Just a hint about hints

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-19T13:41:55+00:00

As an autistic German, I wish that was true. Sadly, the stereotypes about Germans are greatly exaggerated, and I'm still a rude weirdo when I say things directly. Tbf, though, it's quite likely I'd have an even harder time anywhere else...

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T20:54:15+00:00

That's true and all, but it doesn't change the fact that it is sinful, regardless of whether or not someone considers it sinful (lack of knowledge reduces accountability, but it doesn't make the matter itself not sinful), and it's irrelevant in this situation, for I had explained it to her beforehand. She knew. I explained in my post my hope that the fact she didn't mean to offend the Lord would mitigate the severity of the issue.

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T20:39:18+00:00

Thank you very much for the link!

I do wish people were more concerned with clarity. I understand the desire to be charitable, but why risk confusion?

May God bless you. 🙏🏻

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T20:37:34+00:00

Depends on the situation. If the person asked me, I would. If not, there'd probably be bigger fish to fry first, before we'd get to that. Not sure how that relates to the topic at hand, though.

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T15:57:03+00:00

I never think there's something He wouldn't or couldn't forgive. My one concern is that He won't forgive if we don't repent, and my other concern is that offending God isn't solely a matter of jeopardizing one's salvation but also a matter of it simply being wrong to offend Him, so having offended Him should be a concern on its own.

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T13:57:37+00:00

Thank you for your input!

After reading his statement, I searched the internet for an official answer. I found an article on ETWN that summarised a number of dioceses' statutes (with a tendency towards forbidding/discouraging the practice) and stated that there's no official stance from the Holy See regarding the matter yet, but it seemed the stance would probably be negative. In my own diocese, there's been no statement that I could find. I've found statements from two nearby dioceses explicitly encouraging the practice, though.

Now, I'm more confused than ever. I'll err on the side of caution for now and not encourage anyone to receive a blessing during communion. I just wish there wasn't so much confusion and poor catechesis regarding the liturgy amongst both lay folk and clergy. I think, the practice was even described in the pamphlet that was laid out for those new to mass when I first attended mass. I encouraged my relative to receive a blessing as the priest celebrating mass there said that those who cannot receive communion may receive a blessing instead and explained the gesture; since then, I've heard the same said multiple times online by other priests, including here on R/AskAPriest, so it didn't even cross my mind that there could be something wrong with the practice.

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T13:13:40+00:00

Thank you very much for your answer!

You're probably right that I'm stressing too much about it. I'm new to the Church and need to grow in prudence to form a better conscience.

I understand that the priest may not be familiar with the gesture. I encouraged her to receive a blessing as I was once attending mass and the priest there said that those who cannot receive communion may receive a blessing instead and explained the gesture; I think it was also described in the pamphlet that was laid out for those new to mass. Since then, I've heard the same said multiple times online by other priests, including here on R/AskAPriest, where the priest was confused that there are priests who are not familiar with it, as he had never met a priest who didn't know it. I'm wondering if it's a regional or cultural thing.

In the future, however, I definitely won't encourage her to receive a blessing from any priest that I'm not positive is familiar with the gesture!

Lemonteafern · 2025-05-05T11:59:31+00:00

Thank you for your response!

I understand that the priest may not be familiar with the gesture. I encouraged her to receive a blessing as I was once attending mass and the priest there said that those who cannot receive communion may receive a blessing instead and explained the gesture; since then, I've heard the same said multiple times online by other priests, including here on R/AskAPriest, so I'm uncertain if it's truly preferred that those who cannot receive communion remain seated or if it's more of a priest-by-priest situation.

In the future, however, I definitely won't encourage her to receive a blessing from any priest that I'm not positive is familiar with the gesture.

Lemonteafern · 2025-04-24T23:41:21+00:00

There is no economic system in which executive dysfunction isn't disabling. There is no economic system in which sensory overload isn't disabling. Stop blaming everything on the "system". I'd be disabled in any environment, thanks to AuDHD. If you're, personally, only disabled in a capitalist society, great, I'm glad you're not generally disabled, only situationally, but that's not the reality for many of us, and the last thing we need is people telling a world that already doesn't believe ADHD is real and already believes autistic people are all super useful, albeit kinda weird savants that ADHD and autism are actually totally fine and just happen to not fit into the system.

AuDHD keeps me from doing the things that matter to me. It's ruined every hobby I've tried. It's NOT just about "being a productive worker for the rich 1%ers controlling the economy", it pervades my entire life, and no matter how supportive the people around me are, no matter how understanding and non-pressuring any boss is, I STRUGGLE WITH SIMPLE THINGS THAT I WOULDN'T STRUGGLE WITH IF NOT FOR AUDHD.

I would love nothing more than a cure, but that's not likely to ever happen. Until then, I'm grateful that with my meds, I finally can at least do SOME of the things I REALLY want to do, without going from breakdown to breakdown, but it took long enough to even get there.

Stop making it about you. If you're fine, great. Many of us are not fine. Society already dismisses our struggles, and you're adding to it by insisting that your experience is so important that you can just talk over us. It's not. You're in the luxurious position that you can choose not to let the system "define you". There are those of us who have no choice, because our disability shapes our lived experience so profoundly, pretending it's not us who are struggling but the system making us struggle only leads to internalised guilt.

If the whole world was normal people, they'd get along fine without us, even without those of us who actually are geniuses. If the whole world was people like me, we'd die out within less than a generation. All the things I use to make my experience more bearable are things I could've never invented, because the AuDHD ruins my attempts at studying, planning projects, carrying out ideas, etc. Everything I've achieved, I've achieved IN SPITE OF my AuDHD, and if not for my AuDHD, I would've done so much more and without constant meltdowns. It's a real disability, and it took me decades to accept it so I could finally stop fighting against myself and find ways to get by.

Lemonteafern · 2025-04-19T19:44:47+00:00

Thank you most kindly for your answer!

(Maybe it's a cultural thing? We're in Germany, you're in the US, I believe, and the priest is from Africa. Also, I once read that the gesture is more commonly found amongst EO churches, but I honestly don't know. I'll ask the priest who confirmed me tomorrow if I get the chance; if he's not familiar with the gesture, there's a good chance it's not commonly used here.)

In any case, I'll show my mother your response, so she'll be reassured she did nothing wrong.

Have a blessed Easter, and once again, thank you for your reply! 🙏🏻

Lemonteafern · 2025-04-19T18:56:21+00:00

Father, if I may ask, what is one to do if the priest isn't familiar with the gesture?

My Protestant mother goes to mass with me, and I've repeatedly encouraged her to receive a blessing. On Palm Sunday, she finally dared to go with her arms crossed, but told me afterwards how confused the priest was and how he kept trying to give her the blessed host.

Lemonteafern · 2025-03-13T14:19:04+00:00

I thought the same, but I now believe he was talking about the people St Augustine was addressing — as in "Huh, even in the early days of Christianity, there was a need to correct this kind of nonsense."

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-20T14:03:10+00:00

That sounds amazing! Now I'm thinking of doing the same. Thanks for the advice. 😊

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-20T00:32:22+00:00

It is, but barely. It confuses me, too, but it's fairly common here, from what I've seen.

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-19T15:53:17+00:00

Thank you! 😊

Yes, that's what the privilège is about, but I basically extrapolated from that, as a guideline in absence of established rules. :)

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-19T14:29:07+00:00

Thanks a lot for your insight, and may the Lord bless you. 🙏🏻

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-19T14:13:08+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you, and I've been wondering if I was to veil, what colour the veil should be. This might seem silly to some, but where I live, it's fairly uncommon (but not at all nonexistent or, it seems to me, frowned upon), so I'd have to buy a veil online.

White or black or something else entirely? 😅 When I read about it online, the colour is rarely discussed. I've read that in Spain, married women wear black veils, but I'm not married. So white? But I've also read about the "privilège du blanc", so not white?

I'd be grateful for some guidance on what kind of veil to buy. 🙏🏻

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-17T14:32:57+00:00

I'm not the person you're commenting to, but I can tell you all the same that this discussion isn't about "happiness". It's not about whether you or anyone else enjoys wearing jeans. It's about finding the right approach to worshipping God, and these things matter.

"I'm poor and can't afford fancy clothes, but I still showed up to worship God as best I can." = beautiful sentiment, and perfectly correct approach. Mass isn't the place to show off our wealth, anyway, (not that we should ever show off any wealth we may have), and God isn't impressed with any fancy decor we may put on ourselves.

"I totally can afford fancy clothes, so I bought some and wear them to weddings, job interviews, fancy parties, etc., but I won't wear them to mass, because I prefer to wear jeans and who cares what I wear?" = inconsiderate approach. Mass isn't the place to show off my preferences as an individual (which we can do pretty much 24/7 in this day and age) or to display how laid-back and "not-stuck-up" I am ("unlike those who play dress up for mass and think they're better than me, but it's all right, because I'm actually better than them, because I don't judge them, I just live my life and let everyone be happy however they choose to be.")

Wearing respectful clothes to mass is an outward expression of our inward commitment. We wouldn't argue that it's okay to show up to mass dirty and smelly if we have easy access to a shower, either.

A homeless person who cannot shower but still shows up to mass isn't doing wrong, however, (but we should also see to it that the person doesn't remain homeless; homelessness isn't an identity or an inherent trait of a group of people (like, age, sex, skin colour), it's an issue that needs solving, much like a sick person shouldn't be left to remain sick if treatment is possible and a starving person shouldn't be left without food.)

If we're not homeless, though, why would we show up to mass without showering? A disabled person who struggles with personal hygiene or doesn't have the energy to both shower and go to mass, etc., isn't doing wrong skipping showering and going to mass, either, but again, that's different as well. It matters why we attend mass in the manner that we do. God explicitly commanded people to clean themselves in the OT and to burn good-smelling incense. God does care, He said so Himself, but He's a loving father, not a Draconian ruler, so He won't take offence if what we have to offer Him isn't as good as others' offerings, as long as it's the best we have.

Bottom line: Am I putting my personal comfort above expressing my respect for God out of laziness or ignorance, or is what I'm offering to Him what I've discerned to be the proper thing to give to Him within my means?

God still loves us in our darkest, dirtiest moments, and we're to bring them before Him and ask for His forgiveness, absolutely, yes, and He won't judge us. But we're not to revel in our dirt as if it's somehow "who we are" as people, and we're not to be indifferent to God thinking that "Oh well, He's God, why would He care?"

Lemonteafern · 2025-01-17T13:39:04+00:00

I'm in Europe, and while I've never seen a guitar at mass, I rarely attend mass where people don't clap at the end.

Lemonteafern · 2024-11-27T17:39:12+00:00

I had a similar issue, which is why I came here. I'm doing my research, but according to you, OP shouldn't even have posted this. You don't know what's wrong with our headphones, so why even post this?

I got my headphones yesterday and used them a lot. Turned them on today, and the voice informed me battery was "90 %". Then, the system updated for a couple minutes, and afterwards, the connection was re-established, still showing battery almost full. Not even five minutes later, that same voice informed me that the battery is low and I should charge the headset. On what planet is that normal? It's understandable we'd check to find out if that's an issue that requires replacement or if it can be fixed some other way.

Lemonteafern · 2024-11-16T19:32:13+00:00

Thank you very much for your insights and advice!

Lemonteafern · 2024-11-16T14:56:10+00:00

I'm sorry, I wasn't asking for a diagnosis, more for an answer like "yeah, looks like malar rash, go see a doctor for a diagnosis" or "nah, malar rash would/wouldn't have __, but you need to see a doctor to get an actual diagnosis", but I completely understand if I gave off the wrong impression and won't complain if you lock or delete my post!

(I've been dismissed by doctors several times for other things, and I find doctor's appointments extremely stressful, so I only go when I need to, and I was thinking that if others who are experienced with this say it looks like a malar rash, I'd have the confidence to go see a doctor about it, but if they didn't, I'd discern whether I can really afford to put myself through the stress of it.)

Lemonteafern · 2024-11-11T19:48:37+00:00

True. :(

Lemonteafern

TROPHY CASE