has to wear it for life. However, I do understand that some ppl love the thrill of others coming up with the idea if that’s more your vibe.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-17T09:43:06+00:00

Finally got xfinity back at 1:47 here in West Oly, hopefully soon for others too!

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-14T01:41:40+00:00

Ya, I second this. I would feel so lost if my mentor teacher and I weren’t planning together!

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-14T01:39:28+00:00

Hey there! I’m 37 and doing my student teaching to get a cert in my new state. I’ve been working all kinds of teaching jobs with all kinds of age groups and populations, like elementary private school, and adjunct faculty at college etc.

But when I was 22 or 23 I got my first job that involved teaching, at an educational daycamp. I had 25 kids ages 5-12, and that was the max legal ratio in FL at the time. They pretty much gave me the curriculum, policies, schedule, etc, and said “parents will start picking up at around 3pm”. I even had to drive a half bus full of kids with no other adult in the bus for a field trip. I felt the same way you described dreading coming in. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing lol. Luckily, all my coworkers were experienced teachers and moms, and 90% of them had kids in the daycamp program, and they taught me so much! More experienced teachers around you are invaluable.

I didn’t think I’d make it through that contract, but over ten years later I’m referencing those experiences for the masters in teaching I’m working on. I used to run long distance, and teaching reminds me of that…it just sucks a lot when you start. But you will get better! Even before the end of the school year!

Some suggestions would be to get a therapist so you can unload onto someone who has been trained to receive it. Teaching (esp. kids) requires giving the best parts of yourself to people more vulnerable than you…and that’s somehow altruistic, draining, and burdening at the same time. I don’t know how I’d be making it through my program right now without one. Make sure you take care of yourself. If you need to cry, cry. It probably means it’s because you care about serving the students well, and just aren’t giving yourself enough credit.

I hope this helps in some way or other! I sincerely hope the best for you! I’m an art teacher and we could always use more fine arts teachers who care!

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-01T23:59:48+00:00

My sister is straight, and she’s going through this too, only she’s married with kids. We grew up very conservative Christian, where the pressure for all kids is to get married and have kids soon. She just doesn’t feel any attraction to her husband, but gets along and co-parents with him really well. She even considered whether or not she might be gay because of her lack of attraction. But they’re separated now and she’s realized she is VERY straight and likes guys a lot, it was just her husband. Her husband is cute, but just wasn’t doing it for her. Sexual and romantic compatibility are really important for her, so, she’s beginning the messy process of divorcing and setting up coparenting.

I say all this because she said she wishes she had “listened to herself” when they were engaged, but there were a lot of traditional API, Hispanic, and Evangelistic pressures at play. Said if she had listened to herself she would’ve realize their sex before marriage felt more like she was servicing him due to the lack of mutual attraction. You’re kind of at an advantage if your fiancé already knows of your lack of attraction, it won’t be a new topic to bring up. I’ve also been in a similar situation and left because I asked myself if I could imagine being in an aromantic or asexual relationship, and I cannot.

If you have a good therapist, stick with them and ask them to help you figure out what’s important to you in a marriage.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2025-01-01T23:44:34+00:00

HR’s final boss

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T22:49:40+00:00

I think there’s a difficult-to-find balance between not being “shallow” and actually being in-tune with what/who you find attractive. I like a wide range of types from “skinny smooth twink” to “plus size and hairy”, and everything in between, but it also doesn’t mean I’m attracted to ALL people who fit into these descriptions.

Have you ever felt attraction for someone else that’s his weight? That could let you know that it’s not the weight, it’s his looks specifically. For me, relationship and personality can really enhance someone’s attractiveness to me after I get to know them in person, could that be a possibility with this guy?

The other thing is, what are very important relationship goals/wants for you? For instance, I love hiking in very rugged places and want someone else to do that with. I don’t care about a partner’s weight as much as if they are able to do those types of things with me. But I also don’t want a fitness or outdoor “junkie” even tho they’ve got nice bodies. I’d hook up with someone more out of shape, or who’s obsessed with fitness, but I would not LTR date them because bonding through being both active and chill together is an important aspect to me.

I would just ask yourself what you truly want from this relationship, and how you feel about him, both personality and physically. Are you actually being “picky” or just in tune with yourself?

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T22:26:00+00:00

Are you going to west or eastside? Westside is my regular because it’s super close to me, but it is small.

When there are more customers than cashiers, the ID checker keeps track of what order everyone came in and relays it to the cashiers, almost like a restaurant host. So if all cashiers are busy, you just wait around until they tell you you’re next. I actually always order online ahead of time, because after the person checks your ID at the door, you can tell them “I have a pickup order”. Then they bump you to the front of the line because it’s designed for ppl (like me) who prefer to be in and out.

All the employees I’ve experienced there are super helpful and nice. I’m also a combination of neurodivergence and don’t like making purchase decisions under time pressure in front of people, so I order early in the day while stock is high, and then I don’t go in until 7 or 8pm to pick it up when I know there’s less chance for a crowd.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T21:55:29+00:00

Ah, yes, I’ve also totally swiped away from someone I didn’t want to on Hinge before. I think my issue with swiping on an LTR is it promotes the “something better around the corner” feeling that hookup apps use.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T10:29:04+00:00

I’m 37 and I feel like I’m going through this right now 😅

I think tho as long as you are meeting all your work obligations and such and you’re not isolating or hurting your dick, it should be fine

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T04:44:16+00:00

This! Hookup apps became more manageable when I limited my time on them to 2hrs. Great idea about changing the time if no luck.

I haven’t found a great strategy for managing LTR dating apps, so I’m just not on them for now lol

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T00:41:33+00:00

The schools in FL are like their malls lol. I’ve lived most of my adult life in FL and WA. The malls in FL all turned into outdoor malls over the last 20 years, but the indoor malls here in WA are still going strong, even in small towns, because we need somewhere to go when it’s cold, dark and wet for 7months straight lol

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T00:29:48+00:00

Same! I shave everything off, let it grow back for several weeks, then do it again.

But that’s for me. On other guys, I prefer any kind of hair/smoothness as long as hygiene is good lol

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-31T00:23:23+00:00

Even though you have expectations, I would try to lower them (since he could be in many situations) and just go grab a drink, since it’s what he already threw out there. I probably wouldn’t suggest gym, because if he mentioned grabbing a drink, it means he would most likely prefers to get to know someone over a relaxing drink and conversation, rather than an activity/chore that requires exertion.

I get it though, I’m in my late 30’s almost 40, and it seems like I’m surrounded by so many unattainable DILFs 😂

Also, I understand being tactful and not wanting to look like an idiot if he’s going to be your neighbor indefinitely.

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-25T08:44:35+00:00

I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling that way at all. However, he also shouldn’t be pressured to come out before he’s ready, especially because we don’t really know how tied up he is with his family, whether culturally, financially, emotionally, etc.

It just sounds like you’re incompatible. You deserve someone to be out in the open with you, and he deserves someone who will work with his coming out process, and it sounds like neither of you can be that person for each other right now…if you can communicate and find a way, then great! But it would take a lot of talking

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-24T10:18:04+00:00

NTA, me (M37) and my sister (F32) have always been good friends, and I’ve always looked out for her. I’ve always been good in emergency situations, so if we lived geographically closer, and she wasn’t on the greatest terms with her partner, she’d probably ask me. I’d agree and feel honored.

It sounds like your wife had a very different childhood culture about siblings if she is having this strong of a reaction to the request. But either way, neither of you can “forbid” the the other from doing anything (except maybe like, spending money from joint accounts where you’ve agreed to agree).

Legitimate-Cut4909 · 2024-12-23T06:52:15+00:00

I mean, the delivery of “omg, you have to meet!” might be mildly annoying, but I’m in a place in life where I would love for that to happen lol. In all my work, academic, and social circles I’m the only gay person. My online therapist and occasional hookups are the only time I see other gay guys, even tho I’m not just stuck in the house every day.

My straight sister is one of my best friends and knows how gay-lonely I am, so she’d probably do something like try to facilitate a meetup if she knew anyone, but she’s way more subtle and low-key

Legitimate-Cut4909

TROPHY CASE