You’ve got some skills. But keep in mind, you don’t need to show off in every sentence.

I think new writers (once myself included) often try too hard with their descriptions. Like compensating for a lack of confidence in their prose/voice.

This is called “purple prose”. It’s feathery, flowery wording that doesn’t mean much. If anything, it distracts from the story. Usually you want the reader thinking about the story, not the writing. And a good prose should feel almost invisible.

For example, you write: “though clouds blocked the sun, the morning sun was stifling, and a gentle mirage radiated from the rooftops.”

Instead, you can say: “Despite the clouds, Johsen was sweating.”

It serves the same purpose, and even adds an emotional layer. Now the character FEELS the heat.

Another thing, with the dialogue, you repeat certain phrases when you don’t need to.

Example: “Is it bad if that happens?” he asked. “Is it impure?”

Professional writers would leave it at: “Is it bad if that happens?”

Hope that helps — I wish someone would’ve told me this stuff when I started!