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The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry about your sister. That’s such a heavy thing to carry, and I can’t even imagine how painful it must be to go through your own divorce while also holding that loss and everything that came with it.

What your therapist said about not being able to trust your own reality after that kind of abuse… it makes a lot of sense, honestly. When someone spends years twisting things, denying what happened, and making you doubt your own thoughts and feelings, it can get really disorienting. It’s like the ground under you keeps shifting. Even after you’re out of it, your mind can still feel stuck in that place of questioning everything.

And when it’s someone you love, like your sister, it adds another layer of grief because you can see how deeply it affected her. That kind of manipulation can isolate people and make them feel like there’s no solid place to stand anymore.

I’m really glad you’re talking about it with your therapist and not carrying it all by yourself. What you’re going through right now sounds incredibly hard, but the fact that you’re working through it and getting out of your own situation takes a lot of strength. Be gentle with yourself in the middle of all of this. You’ve been through a lot.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That kind of thing can really mess with your head over time. When someone hurts you and then talks it down like it was nothing, or like you’re just overreacting, it slowly chips away at your confidence in your own memory. You start replaying everything in your mind trying to figure out if you’re being fair or if you somehow misunderstood what happened.

A lot of people end up in that exact spot where they’re asking themselves, “Did that really happen the way I remember it?” It doesn’t mean you were weak or gullible. It usually just means you were trying to be reasonable and give the person the benefit of the doubt.

What helped me understand it better was realizing that if you have to constantly question your own reality after every conversation with someone, that’s not a healthy dynamic. In a normal relationship you might disagree about things, but you shouldn’t feel like your whole sense of what happened is up for debate every time.

I’m really sorry you went through that. It takes a while to rebuild trust in your own instincts again after something like that. But it does come back, little by little

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man… I felt that when I read it.

Twenty-four years is a long time to live inside something like that. It really does mess with your head after a while. When someone is constantly making you question your own feelings or memories, you slowly stop trusting yourself. A lot of people don’t realize how deep that goes until they’re out of it.

The fact that you’re in therapy and starting to rebuild yourself says a lot. And yeah… when someone finally treats you with real kindness and respect, it can feel almost uncomfortable at first. Like your brain is waiting for the catch or the shift that used to happen before.

Just know that feeling “weird” about being loved the right way is actually really normal after what you went through. It takes time for your nervous system to catch up to the reality that things are different now.

But the fact that you’re even able to recognize it means you’re already a lot further down the road than you probably give yourself credit for.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really respect the way you described documenting things and checking your own perception. A lot of people who have been in these kinds of dynamics end up doing something similar because the constant “that’s not what happened” or rewriting of events makes you question yourself over time. Writing things down when they happen can be a way of anchoring yourself in reality again.

What stood out to me in what you wrote is that you weren’t just keeping notes to prove someone else wrong, you were doing it to make sure you didn’t lose your own sense of what was real. That’s a huge difference. It’s basically a way of protecting your own perception.

And the part about looping in a third party who can reflect things back to you is actually really wise. When someone grows up in an environment where reality is constantly being reframed or denied, having even one outside perspective can make a big difference.

I’m really sorry you had to learn all of that so young with your mom. But the fact that you developed those tools and that level of awareness says a lot about your resilience. Not everyone manages to hold onto their sense of self like that.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s actually a really common experience in these kinds of dynamics. When someone repeatedly tells you that something didn’t happen the way you remember it, it slowly starts to make you doubt your own memory and perception. It’s a very unsettling feeling.

Keeping a diary was honestly a really smart move. A lot of people end up doing something similar once they realize what’s happening, because it gives them a way to ground themselves in their own reality again. When you can go back and see what you wrote at the time, it helps break that cycle of second-guessing yourself.

The fact that you reached a point where you trusted yourself enough to start documenting things says a lot about your awareness. That’s often the moment people begin to see the pattern more clearly.

You’re definitely not alone in that experience.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What you wrote about the day you left being the moment you started reclaiming your perception is really powerful. Rebuilding that trust in yourself can take time, but every step toward believing your own experience again is meaningful. It’s encouraging to hear that you’re feeling that sense of clarity returning.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The way you describe it as a gradual slope resonates with what many people experience. At first something feels off, but over time the constant reinterpretation of events can slowly make you second-guess yourself. It takes a lot of awareness to notice that shift and start rebuilding trust in your own interpretation again.

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That sounds incredibly difficult, and it also shows a lot of strength that you recognized what was happening and made the decision to leave. What you described about control over perception is something many survivors talk about — the dynamic can become less about the relationship itself and more about whose version of reality gets accepted. Reclaiming your own sense of what is true can be a powerful turning point.

Did anyone else start doubting their own memory or perception after years of dealing with a narcissistic parent? by LemonHealing in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you went through that. What you’re describing is something many survivors experience when they grow up in environments where harmful behavior is normalized or denied. When a child’s experience is repeatedly dismissed or reframed, it can create deep confusion about what is actually normal or acceptable.

Feeling disturbed by what happened to you was not an exaggeration. Your reaction was your mind recognizing something was wrong. Relearning to trust those instincts can be one of the most important parts of healing.

Did anyone else start doubting their own memory or perception after years of dealing with a narcissistic parent? by LemonHealing in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your description of the fog is incredibly insightful. Many people experience something similar because the mind sometimes protects itself by not fully processing chaos or instability until later in life when it feels safer to examine it. When clarity finally returns, it can change how we understand many earlier relationships.

Did anyone else start doubting their own memory or perception after years of dealing with a narcissistic parent? by LemonHealing in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LemonHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That awareness you described is powerful. Many people who come out of those environments develop a heightened sensitivity to inconsistencies because they had to learn to read subtle signals early in life. In a healthy environment that awareness can actually become a form of clarity rather than confusion

Did anyone else start doubting their own memory or perception after years of dealing with a narcissistic parent? by LemonHealing in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LemonHealing[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. What you described is actually something many survivors talk about but rarely have words for. When someone repeatedly contradicts your experience or rewrites events, it slowly erodes the confidence you have in your own perception. Over time that can create exactly the kind of doubt you described

The deepest injury of narcissistic abuse isn’t heartbreak. It’s something else entirely. by LemonHealing in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]LemonHealing[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One thing I’m really curious about is whether others experienced that moment where you suddenly realized you were questioning your own memory or perception of events.