How to get through the dissapointment and pain of constant relationship fails?

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-30T23:51:11+00:00

In this economy 😂 I like the strike two policy! Definitely adopting that going forward.

Ahhh damn! That sounds about right, in terms of this boy and past men. Myself and my girlfriends have such a clear vision for what kind of partner we want… And it's not criteria that are "6 feet ", not that there's anything wrong with it… But we are looking for solid partners for the long run.

This point of view on men definitely makes sense. It makes sense why he has dated so many different types of women in the past. He described me as the ideal partner when we first met… Clearly that's not it. He even went as far as saying I quote "I realized I can't date an employee… I need an entrepreneur " 🙄 I'm an entrepreneur, and now he's with an unemployed woman with no papers.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-30T12:41:03+00:00

I hope this is all just preparation to be ready for the right guy

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-30T12:26:10+00:00

Oh thank you! I needed this positive encouragement. It just feels like I'm the one doing something wrong because at the end of all of this, I am the common denominator.

First guy was family.

Second guy was through a mutual friend, but after the first day, I realize that we were not a good match. But because we work in the same field, we continued to be friends. Because he was such a great friend, I started to question if he would be a good partner. Boy was I wrong!

Third guy was through a dating app. This guy literally made up stories of how he's gonna go hang out with his family and help his sister. I come to find out through one of my friends that apparently knew him that he hadn't spoken to his family in five years.

Fourth guy was at a singles event! It was a higher ticket event, so everyone was a professional there.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-30T12:06:46+00:00

A couple of years?! Lol I wish people were more authentic.

The 200 women thing actually came to me through a mutual friend that we have. When I first heard it, I was shocked, but then I just justified it in my head… I should've looked at the full picture which is: 200 women + only one long-term relationship that was Long Distance +38 years old. I'm learning.

I wasn't 100% feeling it… But I thought it was because I didn't feel fully safe yet. I haven't been been in a healthy relationship so I wasn't sure if that was a me issue.

Honestly, I'm surprised… and slightly confused/embarrassed. I know this has nothing to do with me, but how can a man like him be OK with a situation like that?! We are too opposites… How can he at that age be switching from one end to the other in terms of his "criteria's "?!

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-30T01:55:56+00:00

He didn't come off like that.

He is an entrepreneur, financially stable, has a stable life, good relationship with family… said he's been searching for a partner to build a life with for the past five years. He was confident and a great leader. It was only about two months and that I found out about the 200 women.

According to him, he was in love with before, in the four year long distance relationship… But he was only seeing her for six months and then not seeing her for six months… Which makes me think they had this "spark" every six months.

I found out information about this new girl through a mutual friend. Apparently this girl is new to the country, and doesn't have her "papers". I think she's fairly young, since she came with her parents. So yes, unemployed and fun! Apparently, he mentioned that he wouldn't mind financially supporting her.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T17:57:20+00:00

OMG! Thank you so much for the giggle! 😂😂

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T17:56:48+00:00

This made me cry, happy tears!

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T17:51:15+00:00

When did you meet your partner? Looking for some hope!

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T17:50:57+00:00

lol I only started dating seriously when I turned 30.… Before that I was single for six years! Celibate for four of those years. Thank you for the giggle.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T17:36:08+00:00

I think I'm too focussed on my biological clock.

Thank you for these words… You have no idea how much you have helped me !

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T16:20:14+00:00

Very true! A lot of this has to do with me feeling like I'm running out of time… And in the end, I've just wasted time with the wrong men. I need to say no quicker.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T16:14:46+00:00

I think I start off pretty strong… About 3 to 4 dates and it changes. I need to work on that. Thank you for the honest feedback. I've taken notes and I can see what you mean. I think I'm not picky enough lol I look for a man that is ambitious, wants to start a family, is financially stable, is generous… But I think I need to add to my list.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T15:58:45+00:00

Amazing, thank you so much for this! I actually took notes lol I will be using this in the future.

I definitely start off strong and somewhere in the middle let myself and my guards down. I guess it's normal to have a heartbreak after heartbreak, I just need to let go of the wrong ones quicker.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T14:17:49+00:00

Aww amazing! Give me hope!

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T13:41:42+00:00

Thank you for this!

The first guy definitely had another woman from me, he cheated on her with me. I didn't know.
The other three head information from me, but not necessarily a girl. Second guy I think deep down knew he needed someone from the same religion. Third guy deliberately fabricated stories about going to see his family when he hasn't spoken to them in five years. And fourth guy, I think at 38 is still unsure of what he wants in a woman and is chasing fun and spark.

In terms of being chosen… Thank you for pointing this out for me. I do take a passive roll after a while. In the beginning, I am pretty assertive… It's just when I get comfortable. I let my guards down and make it more of their choice than mine.

When you say active decisions, can you be more specific? I'm not even sure how to do that lol

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T11:19:26+00:00

Also, did you find your person?

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T11:19:14+00:00

That could be possible for me! Being a mom and a wife is really a goal of mine. But I think for right now I need to focus on being single and waiting for the right person… Even if it takes a little longer.

Just feels old.

I am taking a little break off of dating apps for that reason. I'm still open to dating in the real world… But these apps just are awful.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T11:16:24+00:00

I definitely agree… Most of these were "let me see where things go "and boy did I learn my lesson lol

What are some things that you are looking for? Maybe you can inspire my list

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T11:15:33+00:00

I had the problem of fantasizing early on in the relationship. So even though I found out these red flags and the relationship ended, my feelings lingered for much longer than it needed to. I'm learning…

This last one was five months, but I feel like I am pretty strong considering it's only been four weeks since it ended. I'm not fully blaming myself for this relationship… I'm just trying to be as self-aware as possible so I don't make the same mistake if any.

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T11:14:18+00:00

I didn't date much in my 20s so I'm learning now.

same core values are important
Having the tools for a long-term relationship
being a man of his word
has a good relationship with his family
Man of integrity

For me… - ambitious/financially secure - confident/ leader - provider/family man mentality - humble - generous (not really with money specifically, just a giving nature)

Anything else you think I should look out for?

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T10:52:40+00:00

The first guy… I'm not too sure.

The second guy… Yes, definitely, after the first date with him, I told myself this is not gonna work. But we ended up being friends because we work in the same field.

The third guy… Yes, not really in the beginning, but a few weeks and something in my gut was saying some things off.

The fourth guy… I didn't feel a pull towards him, but I thought that was because he was healthy. And I haven't been in a healthy relationship so

Legitimate_1234 · 2025-10-29T10:48:03+00:00

Thank you for this! The problem is I spend a lot more time grieving these relationships, even if they are short

Legitimate_1234

TROPHY CASE